Home is Behind.. The World Ahead

Umm.. Yeah

2007-03-07T19:55:00.000-05:00

So I realized that I've been posting to LJ and not posting to Blogger. So um.. yeah, if you want to read stuff then you might as well just go to LJ from now on. You won't be able to read the friends-only posts, so I guess you'll just have to talk to me more often if you want to keep up.

Maybe I'll change my mind.. I guess I'll still post on here now and again, but let's face it, I'm lazy.. and the fact that Jamie hates LJ just isn't enough incentive, sorry man lol you can keep the link and don't change it or anything if ya want.

Haa

2007-02-04T17:26:00.000-05:00

Just got home from band and some other poor bastard is stuck in the elevator. It's pretty fucking pathetic that a freshly "modernized" elevator (after months of construction, the other one now being out of service for construction) keeps trying to EAT PEOPLE, WTF!!

Some old woman went on to me about how she's screwed because she's on the 9th floor.. I think somewhere in there she said she sent some random tenant for help. I hope. I don't care- unless I hear the alarm, though I don't so I feel less like a moron for not having pressed it myself.

HAHAHA.. I have such bad luck.. ELEVATOR FIASCO!

2007-01-30T03:34:00.000-05:00

It was about 7:30, I was in class, it was the break.. I thought to myself.. there's so much I need to do before Max comes over as per Monday night usual around 9:30.. clarinet, sax, call mom, astronomy quiz, read.. and I thought.. I haven't done the reading for this half of the class anyway so I might as well leave now and skip the next hour.. and I've been doing a lot skipping without much care.. but... for some reason I really felt like I shouldn't....
I thought it was an intuition about something missing something I'd need for the midterm...
That wasn't it..
But I really should have trusted my intuition

I stepped onto my apartment elevator shortly after 8:00 pm and pressed floor 5... just after the elevator passed floor 2.. it suddenly stopped.
*Oh shit*
No matter what buttons I pressed, nothing happened.
I pressed the "Help" button, as I held it down the light with the words "if this light is blinking, help is on the way" would blink.
My cell phone got absolutely no reception.

For the first half hour I was gripped with a strange claustrophobic paranoia, clutching the handrailing imagining the elevator somehow plunging to the basement like in a movie.

After that, I settled down with my book.. confident that help was on its way.

After a couple of hours, it started to get cold.. really cold.. I started to panic a little bit, actually I started to freak out a little bit... I punched the wall a couple of times and then put some BSB in my ear for comfort and sung out loud for about an hour..
I read about 150 pages in my book.. shivering, starving, really REALLY REALLY glad that I felt no urge to pee.

Around midnight I started thinking maybe I should press the alarm button.. but I didn't want to wake up the whole building.. no point if "help was on its way".. these things always take hours.. on tv anyway (yeah, I'm a moron)

By about 2 o'clock in the morning, as I started to contemplate the idea of being stuck in that elevator until morning.. I started to have another mild panic attack.. I started writing text messages for the comfort of typing "I've been stuck in this elevator for 6 hours, I want to die, I'm so cold" and I thought.. well you can see a little bit through that fan in the ceiling, the one blowing cold air at me.. I stretched my arm up as far as it could go and waited and waited while it tried to send to Max.. and.. IT SENT.. I thought it must be lying to me.. I thought.. HOPE!!! I tried sending another one more along the lines of "please help me somehow" (incase the first wasn't clear enough on that point) and tried the same message again... and it wouldn't send... and I kept trying.. and FINALLY IT SENT.. no idea whether Max was actually getting my messages.. I started crying and kicking the elevator door...

And kept kicking the elevator door.. until about an hour later.. around 3 am I heard voices... VOICES!!!!!!! I figured whoever lived on that floor right outside the elevator had heard me kicking... so I started yelling HELLO??

To cut to the end.. Max got my messages and called the fire department and they came and pried open the door and hauled me out (the elevator had stopped below the landing).. and I sobbed with relief as the firemen took my information and said consoling things like "7 hours?!?! Oh you poor thing"

I took the stairs up to my floor and called Max to let him know I was ok and to thank him for saving my ass... I'm calm now, but I half sobbed half laughed a little hysterically for about half an hour straight after my emancipation.
-I have never been so happy to see people in my entire life-

I just got a knock on my door... the man who's filling in for the superintendant apologising lol

I'm still shivering.

7 hours alone in a cold elevator..

.. fuck

Up, Down, Touch The Ground

2007-01-28T21:15:00.000-05:00

Wow.. why is it that so often over the past handful of months there's alway some asshole making me cry while I simultaneously LAUGH at the pure ridiculousness of it. How is it that like every boyfriend I've ever had turns out to be this huge jerk that makes me feel like shit. WELL WHATEVER, I've got Max. Maybe he'll be the first exception.. there are already some huge differences in the way he treats me compared to past boyfriends.. please please please let this one be different.

ANYWAYS..
In general things are going pretty well..

Playing sax in tywo-jo makes me super excited cuz.. I've never played in a jazz band before and have never played sax in front of other musicians before lol it was kinda uncool cuz he made me play the barry part on alto so I couldn't play a lot of the notes that were too low for me.. but that's not my part permanently; Strahan was nice enough to let me take his alto parts home to look at for next week. It's kinda cool because I noticed I'm a lot more confident on clarinet after I've been playing alto, like *phew finally playing a home game again, go team*

The whole Bat Boy @ Laurier thing really didn't work out. The plan was to meet my mom at Finch and she'd drive Max and I to Markham and then we'd take the car to Waterloo... so I called around 4 pm as planned to tell her we were on our way.. and instead I get the kid who's temporarily living in our basement (his name is Greg, really nice kid) and.. to make a long story short, she had a really bad headache and locked herself in her room to sleep or something and wouldn't respond to my bro banging on her door, so I figure FINE, we'll take the bus from Finch.. so we get there.. and wait for like an hour and a half.. and the fucking bus never comes.. I considered taking a taxi all the way back to Markham.. but by that time we wouldn't have been able to make it to Waterloo in time anyway. I was REALLY REALLY disgruntled, and was all grumpy/teary at Max for the next few hours and balked at his suggestions of instead meeting his family or friends (so not in the mood for new people lol) so we ate some kinda gross stuff at some sushi place and then went back to my apartment and watched movies and ate cookies, and all was ok (YES I ATE COOKIES, I've done some major cheating this weekend but.. I needed it, I'll be straight as an arrow this week, I promise, and will run when I'm at the gym, EVERY day.) DAMN I REALLY WANTED TO SEE BAT BOY, AND SEE JODI IN IT :'(

It's been pretty good with Max, he stayed over 3 nights in a row, and I don't feel sick of him. I'm starting to trust him, and some of the doubts I had about him are starting to either resolve or stop mattering as much. I'm still a paranoid basket-case, mind you.

I haven't seen any change in myself yet really but, despite my cheating, the jeans I wore to Max Galactic on Thursday night are jeans that I haven't been able to even get up past my thighs in months! Maybe I just tried harder to get them on this time.. or maybe they were somehow loosened in the meantime.. but I prefer to see it as me having actually made progress ^_^

Oh man I'm SO behind with reading...
The week of February 12th is going to be THE WEEK FROM HELL... besides 5 performances of "Nine", there's the TYWO/TYWO-JO Le Parc concert the day after "Nine" closes AND I HAVE -3- MIDTERMS THAT WEEK!!!! And Valentine's Day.. ssshhiiiiiiiiittt.

Once again forgot what I was going to talk about but OH WELL.

P.S. After TYWO today, Helen took Jesse out for belated birthday dinner and Gideon and I tagged along.. we went to a place called King's Cafe in Kensington market.. it was REALLY REALLY REALLY good. My tastes have changed/my horzion's broadened SO much in the past year or two. At this time last year I would have wrinkled my nose at the thought of going to a sushi place, never mind a vegetarian-ASIAN place!! I get kind of excited about trying new things now. If you'd have told me at this time last year how friggin much I'd love teriyaki mushroom cutlets and soy nuggets I would have LAUGHED. Even at something like spring rolls, which I now also enjoy.
Awesomeness. Definately going back there. (Thanks Herren ^_^)

Some crazy old man smelling of drugs spoke to us and referred to us as kids "of this planet".. weeirdd.. let's get back to the mothership ASAP.

P.S.

2007-01-24T16:56:00.000-05:00

I remembered what else I was going to say, and that was that I have officially sold my soul back to camp. They called a couple weeks ago and said they wanted me back and wanted to send me a contract, so I went along with it. I emailed later saying I'd only come back if they'd put me with an older age group, so I'm going to be working with 5.5-6.5 year olds this summer!

Also.. is there any chance that any of you could fathom accomodating me in some way as a housemate next year? I won't have a problem with living alone again if it comes to that, but it would probably have to be pretty far away from campus because I need to be paying like half of the ridiculous price I'm paying now for rent.

If you're coming to see Nine (WHICH YOU -ARE-) try not to come on the night of Saturday the 10th.. most of the pit orchestra won't be there because of the wind ensemble concert so the piano is covering all of the parts = shitty.

Roberta

2007-01-23T17:43:00.000-05:00

Guess what, I am finally in possession of a new clarinet!!!!!!
I went to Gary Armstrong's on Saturday morning with mummy and spent over 2 hours fiddling around with new and used Buffet R13's.. and in my mom's opinion, the prices for the new ones weren't that much worse than the prices for the used ones SO... since my narrowing down resulted in one used one and one new one.. I went for the new one!!
Oh my oh my, she's ever so very shiny and beautiful and elegant!
I have named her Roberta. I'm not sure why, I kinda thought "hmm that's not quite it" but then that name kept coming to my mind so I figure I might as well go with it. Roberta sounds elegant to me, and perhaps I will call her Bertie or something for short. It's also very appropriate, I just realized, since my dad's name is Robert and it's his money that paid for her lol!
It will be a while before you see her in band though, she needs quite the breaking in and gradual increase of playing length over time before she can be played long enough to be in band.

It shocks me greatly that my parents have not asked for me to pitch in, not cheap indeed, but.. I'm not complaining!

There was something else I was going to talk about but now I've forgotten what.

You're all going to Max Galactic on Thursday night, yes? What time are you guys going and can I meet up and go with you?

Yess I'm still aalliivee

2007-01-17T22:22:00.000-05:00

Oh dear I've been neglecting this thing haven't I? How very unlike me.

Mr. Caswell conducted TYWO on Sunday.. it was crazy.. it was grade 10 all over again.. except not. It was nice to see him, he may be a nazi but he's one of the great teachers to whom I owe my current position and ambition.

I'm playing Molly on the Shore in both TYWO and HHSB.. except I'm playing the solo part in HHSB, which means I can listen to Helen and learn from her brilliance before I ever have to play it myself! Hehe.

TYWO's doing a big band again this year for the Feb. concert.. you know why this makes me super excited? Cuz I'm gonna attempt to play my sax-a-ma-phone! I'm slightly terrified.. considering I've never played sax outside of my own home and have never played in a jazz band (and haven't actually worked too hard at sax lately..).. but I REALLY REALLY want to do this so I'm determined! The thought of doubling an instrument makes me feel so special! (Yeah yeah, I know all of you do it but I've never done it before so to me it's special lol)

Another exciting thing.. I FINALLY got a hold of my clarinet teacher earlier this week to get some advice on getting a new clarinet.. which I've been meaning to do for months now.. I was expecting her to tell me to try out a variety of different wood models but.. no.. when I asked she said "You want the R13." which makes me pretty excited because she wouldn't tell me to get an R13 if she didn't think I was ready for it. She said I might have to wait a while to find a used one.. but lo and behold Gary Armstrong has like 3 of them for sale right now, so mommy and I are going over there on Saturday to try them out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUEEE!!

I'm really not keeping up with my reading. I'm really skipping a lot of class. But, I discovered something magical called the audio book... instead of reading Pride and Prejudice for eng202 next week, I'm gonna listen to it while I'm at the gym.

Speaking of the gym, that's been going well.. it's a huge drag to make myself go every day, especially if I've got other plans, but I've been going nonetheless. I've been following the diet without much trouble too. The cravings actually haven't been too bad yet. I pity poor Max for being stuck with my boring food. Well.. Friday and Saturday night were cheats because of all the alcohol... GUYS I JUST CAN'T TURN DOWN FREE ALCOHOL!!! ... especially super sneaky shots of 'borrowed' vodka.. oh Jesse, we're badass mofos yo!!

Jesse's birthday party was fun.. I'm really glad everyone liked Max and I'm really glad that most of Jesse's cake ended up on his face so I didn't have to watch anybody eat it ^_^
The pit orchestra get together on Saturday night was pretty fun too.. watched some hilariousness, got to see Anton *yay*.. had a REALLY amusing trip home.. oh Tim.. "I feel like I look like a prostitute" hahah

Still trying really hard not to be a paranoid basket case but there's no help for it.. time, I guess.

Guess what though, now that I have a boy to drag places I get to go to Laurier to see Batboy after all!! :D

I'm getting sick. MOTHERFUCKER x 10.

New Years

2007-01-01T23:35:00.000-05:00

Oh so much to say and so little will to tell it..
New Years actually means nothing to me and I'm really not into the whole 'resolution' bit.. and I don't actually even like saying "happy new years" because it all sounds kind of stupid to me.. I definately don't measure time by real years, I measure time by school years.. September is the "new year" to me.. yeah 2006, 2007.. I don't fuckin care, makes no difference to me.

Anyways, I went to Jeff's house and met his friends and I really like them all and we played on his Wii and played some pool and then I FLEW back to Markham and was at Jamie's house by about 11:40 pm..
Funny story.. Alex got a phone call from a girl so we locked him outside of the house.. and then midnight came and we all drank champagne and AJ and I kissed (figured I might as well kiss somebody haha) and then we noticed that we forgot to let Alex back into the house and no one heard him banging or calling their cell phones.. and he had no shirt on because it was raining and he didn't want it to get wet.. Alex missed New Years HAHAHAHHAHAH. Anyways, I felt pretty awkward at first since.. ya know.. but then Colin placed a concotion we later named the "Colin Making Love" in front of me (we call it that because it burns when you're done OOHH lol) which is a mixture of inferno vodka, rye, whiskey, and pineapple juice.. gross.. but did it ever get me hammered FAST.. after that drink I didn't feel awkward anymore, and had a great time for the rest of the night!

I'll post pictures another time, my camera cord is in Toronto.

Pink!

2006-12-30T04:56:00.000-05:00

So we've all seen the hair now! It's been very well received so far.. I kind of go up and down about it, though for sure the picture that I'm using as a display pic everywhere is randomly really nice. It's weird how I seem to take the best pictures of myself. Actually, I'll post a picture for your sake Jamie since you haven't seen me since I dyed it, haven't seen you online and since you don't have facebook:

Well on Wednesday late at night I visited a friend in Markham, I drank 4 beers in a row.. he kept making me try and chug it (it was his, after all).. and ended up like the drunkest I've ever been (almost) skipping home (literally) by myself and actually laughing out loud at NOTHING at like 4:30 am. Really glad no one is outside in Markham that late lol.. it kinda rocked to be such a happy state of drunk.. but then I paid for it dearly on Thursday.. though I think the hangover might have been mixed with some other bug because.. yeah the nausia woke me up at 11 am and I couldn't stand up without the world spinning until after 4 pm! Crazy what beer can do to me. Haha and now he says he's depressed that I don't remember much of it.. BUT HE'S THE ONE THAT GOT ME DRUNK! *sigh lol

The important thing is that I got to feeling well enough to get downtown and meet up with Paul and go to Anton's celebration!! We ended up at The Red Room.. umm.. highlights... Anton drunkenly doing his first "blow-job", got it all over his face, glasses, hair.. that was hilarious.. "I'd rather give a real one" haha <3 ...umm yeah Lily was REALLY nice to me again.. maybe -this- time the niceness will extend past the alcohol/pub? I sure hope so. Yeah, she might have kissed me.. WITH TONGUE! AHH!!!!! But it's ok, Lily makes out with EVERYONE (if you're a girl.) The hair seems to be doing it's job with the me not blending into the wall as per usual w00t!

Anyways, I didn't drink enough to get drunk because I was afraid of the stomach freaking out.. but I still just had a really good time.. I knew enough people to never feel like I was being left out of anything and that made me secure enough to talk with new people, yay! Paul, I hope you had a good time too... MAN PAUL WAS SOOOO DRUNK! lol (DAMMIT JESSE one day you'll be there when we do 'blow jobs'.. one day.. people were asking after you.. never leave us again *tear)

We (Paul and I) left with Chelsea and Brendan to get food and got pizza (the chili stuff on Paul's nearly made me die but once milk was had it was EXCELLENT) but then I didn't really feel like making the walk home any longer and didn't feel like drinking anymore (god knows Paul didn't need anymore :P) so we let the others go on without us.. and a couple of other people sat down with us and eventually were like.. "were you guys at the red room"? They weren't with Anton's party but we ended up having some pretty hilarious conversation with them.. Emily (who is a klepto) and Will (who is very gay and was in Innis last year so knows a lot of the same people)! That was pretty cool.. making friends randomly is awesome. Oh by the way SNOW WAS FALLING!!! WEEEE!!!! We came back to my apartment by like 2:30ish and watched Home Alone 2.. I love that movie so much.

Okay I wrote all that earlier, and now I will continue this post and tell you about tonight!

So I met up with Chelsea and Brendan and we went to Rancho Relaxo and found Alix and Gita and Morgan and Massa (? :S) and I got to see Max Galactic and the Cloud of Evil play for the first time yay!!!!!! They're SO good.. oh my god loving the jazzy clarinetyness. I definately want to see them again. I randomly saw Josh there, who is a friend of Lily's and has "shocking blue" hair (clearly that makes us soul mates) and the friend he was with knew Alix and his friend looked really familiar and it turns out I've actually met him before in Alix and Chelsea's rez last year.. and his group and our group all ended up at New Ho King together (mmmm sooo good) and another of the guys with them I didn't recognize but after we'd been introduced I starting thinking he was familiar.. and then I heard him mention "Markham"! And it turns out that he's the infamous Scott Christian (infamous because I've heard the name so much from so many people but never knew who he was!!!) ANYWAYS after that I went with Alix to The Red Room for a bit so that she could see the boy and hopefully have a slightly less awkward time with his friends.. at any rate, the whole night was really fun and it was really cool to hang out with people that I don't get to see very often like Gita!!!

Yay I think this hair is good luck!! I've been having such a good time since I dyed it!!! *touch wood* I hope I didn't just jinx it.

Oh Ma Gawd!

2006-12-27T19:39:00.000-05:00

I finally did it! What I've been saying I was going to do! I'm not gonna put pictures up till I get some good light.. doesn't look as cool with the crummy house lighting. But.. you'll get to see it at Einstein's tomorrow or on Friday night if you're going to either! Mmmm it's such a delicious colour! Even though I feel like the bleach has killed a handful of brain cells!

The Stars Are Brightly Shining, It Is The Night..

2006-12-25T01:35:00.000-05:00

It's Christmas.. there's no snow but the sky is clear and the air is cold and crisp and the stars are shining brightly.

I went to a midnight service with my dad, it's becoming a tradition.. he was brought up in a Catholic family but had to ditch it to marry my mom (she's not religious at all). I scorn the conventions of organized religion and struggle with the concept of God.. and I try not to listen too hard anymore to the sermon because I find myself being critical.. why do I go at all then? Because of the feeling in the air.. there's just something magical and mysterious about Christmas Eve. You just feel good, you feel like there's something special all around you that you're taking in with every breath.. a presence.. maybe not of God, but maybe of good will. (Of course when I say "you" I mean "me" because.. who knows how many people in that church actually feel the same.) I always find myself near tears at some point and not really knowing why. And I love singing the Christmas carols lol.

I'm not religious and I DESPISE consumerism.. but.. if you give it the chance.. and let go of all the every day trivialities.. there's so much more.

Anyways, I hope you all have a very merry and holly jolly Christmas. I love you all very much and I shall take this opportunity to thank those of you who've taken time over the past few months to be there for me when I've needed a shoulder or an ear, or even just given a few words of reassurance, it means the world to me and you mean the world to me.

<3

Boldly Go Where No One Has Gone Before!

2006-12-22T17:37:00.000-05:00

So I think last night's Star Trek TNG get together was pretty successful, started around 3 pm with a couple of people and added on a couple more as the night progressed.. we talked through most of the episodes, but that's ok lol we drank whenever my computer screen glitched.. and whenever Riker said "hell" or Deanna used telepathy or there was a red alert.. and so on. Haha. We ordered chinese food and played dreidel for swedish berries.. ew groped berries LOL! Not gonna lie, it's pretty cool to all sit around and have Star Trek discussions!

Oh the geekyest group of geeks that I could find <3 (so geeky that Paul AND Carolyn edited this picture... HAHAH LUFF!!)

Anywho, so I guess I'm gonna have to wait until school starts again to really go hardcore into this meal and workout schedule.. I'm pretty overwhelmed by it.. I have to be at the gym 6 days a week and have to find ways to be eating every 2-3 hours and drink at least 3L of water a day.. my lifestyle is going to need some SERIOUS revamping. He put my goal amount of weight loss at 30 pounds.. which seems like.. an unfathomable amount for me to lose. I really hope I can do this, guys.

Tonight I met up with Jessica and Kelley and saw The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god, it was sooooo cool.. cooler than.. cool. I'd forgotten how much clarinet Danny Elfman put in his scores.. so good. And the NBC is just awesome anyway.

p.s. Jesse is soooooo entertaining when he's high on pain killers!!!

J?SS? `Bye-bye wisdom teeth...hello painkillers says:
i am on codene

- ? jessica [i'm the master of fright, and a demon of light, and i'll scare you right out of your pants] ? - says:
hahaha jesse, i think you're on STUPID

HAHAHA.

WE DON NEED NO WATA!!

2006-12-18T19:20:00.000-05:00

I slept more than 4 hours last night! w00t! finally! Hardly sleeping and then doing long shifts at work = not cool BUT at least now the lack of sleep is due to fun and not school!

On Saturday night I didn't expect to find anybody to keep me company so I settled down for a night with my PJ's and The Sound of Music on CTV.. BUT.. it was not to be so! My phone rang and caller ID was the name it gives for when somone is calling from the buzzer downstairs.. .. "ANTON?!?" hehe he managed to get locked out of his house with no phone or wallet but he had his car keys so he came to visit me *yay* We continued watching the Sound of Music.. except.. under an influence.. which lead to him marvelling at my collection of jello and us making chocolate jello puddin! So good. I love being.. under that certain green leafy influence one on one with someone because there's a better chance that I'll actually speak and have hilarious conversation.. we had one about reindeer. Then played with my ratties for like 2 hours. They seem to love him, especially his hair.

AWWWW PATTY LURVES ANTON

At some point Mark give me a ring wanting to borrow something and we ended up meeting up with him and going home with him.. we played some hardcore BOGGLE!!! YEAH BEST GAME EVER!!! No Mark, "oost" is not a word. lol and then watched The Royal Tennenbaums which.. I didn't really get the point of, not gonna lie. Ahh I was in your (Alix + Chelsea's) house until past 4 am but neither of you guys were around!! BOO!

I slept for a few hours then went to work.. which was sort of ok.. because I got a first time volunteer who was SO DAMN HOT OMG. He actually looks a LOT like Mark except a bit taller and lankier. And when he smiles... *melts* He's 17.. but.. oh well lol. He's pretty smart too.. usually my volunteers are morons so I don't let them go near the cash register (that decision is left to my discretion) but I actually took the time to train this one and trust him alone with the register (= me getting to take breaks for once!!).

Last night, after the gym with Jesse (jogged a whole km without stopping!!! woo improvement!!! ) I watched The Believer.. anyone seen it? Starring Ryan Gosling (LOVE him) about a Jewish anti-Semite. It's really REALLY intense.. and at the end you just want to sit there and think about it and try to figure it out, and then look it up online to see if you can get any insight on it. The last scene was just PURE symbolism. I love it. You should see it, so long as you don't mind seeing jews getting the shit kicked out of them (it doesn't ever actually promote or speak against anti-semitism).

I just got an email back from cousin's boyfriend Marc asking a bunch more questions and he says he should have something for me in the next few days and I'm SO EAGER/EXCITED to get going on this!! He says "Overall I don't think we are gonna have a problem" SQUEE!! I sure hope he's right.. because I sort of feel like nothing I ever do will ever change me.

Tomorrow SCP + new member (Gideon) gets together for the first time!!! *excited*
Wednesday I'm trying to host a Star Trek TNG mini-marathon.. if you're a star trek tng fan you're welcome to come, but I don't know yet if anyone actually can!

WICKED!!!

2006-12-13T13:41:00.000-05:00

So, last night was the best and luckiest night ever (finally some good luck!).

I was having a pretty crummy afternoon, just really really depressed-y and pms-y and frustrated that Kippen's website was down for the whole day so I couldn't study really because all the shit I need is on that website, wasn't too excited about attempting to see Wicked.. Renee felt the same way. We met up and made our way over to the Canon Theatre and stood in the "lottery line" and put our names in the ballot... half an hour later we stood in a huge crowd of people, all waiting for 10-ish names to be drawn, thinking "oh fuck.. there's no chance we're gonna actually get tickets.. this SUCKS".. BUT lo and behold.. second to last RENEE'S NAME WAS CALLED!!!!... and as we walked up the stairs to the box office to claim them.. MY NAME WAS CALLED!!! (each is good for two tickets you see, so we only claimed Renee's but isn't that still AMAZING? lol We had SO little chance but got DOUBLE LUCKY!!) So anyways, it was at this point that I got REALLY EXCITED ABOUT SEEING WICKED!!!

We had an hour and a half to spare before the show so we decided to try eating at Popeye's.. it was more entertaining than delicious. While Renee was waiting for her food I went to find a seat.. I prefer corners but the only corner was right beside a group of about 6 police officers. My mind momentarily flashed to everything illegal I've ever done and then decided it would be an interesting opportunity to listen in on whatever it is they talk about. Almost immediately after I sat down, the one nearest me asked "Hart House, what's that?" (on my shirt). And I tried to explain in my awkward way and anyways, it lead to a conversation about his son and my plans for the future (none) so the whole group of them started trying to give suggestions as to what I should do with my life! haha and then the whole time we were eating they kept semi-including us in conversation.. it was pretty awesome, they were SOO nice and hilarious (I love when stuff that like happens, a stranger's only a friend you haven't meant... well, for sure at least in the case of law enforcement in the sense that they're least likely to turn out to kill you later?) .. it kinda made me want to be a cop. This sounds kinda weird, but I feel like I'd only enjoy being a cop if I was a guy.

We took a stroll through the Stag store.. they've got some REALLY ridiculous stuff.. *note: buy me an explicit sex board game for my birthday.. please?? I've always wanted one lol though it'd definately be less thrilling now than years ago.. nonetheless!

Then.. WICKED.. our seats were REALLY COOL. We got a box ALL TO OURSELVES!!!!! Our view of the stage was partially blocked.. but that wasn't such a big deal considering we had a box to ourselves AND got tickets for like HALF of the price of the actual nose-bleed seats. AND we could see right into the pit orchestra!!!!! Clear view of the reed players!!! SQUEE!!

Oh man.. the show was SO good. SOOOO GOOODD!!! ... SSSOOOOOOOOOO GGGOOOOOODDD!! Everything about it was absolutely phenominal.. the story was so cool, the way it explained stuff that happened in the Wizard of Oz and like totally twisted the story around.. SO cool.. and the set and choreography and costumes were just fucking AWESOME and the singers had incredible voices and the music is stuff that I'd probably buy or download.. I loved the conductor, very young and very into what he was doing.

I'm SO glad we ended up going because it was absolutely worth it.. guys, see Wicked if you can, you will NOT be disappointed... omg the guys with no arms and extending necks HAHA

We went to Future's afterwards for cheesecake and beer respectively and had some super-satisfying venting.

Some buzzed text messaging avec Jesse on the way home made the walk seem really short.

When I got home I watched the new episode of House that I'd taped, tres awesome.

A bit after 2 am I got a call from monsieur Dimitroff (he'd called around 10 when we were still in the show wanting a post-exam celebration of some sort, but when I called him back after the show he didn't pick up, so this was him calling back again) and I told him to come over, so he did lol and we watched last week's Gilmore Girls since last night's was a repeat (gonna make us wait till Jan to find out what happened! NOO!!).. I agreed to make him go home at 3:30.. but I'm an enabler and a push-over so when the time came he got in bed with me and we watched another episode haha he left at about 4:30 am.

At which point I altered my state (so to speak), put on Star Trek and went to sleep...

Can you say.. ABSOLUTE BEST NIGHT EVER?

<3<3<3

2006-12-07T18:41:00.000-05:00

p.s. I updated my banner, it's more colourful this way.

awwww

2006-12-07T17:07:00.000-05:00

Omg haha I'm going to cry.. one of my little girls from camp, Isabel, bout 3 years old, and her mom left me a voicemail message.. I'm going to copy it out for you because it is honestly the cutest thing EVER

*woman's voice*: Hi this message is for Jennifer.. umm.. hold on
*in the background*: use your loud voice.. that's not a loud voice.. say Hi Jennifer
Kid: HI
Woman: it's..
Kid: ISABEL
Woman: say who it is..
Kid: ISABEL
Woman: what's your last name?
*incoherent muttering*
Woman: What's your last name?
Isabel: (she yells it)
Woman: from? how do you know Jennifer? which camp?
*incoherent muttering*
Woman: from bvg camp? and what do you want to say to Jennifer?
*incoherent muttering*

Woman: Jennifer if you're still listening, this is not a crank call, this is Isabel's mom.. Isabel has been asking me to call you for several days now to invite you to her birthday party, which of course I don't expect you to come to, but I just wanted you to know that you remain in Isabel's heart, I hope that you're school semester is going well and that you have a great holiday season.
There's no need to call back but just wanted to let you know... she's gotten real shy all of a sudden but let me see if she'll say bye.. hold on..

Isabel: BYE
Mom: What do you say?
Isabel: ..I love you.. mommy why is she not talking?
Mom: because it's a message, she's not there
*hang up*

AAAWWWWW!!! I called back and her mom was like.. "Isabel, the phone's for you.." and Isabel goes "IS IT JENNIFER?" and then starts SQUEALING hahahaha her mom was like: you can come to her party but I wouldn't recommend it, there'll be like 80 of her relatives there.
But that I could come visit some time if I wanted, maybe I will! Though I'll have to find a fellow ex-counsellor to come with me so I don't have to go alone.

*sigh* I miss my baayybbies.. I still have dreams about trying to keep them safe and stop them from crying and being scared and all that maternal crap lol I'm probably going to work at that camp again, but as much as I love the little ones I'm going to ask for an older age group (probably 5 and up) because it was just too stressful running after 10 of them and being sick for 2 months because of they way they're all over you.

On the other hand.. 2 or so is a piece of cake after 10.. guys, I want a kid. RIGHT NOW.

Busy Couple Days

2006-12-02T23:08:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I woke up, went to work, went to dress rehearsal.. and then.. followed Renee and Jessica home (to Renee's house). And -finally- saw Goodbye Parker play, which I've definately been meaning to do since I met Ben and he started facebook inviting me like half a year ago! They were good.. I totally see what you guys mean now when you say that the band is "cute".. singer is soo funny. And anyone with a tambourine.. And Jessica's cute guy is SOOO cute!!

I'm definately MUCH MUCH more comfortable with the ska/rock/punk scene than the hip hop scene, I LOVE the whole crazy mosh pit adrenaline throwing yourself about wildly thing, it's SO much fun. (How much fun?) And that's actually REALLY ironic (are you clever enough to figure out what I mean exactly? Probably not :P) The walk home was long and cold- I want my bike :( but I ran into Chelsea and Brendan, who had also been at the concert, which provided temporary relief! Was too buzzed from the beer that Jessica bought me (<3) to bother reading so went to blissful sleeeeeep.

Was up again to work this morning, then rushed like mad over to the church. Oh god guys.. when Colin gathers us all around during intermission and tells us that we performed badly? BBRUU-TTALL!! I think we did ok under the circumstances though.. though I definately fucked up a lot.

Anyways, I went out for dinner with my mommy and daddy and oma and opa. It was actually THE FUNNIEST DINNER EVER. They kept making horrible sex jokes:
*Opa pointing out a spot we're driving by where he hung out as a kid*
Opa: And there were two girls who we used to visit on that street
Me: Were they out on the street corner every night?
Opa: Well not every night, maybe once a week
*Everyone laughing hysterically because he totally doesn't get the implication*
Opa: Well we didn't need to visit them more than once a week...
*LAUGHING EVEN HARDER*
He is soooo cute lol

And OHHH MAN when we were in Swiss Chalet my dad (after doing a rap music imitation aka. grunting and saying "fuck" a lot) went on this huge rant about how he thinks it's completely hypocritical for black people to get upset at being called the N-word.. and my Oma is hard of hearing so she's like "WHAT?" and he's like "NIGGAS" and everyone started staring at us hahahaha I don't think I've EVER laughed so hard, and he gets upset that I laugh because he's COMPLETELY serious, which makes me laugh even harder. And my mom was REALLY drugged up because she's got like arthritis in her spine, something shitty like that so she was laughing pretty hysterically too lol! And on the car ride to Hart House they started making jokes about the organ player.. "playing with his organ" etc etc and my oma never quite ever fully catches what's actually going on so the comments she makes are SO funny.

Anyways, Hart House Symphonic Band concert.. it was actually pretty decent in comparison to what we've sounded like at rehearsals.. I'm not gonna lie, I somehow had much more energy and enthusiasm for this concert. Maybe because the music was livelier. Helen and Matt came!! (Matt's bro is in the band..AND-MATT-WOULD-BE-TOO-IF-HE-KNEW-WHAT-WAS-GOOD-FOR-HIM) and sat.. in the front, right by me. Jerks. (Actually it probably made me play better? Shrug) Annnyyyyyyywaaaayysssss.... Helen brought me chocolate!!!!!!!! <3 x 10000! How SWEET (NO PUN INTENDED HAAAAHAAA)! Mmmm endorphins.. myyy favourite.. Well, it's almost as good as sex. (No it's not, but I'll take it.) At any rate I decided getting a ride home from Macy was more appealing than following a bunch of people I don't really know to a pub. And so here I am! And in a rather chipper mood.
Actually.. a social mood. Damn.

Tomorrow = CHICAGO!!! MMMMBSB!!! And the Carnegie screening!
p.s. Jesse is the biggest loser ever for choosing a rehearsal over the screening!!!

Warning: If You Are Health Conscious Or Don't Eat Pigs This Will Disgust You

2006-11-27T00:42:00.000-05:00

I just created the best sandwich in the history of EVER.

It starts with the freshly baked foccachia buns from loblaws (cheese, onion & herbs). Very soft and marvelous on their own! You cut one open and you insert cheese. You also insert cooked bacon. You microwave it so that the cheese melts. This is DELICIOUS. But there's more.. the secret. Pizza flavoured Pringles chips!! You break them in about quarters and then INSERT THEM!

OH MY GOD.
I'm a fucking genius.
Hello artery clogger but HELLO CULINARY MASTERPIECE!

WHAT THE FUCK???

2006-11-24T18:01:00.000-05:00

Someone stole my bike from outside of the subway station. WHAT THE FUCK?!!?!?!
Now I have to walk fucking 30 minutes to class instead of riding for 10, maybe that seems like nothing but it makes A HUGE difference to me, especially with going to work in the morning before the sun is fucking up.

Honestly, there better be something fucking amazing coming my way to make up for ALL OF THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT THAT'S BEEN HAPPENING TO ME IN THE PAST WEEK.

Yeah now I've got to go to rehearsal and I don't have time to fucking eat dinner first -EVEN THOUGH I JUST HAD AN 8 HOUR DAY AT WORK WITH NO BREAK TO EAT ANYTHING- because it took me so much fucking longer to get home!! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, FUCKING 20 MINUTES IS SURE SOMETHING.

I shouldn't have said to so many people how nobody would steal my piece of shit bike. I was asking for it eh? Though I definately remember locking it this morning and it's gone without a trace.

I hope whoever took it crashes and dies before they realize that THE BRAKES DON'T WORK!

Oh good, my tuner apparently is broken! I know the batteries ARE FINE and yet it's not turning on!

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK ME!

Goodbye Leaves

2006-11-23T16:15:00.000-05:00

I took this picture from my BALCONY.. SQUEEE! <3 Casa Loma

ARRRGGHH

2006-11-21T00:00:00.000-05:00

My head hurts from the weather change, Colin picked on me in band, my dvd player STOPPED WORKING so I can't watch 8 1/2, Amber (my ast partner/highschool friend) and I ordered a pizza last night and it DIDN'T COME. I called after two hours but I got an auto-msg saying it was closed and I couldn't be bothered to call today because I didn't feel like pizza anymore anyway. I'm frantically trying to do the assignment because we didn't get it all done last night because we were SO FUCKING HUNGRY. An old man at work today told me to "have a nice life" and that I was probably going to die on the subway when the terrorists bombed it. I've realized that my vision has gotten worse, my up close vision even which was FINE before. This also means the perscription for my contacts isn't accurate anymore meaning it fucks with me to wear them but I am NOT buying more cuz they are fucking expensive. I'm behind in all my fucking reading again. I couldn't concentrate on reading at work today so I literally actually just day-dreamed for over 4 hours. IT'S FUCKING COLD OUT.

I JUST ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED MY FUCKING BOWL OF SPAGHETTI ON THE FLOOR AND NOW HAVE TO MAKE IT ALL OVER AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS TOO FUCKING DIRTY TO SALVAGE.

ETC ETC ETC

Why the hell does the world HATE me as of the past 2 days or so?

Big problems and dramas I can usually handle (I'm experienced ^_^) but I just cannot fucking stand when a million little things go wrong (just for the sake of a higher power giving you a kick in the ass).

Time To Re-Evaluate

2006-11-19T17:02:00.000-05:00

Last night was Gita's party, twas cool, the house-party-ist house party I've ever been to and first time in like 2 and a half months I've been drunk. Believe it or not I actually was in a pretty social mood.. or at least a minimally-socially-awkward mood. Jesse's friend Debbie and I bonded over the fact that we're white and can't dance like Monica so we invented a dance called "The Martian" since Monica told us to dance like we were "marching" and yea, her accent and all.. yeah that's right, I DANCED! You probably won't see that very often, if ever. ACTUALLY I met and DANCED for a bit with this guy by the name of Eric and THAT is definately something for the books ladies and gentleman, Jenn DANCED with a STRANGE BOY *gggassspppp!!!* Not gonna lie, it validates me emotionally to have a guy's hands on my hips haha even if my dancing is a bit awkward. He took me over to meet his friends later on after most people left so I had a nice chat with Adam and Roderigo (what an amazing name.. and I swear he's like Jack Black's brother or something lol). Alix stuck around with me till after 2 am and I walked back to her house with her but then walking the rest of the way home SSUUUCCKKEDD. Christ a LOT of people are on the street at 2:30 am. But, oh well. My fault for not having friends that live near me to walk home with? Anywho I LOVE YOU GITA!!! Who knocks over her bookshelf and then doesn't remember it like 20 minutes later when I reference it to her hahah but then knocks something else over and hits her head and passes out?? AHH!! And always great to hang out with the Alix and the Chelsea and I fully expect to see you both on Tuesday :D

Colin called Lily "Simba"... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH. I did start to feel a little sorry for her though, he picked on her a lot today and I guess.. I definately wouldn't have been close to as discliplined as the behaviour is expected to be in TYWO when I was in grade 7. BUT FUCK so I missed -2- entries today, only two for the entire rehearsal and he NAILED me on both of them.. and both were because I didn't think he wanted the clarinets to play! DAMMIT THERE ARE 40 OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE PROBABLY MISSING ENTRIES ALSO THAT YOU CAN PICK ON, GIVE ME A BREAK!!! Oh well. Yes, my fault.

I got a ride home from Steffi today and she gave me Fellini's "8 1/2" to watch (Carolyn don't let me forget to take it back to the video store on Bay on Tuesday) which is what our musical "Nine" is based upon, apparently it's really fucked up (fly a man instead of a kite!) so I reckon I'll watch it tonight after Ast. assignment.. true to my tendency to fall in love with obscure musicals I'ma falling fast for this one :D

Here, have a pic or two of ma baaayybies.

Mmm?Huuhh? Whaddya waking me up foorrrrr?

Mm tasty keyboard

Climb every mountain!

Perfect time for a bath.

The fact that Marcie is sleeping doesn't stop Patty from climbing on top of her head to say hello to me.

Well Then, Down To Business

2006-11-15T18:40:00.000-05:00

Alright, I need some theatre companions for several upcoming events, in order of occurance:

1. Hamlet @ Hart House Theatre.. H.H. Shakespeare is very entertaining, I promise you.. but it's like.. NOW. It runs from today until Saturday the 25th.

2. CHICAGO @ Princess of Wales Theatre. I love Chicago.. and.. OMGZ one of the Backstreet Boys (Kevin) is playing Billy Flynn. This excites me beyond reason so I'm determined to see it. It runs from Nov 21st- Dec 3rd. Go check it out here: http://www.mirvish.com/Chicago/ (Chelsea if you're still up for this, get back to me ASAP!)

3. Little Shop Of Horrors @ Hart House Theatre.. yet another I've always wanted to see but haven't.. runs from Nov 30th - Dec 2nd. Hey, it'll be cheap!

4. Wicked @ The Canon Theatre. I've really wanted to see Wicked and it's running in Toronto until December 31st. Any takers?

5. Bat Boy The Musical!! @ Wilfred Laurier Uni. I fell in love with this musical when Markham Youth Theatre did it a couple summers ago.. and a friend from high school, Jodi Jahnke, is playing one of the lead roles in a Laurier production in late January. I'm totally willing to drive down there and see it if someone would be so kind as to accompany me.. I'll make it worth your while *wink*
.... hey Jamie... you know Jodi.....................

Do They Speak Middle English In Middle Earth?

2006-11-12T23:19:00.000-05:00

The last essay I handed in to Eng202 got RAPED.. but for this essay they gave us a choice of picking an essay topic OR writing 24 lines of Chaucerian verse and writing a tale to go with it. So, I decided to get the better of the evil TA and write the verse.
HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.
It took me 3 straight nights of non-stop work.
SO you are going to READ IT and APPRECIATE MY HARD WORK!

Middle English + rhyming couplets + iambic pentameter.

I've never written in iambic pentameter before and found it to be the hardest aspect.. if you know anything about Chaucer please give me feedback. Understand that for the metre to be correct you need to pronouce words properly (-ed, -es, and sometimes -e endings are pronounced as separate syllables)

If you are familiar with The Canterbury Tales then you know that there is a "General Prologue" that introduces all the characters.. my instructions were to pick a modern figure and "add" him to the prologue.

I chose a fireman ^_^

A FIREMAN was ther, fair and wyse was he,
A manly man, he loved chivalyre.
Ful worthy, mortal bataille for to seke,
Ther nas no dore that he nolde certes breke.
Ful big he was and treden soberly
But whan he spake was merye companye.
His heer as gold as leoun lockes shoon;
Perrye was he, al nat so doumb as stoon.
In cote of broun and helme this man was clad
And sleves with a yelow streme he hadde.
His stede was thikke, brood, and scarlet reed,
And greet of strengthe al trewely good of deed;
His roring noyse so loude a melodye,
So ferful was his crye and percen ye.
A hounde of whyt was in his companye
And lyk a lepart, blak y-spreynd was he.
This man, his entente proteccioun,
To yeve socour was his devocioun.
If heerd a cry of “help!” anoon he rood,
To maydens in distresse alway was good.
His fyry fo is fand in sonne and helle,
Ther lond y-brent and water may not dwelle.
Whan fyr is queynt, his fo is slayne and wonne,
The conquerour his victorie bigonne.

Rough translation:
A fireman was with them, he was attractive, smart, manly and chivalrous. He was very valiant and his intent was to seek and fight deadly battles. There was no door that he could not certainly break (because he’s a fireman and they break down doors tehee!), he was very big and serious but friendly when he spoke. His hair was gold and shone like a lion’s mane. He was a jewel but not as dumb as stone (because jewel is stone, oooh play on words!!) He wore a brown coat and a helmet, his sleeves had yellow stripes on them. His steed was thick, broad, and scarlet red (that’s right, his FIRE TRUCK!) It had great strength but truly was good of deed (a very subtle play on words- “great strength” vs “good deeds”) It’s roaring noise was a really loud and it seemed fearful because of this noise and its piercing eye (its headlight!). A white dog was also his companion, it had black spots like a leopard (dalmation!). The man’s intention was to protect people and he was devoted to giving aid. If he heard someone cry “help!” he went to them immediately and he was always helpful to maidens in distresse (double entendre? oh baby!) His fiery enemy is found in the sun and in hell, in these places land is burnt and water can’t survive. When the fire has been quenched his enemy is thus slain and the conqueror’s victory has begun (another double entendre? Why is the victory only BEGUN when the fire is out? Don’t forget the maidens.. *prowww)
w00tw00t! Now to think of a tale to write.. sigh.

pee ess:
So.. one of the more orgasmic inventions.. "Winter Oreos".. oreos coated in white chocolate.. mmmm.. I discovered something perfectly marvelous.. my tea (with milk but no sugar) was too hot to drink so I dipped the oreo in it.. and.. it melted the chocolate and like.. it was still firm when I took a bite but then it just DISSOLVED in my mouth.. *drroooll* oooohh heavenly.

Mucho Pica-tures!!

2006-11-04T02:39:00.000-05:00

So Wednesday afternoon I went back to the M dot and went with my mom to the mall.. I'm going to show you some of what I bought in a moment because some of it is just TOO CUTE! I'm not big on shopping these days but I needed new bras, the damn underwire keeps coming through the material on my old ones grr! And while I'm not much for cutsie stuff.. if it's unusual AND cute.. I'm so in.

Anyways I drove over to Laura's house and we chilled for a bit then headed off to Angus Glen Golf Club. So, WOW this was a fancy event.. something like $100 per seat. Each table was in charge of coming up with a theme and decorating their table appropriately.. there were some REALLY cool ones. Apparently it wasn't a dinner event, it was a dessert event.. meaning a large table full of elaborate gorgeous sumptuous caaakkkeeess... oh man what a cake tease! (teehee). Anywho, we played on this little stage, which was a bit intimidating.. the room was HUGE.. so the acoustics were like playing into a brick wall. And we definately felt like no one could hear us or was listening anyway.. which actually is very liberating because it felt very casual.. you know, Laura's music blows off the stand so we just stop in the middle of the piece and so on haha. We had to play our duet repetoire like 4 times through to take up time but it all sounds so similar that no one would have noticed. And we did a lot of solo stuff.. really random stuff lol like Laura did some random Mary Poppin's and Beatles and I did some random Lord of the Rings (w00t!) and it was cool. (One of the random volunteers came up to me after and was like "I loved that Lord of the Rings bit!!" YEAH!) At the end, a lot of people came up to tell us what a great job we did, which was very nice of them.. and a couple of people asked us to come and give private performances for their tables.. which we did! And THAT rocked.. because.. well we play better under direct attention obviously, and they actually got to hear us!
And.. when everyone was done.. THEY LET US AT THE LEFTOVER CAKE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ok there are a LOT of really awesome pictures, but I'll hang myself if I have to go through posting them all over again, so please, my faithful Jamie and Carolyn, do
click HERE and see them :D

A Series Of FORTUNATE Events!

2006-11-01T01:35:00.000-05:00

There is much that I have to say, though I shall try to say it briefly because I am lazy and tired.

By the random, it's been so chilly this fall that now and again I'll think about that greenhouse effect bit that's SUPPOSED to be making everything warmer.. and where is that now that I'm FREEZING?! We learned about it in Astronomy today and ACTUALLY the temperature is steadily rising something like a tenth of a degree on average per year. This doesn't seem like much, we don't feel it, but the nature of the temperature change over the past 50 years is matched only by a small ICE AGE in Earth's relatively recent past. Except the ice age was MUCH more gradual a temperature change.. the rate of temperate rise within the last 50 years is DRASTIC compared to the fairly regular slight up and down fluctuation of the average temperature over the past 500,000 years. It's like.. there's the happy line on the graph going along its way.. AND THEN IT SHOOTS WAY WAY UP! WE'RE KILLING OUR PLANET. Just.. really slowly in relation to our lifetime.

(I think I've absorbed and comprehended more information over the past month of Astronomy than I have in any of my other university courses over the past 14 months combined.)

For those of you who somehow didn't figure it out, I am now WORKING for Unicef.. yes, they pay me to sell their christmas stuff at a kiosk in the Eaton Centre. (Come visit me). I was dreading my first day and despite first day kinks (like the phone line not working so the POS machines not working argh) it actually wasn't so bad and went by really fast. I know the ropes and I know them well. The guitar player dude from CW randomly stopped to chat with me and talked to me for like 2 hours.. (like, actually..) enh it helped the time pass. Hopefully it'll continue to be not so bad.. but 3 more days a week of getting up at 8am-ish bites.

HALLOWEEN!!! Oh my, what a day.
First thing this morning I was greatly relieved to find out that I did ok on my Music exam, I was expecting MUCH worse (the one I wrote the day of the concert).
Instead of our unusual Sub stop during the hour Carolyn and I have between classes I decided for the sake of variety that we should cross Bay Street and that I should get some BREAKFAST! Yeye! *yummm*

Skipping to later on JESSE AND I WENT TO CASA LOMA!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE that majestic hill house. And the towers and underground tunnels at night? SO COOL! The ghost story tour was a bit weak.. but.. oh well.
On Thursday when I'm back in Toronto I'll post some HILARIOUS and cool and creepy pictures for you. Believe me when I tell you that at least a few of them will make you LAUGH! (I swear to god I caught some GHOSTS in some of them.. you know the random floating orbs of light? Jess you're a photographer, is there an explanation for them?)

Having seen my plans to go to Casa Loma in my msn name, Anton gave me a ring-a-ding and pointed out that we should visit his MANSION since it's close by, so we made our way over there after we were finished with C.L. Yeah his house is HUGE! And spooky. I don't know if I'd be comfortable living there.. but.. wow lots of space.. one could have the best gave of hide-and-seek EVER there. He carved THE BEST PUMPKIN EVER (picture of that also to follow).

Now for the most important thing in this post. I will tell you about what a lucky coincidence it was for me to put my msn to what it was.. and for Anton to call me.. and for us to go and visit him.. BECAUSE he had a friend over. And this friend just happens to be the girl who's in charge of the pit orchestra for Hart House Theatre productions. (We remember that I'm obsessed with HH Theatre yes). Anyways.. she needs a bassoon player for the next musical, so she asked Jesse if he would transpose the bassoon part for bass clarinet and play with them.. and I got jealous so she asked what I played and lo and behold.. though Steffi is their clarinet player, there are apparently two parts... and apparently she'll need me to fill in for the main part on a night when Steffi can't be there!!
SO.. what it looks like is that JESSE AND I ARE GOING TO JOIN THE PIT ORCHESTRA FOR THE NEXT HART HOUSE THEATRE MUSICAL!!!
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!! IT MAKES ME GIDDY WITH DELIGHT!!
It has honestly been like a life aspiration and desire of mine to somehow be able to play in a pit orchestra.. and for a musical no less (I LOVE musicals) and for HH Theatre no less (I LOVE HH theatre).
OMG!
She's giving Steffi the music to give to Jesse and I at TYWO on Sunday.. and apparently rehearsals start next week.
OMG!
This is -so- exciting. SO EXCITING!!
And Anton gave us candy, that was pretty exciting too.

OMGBESTFREAKINGNIGHTEVER!!!!

*deep breath*
Tomorrow I head back to Markham, so that Laura and I may thrill the Cancer Society function at Angus Glen Golf Club all evening with out clarinet duet skillz.. not gonna lie, it's sketchy.. we don't have enough duet material so it's half going to be us taking turns solo'ing. I looked at solo pieces today that I'll be performing tomorrow? Well it'll be a good experience, I'm sure it'll all come together! There's this solo book that all my high school "jury" pieces were taken from.. good book, but the awesome news is that stuff I struggled at in gr 11/12 is apparently REALLY easy for me now? FUCKING EH, I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE GETTING BETTER! (Not gonna lie, I'm fucking terrified of sucking at this pit orchestra bit.)

Anyway.. SQQQQQQUUUUUEEEEEEE!!! Ok I have to give you at least one picture.. but keep in mind that it is not EVEN the funniest one :P
THE ALICE IN WONDERLAND PROPS FROM LAST CHRISTMAS WERE STILL UP!

What Do I Want

2006-10-26T15:01:00.000-04:00

It would seem that the cool thing to do these days is to exude some sense of superiority by preaching on the subject of "not happy? then stop complaining and do something about it".

It is not the concept itself that poses a problem to me. I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want. Jenn, what would make you happy? If you could do ANY job after university, what would you want to do? My problem is that I just honestly don't know. I've thought and thought and can come up with NOTHING that I would be happy getting up each morning to do. While there are a handful of things I like doing in my every day life, there's just nothing that I'm PASSIONATE enough about to want to pursue on the level of dedication that would lead to a career.

I'll be lying in bed in one of those "just one of those days" moods and I'll say to myself "screw responsibilities for a second, WHAT would make you feel happy RIGHT NOW? Indulge with the junk food? Chill with a favourite tv show? How about if the boy of your dreams was here holding you right now, would THAT make you happy?" And.. the answer is.. not really.

I understand that if I want change I have to make it happen, I understand that if I'm not happy, only I can change that. But you see.. before I can make changes.. I have to know what I want to change.. and for some reason these days I honestly just do not know what there is that will make me happy. I don't know what I want.

It's.. killing me. I am an EXTREMELY goal oriented person, I thrive under the pressures of needing to achieve a particular goal by a particular time. Problem is.. I can't figure out what my goals are anymore! School is starting to suffer.. I'm finding that I'm not motivated to do well in school anymore because it's leading me NO WHERE. My education right now is to absolutely no particular end. Maybe this degree will end up a waste of money? I've gone to 3 out of 8 classes this week. And that is really really unlike me.

Not knowing what I want from life terrifies me. Not knowing what I want to do after I leave the security blanket of school terrifies me. Not knowing how to find the answers to these questions terrifies me.

I've had it in my head for some time that one summer I want to do the OSAP Explore program in Quebec, and that another summer I want to do the ISV program (International Student Volunteers) and go somewhere cool like Thailand or Costa Rica.. but I've been asking myself.. will this actually make you happy? Will you actually ENJOY doing these things or do you just feel like you SHOULD enjoy doing these things? The answer is.. I don't know. Or, no, I probably wouldn't be very happy being away from home.

My life is kind of crumbling in my hands.. I WANT my life to have meaning and purpose and I WANT to make a difference and contribute to society, I want my presence to be worth something. I don't want to be here in this life just to wait for the next day so that I can wait for the next day, I don't want to live a life with no sense of purpose and no sense of goal. But beyond.. wanting to want something.. I'm stuck.

How do I figure out what will make me happy when I've got nothing to go on?

Well, on a completely different subject, Mark called me up wanting to watch Gilmore Girls, so he came over last night (good times, the commercial where everything is made of chocolate lead to a conversation about what if the world were made of candy which, to make a long story short lead to bike riding to Dominion and back and then getting stoned and eating rice krispie squares hot out of the bowl lol) and I realized something..
OK for about the past half year I have noticed that whenever I'm one-on-one with a guy that I'm not entirely comfortable with I get all awkward and have trouble finding things to say and end up sounding like a moron when I do say something and end up kind of like zoning out into space. I figured that.. well.. I'm a girl.. I like boys.. it's been over 2 years since I've had a boyfriend so I'm just afraid of screwing things up.. BUT.. I found the same thing happened with Mark last night. This is blogger so you probably don't know who Mark is, but so you know, Mark likes boys. So obviously if that were the concern then I should NOT have felt awkward around Mark. And come to think of it.. I've pretty much been the same around girls too.. it's not as bad as around boys but I just can't think of what to say.

Kind of odd.. one would guess it to be a confidence/self-esteem issue, by why in the past 6 months or so should I have suddenly started being awkward? Je ne sais pas. I'm aware of it happening when it happens and I try to then make myself do something to change it.. but.. it just doesn't come out right. It bites.

Oh, by the way.. so I'm playing clarinet duets with Laura in Markham next Wednesday at Angus Glen for some Cancer Society fundraiser. We need OVER AN HOUR OF MATERIAL. I got some of the music through the mail a couple of days ago, though we can only get together like once to try and put it together.. um.. yeah.. that is a LOT of music. We'll see how that goes..

Oh yeah.. and the concert.. it was ok. I didn't really feel like it was up to TYWO standards.. felt like.. if only we had a couple more weeks to pull this shit together.. maybe I'll change my mind when I hear the recordings? The audience seemed to love it but.. I don't know, just didn't seem to par. Jo Alessi on the other hand is AMAZINGLY INSANELY AWESOME. *starstruck*

I feel like I had more to say but this post is definately long enough.. not like it matters, the only people who read it are Jamie and Carolyn and.. well I'm sure Jamie will skim it and Carolyn already hears everything about my life in person anyway pretty much. (This blog is really a little pointless in that respect, I'm again considering just giving it the axe)

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JENN A DULL BOY

2006-10-22T19:07:00.000-04:00

To see my schedule as of OCTOBER 30th, click Here

Flicka

2006-10-21T00:11:00.000-04:00

This evening Renee and I, both being horsie people, went to opening night of Flicka. It seems that whenever I mention that word to anybody they look at me strangely. It's basically a chick flicky horse movie. Oh my goodness, it was cathartic. Very powerful acting. Both of us cried (and let me tell you it is NOT often that I will cry in a movie theatre, I can't recall really having done it before. The only other movie I can think of that makes me cry is Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. YES, it makes me bawl.)
Sigh
It was good
I swear to god that some day I will have a horse. Some day..
Maybe I can scrape together enough money to ride again at my old barn over the summer.. but with paying for clarinet lessons over the summer (I don't do lessons during the school year) I don't know..
This will likely sound ridiculous to anyone but Renee, but the last line of the movie was about how when she's riding she feels free. And that is exactly how it feels. There is nothing I can even compare to the feeling.. but it is both exhilarating and liberating. I can't let it go. Wild hearts can't be broken. (And I've finally found someone else who knows what that even is!)

Anyways.. sigh how can I get any work done tonight in a mood such as this?

By the way.. I've finally seen someone else on my floor! Another middle aged man.. I couldn't tell you anything else except that his Labrador's name is Hunter! Very sweet dog lol (I love that I don't any of my neighbours' names but now I know the dog's name)

2006-10-17T22:24:00.000-04:00

Professor Kippen (my music prof) added me on facebook.. weeeeird

Montreal!!

2006-10-16T13:27:00.000-04:00

It's about time I get around to posting about Montreal.. (soo lazy). It was definately better than I was expecting it to be, though indeed it's annoying to travel for 12 hours and not be in Montreal for much longer.

Since this is Blogger and not LJ I'm sad to say it will be the edited version.

When we arrived we went to see a concert at McGill.. it was.. I guess it was good for what it was.. but I didn't really like what it was. Contemporary music is not really my cup of tea. But MARIA CAME!!!! And hung out with us later, and Emily too!!! The rules were much more lax than they were on the NY trip.. apparently Beryl even bought people drinks? I wasn't there, I was with Jessica, Emily, Helen, Gideon, Maria, Jesse at a bar. We got back to the hostel past the time we were told to be back and no one cared and then partay in room 307! There were 14 people in my room at one point (my roomies being Renee, Gita, Joanna, Helen) INCLUDING Colin (!) until late. It was awesome.

The next morning we went back to McGill and woodwinds and brass split up to have a boring pointless tour OR (for woodwinds) to have a really awesome workshop with Michael Dumouchel, one of the clarinet players from the ORCHESTRA SYMPHONIQUE DE MONTREAL!!! Really cool and got the section pulled together.

After this we had a couple hours before leaving so we went to eat.. we took the Metro cuz it was FREE ALL DAY! How cool is that? I wish TTC would have a free day! We were kind of late getting back.. again.. but we were WITH Colin and Beryl (awesome lol). Joanna and I have decided that we are going to have a kid together. I know Jesse was dying to use his French but he DID get to use his Spanish with some tourists who asked us a question! And to the surprise of us all RENEE whipped out the French when some guy asked us about the Metro! Go Renee! The ride back seemed like a loongg time but the last couple of hours Jessica, Jesse and I amused ourselves with interesting games of "fuck, chuck, or marry" and "would you rather?"

It was a short, slightly drama-ridden but very fun trip. It was nice to get to know better, or at least get to the know the names of people I wasn't already well-acquainted with. I'm sure there are plenty of funny, inside joke sort of things to be said but I can't seem to remember any at the moment.

I'm really too lazy to post all of the pictures.. I'll post some but you'll have to go to Facebook to see the rest.

Oh, yeah, my hair changed colour again, if you hadn't noticed :) (Thanks to Carolyn <3 )

Louis (he looks like Heath Ledger!!) and Rebecca

Rebecca, Strahan, Michael

Renee in our hostel room

Me, Jesse, Gita, Renee

Scott's getting a bit nippley

IIAAAANN!!!

BOOOOO SEPARATISTS!!

I REALLY suck at chugging anything bubbley..

Party in our room!!

Colin too! Throwing grapes..

Sleepy ride home Awww Helen

Jesse et moi

Whether I Can Weather The Weather

2006-10-04T22:42:00.000-04:00

After a few days it starts to feel like it's been grey (grey? gray? fuck Jesse where are you when I need you?!) forever and like the sun won't ever shine again. God I HATE when the weather is like this.. it fucks with my mind. AND it means I sit in class with a soaking ass because I forget to bring a plastic bag to cover my bike seat. It's not so bad when there's snow. Falling snow gives me a strange sense of security when I'm indoors and a strange sense of mystique when I'm outside.. even rain.. I love being inside when it's raining hard.. actually I love being outside when it's raining hard (provided I'm able to go back inside and change and not have be stuck wet in class or something) but IT'S THIS PERPRTUAL BLAND DREARY MONOTONY THAT I CANNOT STAND.

I'd say that it makes me irritable and slightly depressed.. which it does on and off, but mostly during this sort of weather I find myself predominately in an unnerving state of indifference and apathy to all aspects of life. It's not even an active sort of not caring.. it's sort of a.. *there's no point in reacting because if I just wait it'll be over and we'll move on to the next thing and I'll wait for it to be over too*

When I'm not in this specific frame of mind I find myself, as my Trainspotting poster would say, "wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning". I don't have an identity. You know how pretty much everyone you know you sort of categorize? You identify them with something. She's the girl who always says stuff that makes me laugh and is obsessed with celebrities, there's the guy who lives on his skateboard and always wants to smoke weed, etc, etc... there's something for everybody that I can think of and I assume that everybody does this without really thinking about it. The thing is, I don't see myself as having any sort of identity whatsoever. I don't see myself as standing out in absolutely any way. Any permanent way. And not in any way that separates me from anyone else, anything you COULD say about me you could say about countless other people who are better at or better known for that given thing.(No I'm not the girl who changes her hair colour because that's not ME really, that's me as of the last 3 months.) WHO THE FUCK AM I? It really really frustrates me. I hate that there's just nothing remarkable that you can really say about me whether it's good or bad (unless you don't like me for some reason and I just don't know about it), I hate blending into the walls but it seems to be something I'm good at.

You see what this weather does to me?

I've also been having nightmares. Even though there's nothing actually going on in my life that is all that stressful or notable. These are nightmares that don't feel scary at the time but that horrify me when I wake up and think about them. The one I had Monday morning was worse than anything you could ever imagine. It's actually bad enough that I don't know if I could bear to repeat it to anyone. Last night I was being chased. The feeling wasn't exactly fear, just an overwhelming need to ESCAPE. (It was my parents I was running from though I don't know why it should be them since it's been over a year since my parents could control me really.) Also I was running through a shopping mall. I always seem to be running through a shopping mall in chase dreams.. what the HELL does that mean?

Retrace

2006-10-02T01:24:00.000-04:00

-Thursday night I saw Reefer Madness: The Musical with James.. it is so funny. SO funny and SO well done.. as always with Hart House Theatre I just wish I could go back again and again.. I mean, come on, JESUS shows up!!

Minister dude after hearing the confession of reefer crazed Jimmy: JESSUSS CHRISSTT!!!!!
Voice from off-stage: YOU CALLED? *enter Jesus with angels*
Best line ever, Jesus: Body of me, like what you see? Have some body of me.. Jewish? That's ok, so am I!
And the narrator dude was SUCH a good actor.. gosh how did he stay in character?.. trapped a garden CHOKED with WEED. MARAHHHHUUUUUANA!
And the baby omg have I ever laughed so hard?

-Friday night I stayed in, pizza and movies with Tristan (finally saw V for Vendetta, and also My Super Ex-Girlfriend, both were good)

-Saturday night was a brief but enjoyable (wish I'd had more time.. damn SCHOOL) excursion into Nuitblanche (what a fantastic concept!) and then.. saw Reefer Madness again (you knew I would) except this time.. in a more appropriate frame of mind, with Chelsea/Alix/Jesse.. ooh mann.. FUCKING EH. It was incredible. INCREDIBLE. Methinks I'm gonna be downloading the music and becoming unhealthily obsessed with yet another semi-obscure musical!

-Sunday.. TYWO.. rehearsal was super-exciting for at least 3 reasons:
1. Helen brought me more books! Books are like CANDY to me. Both make me excited but books don't make me fat!
2. Rebecca, Hailey and I have FINALLY laid plans for our DISNEY MARATHON!!! We are all going to be singing ALL the words and.. omg.. it's going to be so much fun.
3. Kevan came to visit and gave me GROUP PASSES TO THE SCIENCE CENTRE OMG IT MAKES ME SO FREAKING EXCITED (don't worry, I shared the extra ones with Jessica/Jesse/Strahan, I didn't hog them though I'd have liked to heh though maybe we'll all go together like 4 times heheheh LOVE YOU FOR THAT KEV, SO EXCITING! Happy travels!)

It's been a fulfilling weekend fo shizzle, sort of. I'm still in sort of a nowhere place.. the good and the bad cancel out to a slightly unnerving neutrality. Gladly there's enough school work to keep my mind off of it. I'm ridiculously behind in my reading though.. this Astronomy assignment is gonna feel so good to hand in (if we ever get it done).

It's so hard to be patient when every second life is getting shorter and shorter.
It's so hard to keep looking at life that way, though letting each of those seconds slip by without attention to their value would be worse.

YESYESYES!!!

2006-09-26T21:41:00.000-04:00

HOLY FUCK!!!!
HHHOLLLLLYYY FFFUCCCCK!
I was just notified that Innis College/ U of T is giving me SCHOLARSHIPS!!!
TWO OF THEM!!!!
$500 each
Plus $1000 from an independant scholarship

=$2000 in scholarships!!!! I CAN EAT THIS YEAR AFTER ALL!!!!! WWWWWWWOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I'm SO excited, I thought I'd NEVER see any money from U of T.
I rock your socks and you know it. :D

2006-09-25T21:38:00.000-04:00

Sooo I'm a Unicef employee again officially.. they made my life a WHOLE lot less stressful by remembering how much they loved me last year and not making me go through an interview or give references this year. The same will go for camp when summer comes, yes? God I love being handed a job. I heart Unicef, the only kind of retail that doesn't make me want to hang myself. Fingers crossed that they give me reasonable hours (by reasonable I mean not too many since I already don't have time to do the reading my english courses want me to.. then again I really need money to pay off my car debts.. sigh)

SEASON PREMIERE OF GILMORE GIRLS TOMORROW!!!
AND LOST NEXT WEDNESDAY!!
Now to find a place that sells blank VHS tapes around here.. anyone know?

I bought an NES game from eBay.. they charged me for one.. but in the mail I got 2.. like.. 2 separate but identical envelopes with the same game in it.. wweeeirrddd... communication lapse at the store? lol works for me!

WEEEEE!!!

2006-09-24T17:14:00.000-04:00

I'M IN THE SECOND ROW!!!!
I'M ON THE -END- OF THE SECOND ROW!!
THAT'S THE NEXT BEST THING TO BEING A 1ST!!!!
OMGSOEXCITED!!!
Dare I say that all my hard work paid off??? (Granted there's much less competition without Alix/Mark :P)
This makes me soooo happy lol I'm so glad I've moved up from last year (nothing makes me happy like self improvement lol)
Though it shall be sad not to be Ian's stand partner :(
Alix, next time you talk to me, ask me who I'm sitting beside.

The 1sts are Helen, Steffi, Gideon (for some reason it comforts me that they're all people from last year)
Steffi and Gideon weren't here today.. so Colin told me to sit in on 1st!! WEEE SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW WITH HELEN IS SO EXCITING!!! (Though very, very difficult. Especially with sight reading.)
*deep breaths* OK.. I'm done talking about it.. wait once more...
SSQQUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

I guess I should be happy or proud or something that I got into the HHSB (Roger's apparently being all serious about it like Keith never was) but.. I'm kinda not. I was REALLY looking forward to playing with Jesse and Carolyn.. I'M GONNA STALK ROGER AND BREAK INTO HIS HOUSE AT NIGHT WITH A MASK ON AND THREATEN TO BURN THE PLACE DOWN IF HE DOESN'T LET YOU GUYS INTO THE BAND. Or seduce him. Which ever works :) Sigh.

Purple, Sort Of.

2006-09-21T18:49:00.000-04:00

2006-09-20T13:49:00.000-04:00

I got back into TYWO yay!! What a relief.

Yesterday was the HHSB open rehearsal/audition.. Jesse, Carolyn, and I represent-en on Bb! We had to sight read 3 pieces.. the first was REALLY easy.. the second we all got lost in.. the third.. was... HOLST'S SECOND SUITE IN F!!!! Holy crap!!! That piece has been intertwined with my SOUL ever since doing it with MDHS in grade 10. It made me SOOO excited lol how amazing is that that I already KNOW the hardest sight reading piece.. muahah. Myself and some random trumpet player took it upon ourselves to go ahead and play the euphonium solo when we got to that part since no euphoniums were there hehehehe. By the end of that rehearsal/audition I was so hyped up and excited to be playing my instrument! Very rarely am I comfortable enough to be transformed into that super-out-going mode but when it happens.. it feels GGREAT! I'm not too sure how Roger is going to run things versus how Keith ran things.. but the placements aren't up yet. Hart House shall suffer at the hands of some sort of fiery heathenistic pagan ritual if Jesse and I don't like the placements.. WHAT? I didn't say anything of the sort..

Afterwards Carolyn came home with me (sidenote: walking through a flock of pigeons in Queen's Park and waving your arms while spontaneously yelling... PIGEONS!!! hahahaha I love you Carolyn, that was frightening) and we ordered pizza (uh.. meatzza.. .. what do I want on it? Um.. it's a specialty the meatzza? MEATZZA, IT'S ON YOUR MENU DAMMIT!) and were joined by James, and we all watched House and had a jolly old time!

I think my poor little Patty either has a cold or has allergies.. she's been sniffling and sneezing and behaving strangely.. like.. sleeping by herself out in the open instead of in her little house with Marcie like normal.. she nearly broke my heart last night, curled up in my old sock looking all sick.. she just looked so sad!!

But then 5 minutes later she was tearing around the cage playing with Marcie again, so I guess she can't be THAT sick. Phew.

My Schedule, By The Way

2006-09-18T00:40:00.000-04:00

Monday:
Fiction 1832-1900- 6-9

Tuesday:
South Asian Music- 9-11
Canadian History (Tutorial)- 12-1
Canadian HIstory- 1-2
Astronomy- 2-3

Wednesday:
Major British Writers- 5-8

Thursday:
Canadian History- 1-2
Astronomy- 2-3

(Friday's off)

Light Up A Mean Blaze With Posters And Screenplays

2006-09-18T00:23:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel stretched so thin. Nothing provokes it really, there's no drama or tragedy going on right now.. but sometimes the past just seems to weigh so heavy on my present. Why do I say things like these on a journal? I hadn't thought about that, but upon reflection I think it's because there's no one close enough to me to whom I would feel comfortable explaining things like that to. It needs to come out but the person I feel the most comfortable telling it to is my inanimate computer screen with the comfort of the written word. It's a little confusing, some strange psychology indeed since those who I couldn't talk to so personally instead read the same material (though explained to a lesser extent)? Puzzling. I hope I don't sound emo. Ew.

I don't own emotion, I rent. (I don't actually know what that means, I just think it's a really cool line haha)

It was really awesome to see TYWO peeps today. It made me so excited and put into such an incredible mood. Hopefully my audition was sufficient to allow me to continue experiencing this on a weekly basis. Colin looks incredible and very small. Impressive.

I have the dye. I'm waiting for my hair to lighten more first. Will I have the guts? I don't particularly think purple will suit my face but nonetheless, as experienced immediately before I dyed my hair bright red, I seem to be getting this unstoppable urge to be noticed in a crowd for once. Being so unnoticable and unremarkable gets so frustrating. Plus I just think it'll look really cool even if it doesn't look good on me in particular. We shall wait and see. Also being sick of the ridiculous frizzing that has plagued me the past few days in this Toronto weather, I just bought a good quality straightening iron off Ebay. A friend of mine has the same one and it works spectularly. I'm excited.

Buying off the internet is fun. I also bought a Trainspotting poster because I love the statement it makes about society.. and I love the mocking.. the mocking is brilliant (but you have to understand the context of course). See > http://www.fritzlandia.org/pics/choose_life.jpg

I can see through one of my burners to the stove. There's just a big hole.
Right now my curtain rod is being somewhat precariously held up by my mop.

Almost Settled

2006-09-15T23:58:00.000-04:00

Apartment Pictures! You know you love pictures. Click here!

2006-09-12T22:20:00.000-04:00

I'm moved in now.. it was stressful.. still is, don't have curtains yet which is troublesome because the window is like.. the size of the wall. I'm not comfortable here yet really, it's weird trying to get used to like.. having a couch and a kitchen beside my bed.. and I'm lonely already even though I've been seeing people a lot.. I just.. really don't like coming home to nobody. I'll get used to it I guess. I hate the first week of school.. my classes look boring and hard and there are so many books and it feels so far to campus! (Not so bad on the bike but.. when there's snow and stuff...ick).
Chelsea's was SO much fun.. I LOVE YOU CHELSEA! As far as I can remember the most memorable and random part was the sitting on the ground outside of The Green Room (drunk) spelling out "Happy B-day" with marshmellows and toothpicks! Ted is my hero. Uhh what else is worth mentioning.. Jesse had to buy me a drink because he lost a bet over what the first letter of one of the other guests name was (we tried liquid cocaine.. not bad, not bad.. but I love how later I turn around and Jesse's already ordered our next round, how convenient!)

I rode my bike home part of the way.. it was like flying! It was so exciting and I like couldn't feel my legs so they didn't hurt. Probably not the safest thing in the world but not many cars are out that late on St. George.. it was cool lol.

I got my rats.. they're just little baby girls, about 6 weeks old.. very rambunctious.. they're living in a cardboard box right now having a jolly ole time chasing each other around.

I have Music class with Renee! Yay!

Victorian Fiction looks monotonously boring.

I'm super excited to see Hart House Theatre do "Reefer Madness: The Musical".. the plan is to go in a.. umm.. appropriate state of mind. Who's in?

Today I tripped over my bike and fell on my ass (and on the bike) very painful and embarrassing.. especially since the guys walking by LAUGHED at me. But then I realized that one of those guys was Ted, and he stopped to talk to me after he was done laughing, so it was alright lol for some reason it's not embarrassing when the people laughing are people you know.

Ummm what else do I have to say.. come chill with me? Ask me for my newly activated land-line phone #?

I will post pictures when I have the energy.

*Edit* Today was a LONG day, mostly involving Carolyn, though it certainly would have been much longer without her marvelous company :P We have 3 classes together (2 of which were today) I'm really too tired to go into more detail.. but a car did a U-turn in front of some religious sorority dealie on St George that has a sign out front says "God Allows U Turns" which personally I think is HILARIOUS.

Argh.

2006-09-07T20:42:00.000-04:00

Ok, so, I blew it. I really did. If I had played everything well and not gotten in I would have been ok with that, but it's SO frustrating that I've worked so hard these past few weeks.. and actually started to sound pretty good, been able to play everything up until the moment before I step into the audition room.. and then.. just crash and burn. I fumbled, I cracked the high notes.. I just.. uggh.
Well now I know for sure for future reference that I should play the hardest thing first because I'm ok for the first thing I play and then start shaking.. until by the second or third excerpt I'm going like a bloody leaf.

HUGE thanks to Alix for coming along, it helped so much lol so much less intimidating a process with a friend there.

Well believe it or not Jeff Reynolds RECOGNIZED me.. it's so weird like that.. I spoke to him when he visited TYWO last year and he recognized me THEN too.. (maybe from LAST years audition.. wweeeird.. ).

It's ok. It's totally OK. Next year I'm going to be so SO MUCH more prepared for this. And I'm gonna be super prepared for the TYWO auditions, I swear to god. I'd only really want to play one year with the Fac. anyway because I could only use one of those credits for my minor because of the other requirements. There's always next year. OR the year after!

On a completely different subject, I'm trying so hard to reason with myself.. reason with my completely irrational emotions.. and it's sort of working.. fuck why does this hurt. THIS SHOULDN'T HURT.
Sometimes I just hate life so much.. STOP KICKING ME IN THE ASS ALREADY.

FUCK.
Ok just needed to get that out.

I am NOT looking forward to moving in on Saturday. It's going to be such an aggravation.

A Classic

2006-09-06T14:00:00.000-04:00

I had to share this with you.. the dream I had right before I woke up this morning.. because it is a CLASSIC audition anxiety dream (my first audition being tomorrow) and that amuses me:

I was at an audition and they called my name first and I was like OH SHIT because for some reason I hadn't been expecting this and i wasnt warmed up and I couldnt get my reed to go on properly or the sound to sound normal.. and then I realized I didnt know where I was and couldn't remember which audition this was, it was supposed to be U of T but i wasnt AT U of T and COLIN was there so I was like OMG my TYWO stuff isn't ready, it's my UOFT stuff that I've been working on!! The guy who went in before me came back and was freaking out because for his audition he had to play along with a MOVIE that they randomly put on? Sight reading except.. ear anticipating? And as I went into the room there was some girl and Colin asked her if she could be a clarinet accompaniest to a piano (in the band?) and to demonstrate that she could.. she played MY solo.. and a whole lot BETTER than I can.. Then they left me alone for a minute so I tried to warm up but it turns out my mouth piece was a drinking straw?? And then my reed broke in half anyway?? Somehow songs came on the radio that I've played along with before, so I started playing along hoping they'd hear me and not make me do the crazy playing along with a movie thing. But nobody came back.. and it turned out that there had been a bomb threat or something on the building, but no one had told me or come and got me so I was the only one left in the building.. just me and the bad guys who were now in the building and comng after me.. (and then it ceases to be a clarinet dream and goes on but I don't remember that as clearly).

MUCH has gone on in the past week and a half.. been getting out a lot.. a lot of "interesting" not necessarily good stuff.. or both good and bad stuff happening at the same time making it neither..

2006-08-30T15:06:00.000-04:00

WORK IS FINALLY DONE! Time to actually breathe now!
Not gonna lie, I don't miss it. But I'm sure I'll miss the company of my little munchkins. Was it worth it? Maybe. I'm now a pro with 2-3 year olds, in my evaluation my unit head seemed to think I'd done a really good job.. I now have a much better understanding of small children, what they're like, how to handle them.. exactly how much responsibility and commitment having children is and how much love and meaning they bring to you. Do I still want kids? Yes. But it's a much bigger decision than I would have thought even. I made some decent social accomplishments as well. Will I go back next year? Maybe. If I do, I'll ask to be with older kids for the sake of that experience.

The weekend was.. interesting. Busy. Interesting. Not always in a good way but not really in a bad way.. Toria's party was.. interesting. Ronnie's party was.. interesting.. the drive home was PARTICULARLY interesting. Monday was Wonderland with Natalie, and that rocked because Natalie is lots of fun and it was like old times back in elementary school.. even though Dufferin packed up and left (aka we got lost lol). Last night was pretty interesting too (Jamie is the Candyland champion).

So.. my clarinet is very sharp. It's something I've been trying to work out for years and there's no good solution.. at my instructors suggestion I went to Harknett today to try out a couple of different mouthpieces.. ones known for lowering pitch. Except.. both significantly RAISED my pitch.. WTF. (The same shit happened when I tried this last year). The guy who was helping me knows me, gave me lessons for a while, and he was always like "its you, not the instrument" (my current instructor says otherwise) so he was like "let me try it" and tried and was like "you're right.. it is the instrument" (IN YO FACE MOFO) Unfortunately that leaves me a bit stuck.. I can:

a) live with it, it's not TERRIBLE I just pull out a LOT and my middle range is consequently flat, but the reed strength I'm using isn't ideal for the type of mouthpiece I'm using anyway..

b) go after Gary Armstrong downtown and buy a ring to extend my barrel or buy a longer wooden barrel..

c) think about investing in a new instrument..
i) I could rent to buy from Harknett.. they don't really carry very many good (wooden) clarinets to rent but their higher end would still give me a more even pitch than where I'm sitting now
ii) Just go right ahead and buy a good quality clarinet

Now, C)ii) seems like the last resort.. but believe it or not.. my dad is actually considering it as an option.. GUYS I MIGHT GET A GOOD CLARINET!! But I have to REALLY make it worth like the 2k we'd pay for it.. play it for like HOURS AND HOURS A DAY..

It's really a VERY exciting prospect for me.. but believe it or not a very intimidating one.. because I'd feel like I couldn't live up to the instrument I was playing. (That and my baby's been with me for 8 years now.. *sniff good old boy)

I guess it comes down whether it's worth what a wooden extended barrel would cost (I have no clue) and it's improvement to the instrument vs. it sort of being time to upgrade anyway.

*edit* I talked to my teacher and she seems to think it's not worth getting a new barrel.. she thinks that I'm ready for a better instrument, she let me play the lesson (and she let the lesson go for like an hour overtime) on her Buffet R-13 *drroooll* (it's like a $3800 instrument compared to my like $300) and it was soooo gooodddd

*edit**edit* THERE'S THIS RANDOM GUY THAT I MADE FRIENDS WITH AT CAMP AND GOT HIS EMAIL AND JUST RANDOMLY FOUND OUT THAT HE JUST HAPPENS TO BE A CLARINET PLAYER AND THAT PLAYED IN TYWO AND THAT HE HAS A REALLY EXPENSIVE CLARINET THAT HE MIGHT SELL TO ME BECAUSE HE CAN'T PLAY IT ANYMORE BECAUSE HE'S TOO BUSY BEING AN ENGINEER EXCITEDEXCITEDEXCITED!!! What a small world :)

tickticktick

2006-08-22T22:09:00.000-04:00

It's actually gotten so bad that I literally do no want to leave my house anymore because I don't want anyone to see me.

Not gonna lie, I've been posting a lot on LJ (only) recently because it's been personal stuff that I'm not comfortable posting on here for anyone and their uncle to see.

Oh Me Oh My

2006-08-16T22:56:00.000-04:00

This is ~~Daniel Cook~~ me being a photographer! When my family is over I play with the camera and make a game of catching my relatives using their charactertistic facial expressions.. I think that photography is my secret calling!

A Few Of My Favourites

This is my brother... look at me I'm the vacant sexy bad boy (no I do not think of my brother that way people, just trying to be funny here!)

This is my dad's scornful know-it-all face *yeah.. okay.. if you say so*

*Har har oh come on*

I'm Paul, this is my contemplative CAMERA FACE.. one day Paul I will catch you when you're not paying attention :P

If you're the camera type person and you care (aka. Jessica) the camera is a.. um.. Kodak Z700

So, I've decided that I want a pet rat again. Two males to be specific. (Rabbits just live too long and are higher maintenance). So I've been trying to think of clever male pairings to name them after.. I want it to be smart but something you could say out loud to the animals. At the top of my list so far is:
Jake and Elwood
or maybe Jay and Silent Bob (just because I think it'd be so cute to name a rat "Silent Bob" lol)
there are so many cute ones.. Bert and Ernie, Louis and Clarke, Merry and Pippin, Mason and Dixon.. it's just so hard to choose!!!! Let me know if you have any suggestions!

Also let me know if you have any old cages that you might donate to me!

P.S. Best present ever: The Official Klingon Dictionary (love you Paul :D )

Arms Of The Angel

2006-08-12T14:28:00.000-04:00

Do you know what's amazing? When someone you've been seeing regularly for like a year and a half and know backwards and forwards can still surprise you. How even though we both know what we're actually there for we can still kick back with a movie or in each other's arms discussing random things like evolution and middle eastern geography and north american history with no particular urgency. It's funny how very affectionate people/friends can become though there aren't "feelings".
I am so incredibly content.

For the next three weeks I can read on my own initiative! Sweet. The exam was "meh" but from before to after I cared more about it being over than about doing brilliantly.

I had many vivid dreams last night; I dreamed about my camp kids, I don't remember what specifically, but two things to take from that: 1. I love my kids to death and I don't ever want camp to actually end because I don't want to stop seeing them (at least, the ones that behave). 2. I got enough sleep last night (for once) to gets lotsa the good old R.E.M!

Weekend

2006-08-08T22:44:00.000-04:00

So the long weekend was sure a long weekend. For the most part, it was awful. It wasn't all bad though.
For Saturday and Sunday, and some of Monday, the sinus pressure in my head was bad enough that it felt like being stoned.. couldn't think straight, couldn't focus. Not pleasant, especially when essay writing needs to be done. But the essay was finished.. maybe not the most uh.. intellectual essay I've ever written but.. oh well, I got it done and that's the important part. Unfortunately this coinciding of events (essay + not being able to think straight) bred a strange and unreasonable rage within me that extended to the resurfacing of old rages. Not cool. (Not to say that the rage in question wasn't justifiable.)

At any rate, I stayed home all weekend, except for Monday night.. when the SCP had an adventure! We wanted to all hang out together one last time before Brian disappears off to the states for law school soooo.. korean bbq + karaoke! My first time trying korean bbq.. twas pretty cool.. I used chopsticks!! (I'm a HUGE newb so Brian had to repeatedly show me how to hold them.. and then like.. turn my meat for me when I forgot to lol it was fun) The karaoke was an interesting adventure.. as Jesse and I were determined to make it easier by consuming alcohol beforehand. After looking at the drink menu which was like 80% alcoholic beverages the woman tells us that they don't serve alcohol.. so uh.. nice menu guys? Helen informed her that we.. uh.. were kind of looking for a place that served alcohol. And we left. How hilariously embarassing haha! Anyways, we found a place.. discovered what an AMAZING singer Brian is (how cool is that?).. sang some hilarious renditions.. 50 Cent, Shakira, etc.. Jesse and Brian singing Spice Girls in high voices (or Jesse's girl voice in general).. TOO FUNNY!!

All in all, it doesn't get much better than singing Oasis into a beer bottle with people you love spending your time with.
I had -so- much fun you guys.. we must do it again. Though.. without Brian :'( .. dammit Brian.. SCP honestly won't ever be the same to me without you. Best of luck with those nutty Americans.. I know you'll pwn them. So Helen and Jesse... road trip to NYC? I'm not even kidding.. to say the least it means getting to go to that amazing duty-free again, muahaha!
If anyone saw our group hugs they'd probably think we were huge losers. But.. I DON'T CARE! :D
HUGE thanks to you Helen for your planning and driving and.. editing my essay again and.. EVERYTHING. You are unimaginably awesome.

Despite getting home late and being tired I didn't sleep a wink until about 9 am and even then couldn't sleep (perhaps because the pressure in my head had returned).. dayum Chelsea, one night of not being able to sleep feels like absolute crap.. it made me think of your insomnia and how INCREDIBLY awful it must be.. I would go absolutely insane.

The Prof. cancelled tonight's class! He's so awesome! And then Jeff settled our silly ice cream argument from weeks ago by buying me a fudgsicle muahah totally worth it melting all over me on the subway! :) Just the exam on Thursday and then I be free of class for a whole 3 weeks!

P.S. Everyone in T.O.. keep yourself open if you can to the end of the first week of September.. (the weekend of the 9th) because that's hopefully when I'll be moving in and I fully expect y'all to join in some house-warming/first-night-there festivities!

rant

2006-08-06T12:36:00.000-04:00

Today was supposed to be my family birthday party, except, we're not having it because mommy is too upset about the budgie to do anything but lie around and cry. How fucking unreasonable do you get, a BUDGIE is more important than your daughter's birthday party. Fine, whatever, I can understand that, only because that bird was my mother's only companion. So, that's even more sad, GET SOME GOD DAMN FRIENDS SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON A FUCKING BUDGIE FOR COMPANIONSHIP. If I ever get like that with anything smaller than a cat, just end my miserable life for me.

I'm actually not too upset about this because it means that I have today to try and write this essay. I had all of yesterday and got no where because the whole being sick thing basically just equals me falling asleep whenever I try to focus and not being able to think straight (I'm back spacing every few words to correct spelling, I usually don't need to edit at all). I'm afraid of not being able to do this for Tuesday because the Professor doesn't take late submissions. I'm trying really hard not to panic because that'll just make it even harder, but I can feel it simmering underneath the skin, I'm having nightmares about it and everything. I feel a little bit like I'm high except I'm definately not, but everything feels a bit surreal. I'm touching the keyboard but.. am I touching the keyboard? lol And I find myself filled with unreasonable anger at the thought of Friday night. I mean, it had previously come to my attention that, in fact, the group of people that I've been hanging out with for the past -2 years- aren't actually my friends at all and probably wouldn't care if they never saw me again, but what was planned Friday night seems to have summed that up in a nice little package. (No Jamie, I'm not including you, no Mark, I'm probably not including you either, you know I love you, though you definately don't have time for me anymore and I surely resent it.)

My brain feels like it's being squashed by the pressure in my head, if only my ears would pop and stay popped. STUPIDFUCKINGSICKNESSWHATTHEFUCK. I've been sick THREE times since May totalling a minimum of about 3.5 weeks of being sick, probably over a month now that this round has started. Since I only get about 3 months and a little bit of vacation because of my exams ending super late, that's being sick for at least ONE-THIRD of my summer. WHAT THE FUCK.

This is bullshit. I hate this summer. It hasn't been a summer at all. This is the worst summer ever and I wish it would just end. I want New York back, TYWO peeps let's all go back to NYC.

Squawk

2006-08-04T17:57:00.000-04:00

Well the decision was made and though I'll still couldn't say confidently that it was the right one, it feels much better to finally be walking down a path and not standing at the crossroads. I'll be living in a bachlor on St. George street, north of Bloor. The neighbourhood is gorgeous and I'm already pretty attached to the room, it seems like a very me kind of place. It's on the 5th floor and has a balcony facing North. It'd be pointless to describe it but I'll be sure to post pictures in September. Though I will say that it does have a pool, and though it'll be closed for most of the time I'm there (winter and all) it's gonna be sweet while it's open!

I would like to sadly announce the departure of our family bird Tweety to the after life. I'm not sure how many of you have heard the stories of my family's pets.. but honestly, every single one of them has died in some freak accident. Tweety is no exception. He loved to sit on the tops of doors. Unfortunately.. he went for the top of the door right as my brother was closing it.. and got squashed. The sad part is that he made it all the way back downstairs to his cage before he died. I'm not gonna lie, I never much liked Tweety, but the thought of this fate twists at my insides. My mom is a wreck. RIP Tweety.

This is gonna be a looonnng weekend.. lots of plans + my final essay due on Tuesday (haven't even chosen a topic)... oh uh.. did I mention that after 2.5 weeks of a bad cold and 1 week of being better.. I'm getting sick again? I can feel it. *sigh* Woe is me.

Too Much.

2006-08-01T23:42:00.000-04:00

So I had a bit of a breakdown this evening. The stress over this whole housing situation is just too much for me on top of everything else.. too much in too little time, quick decisions are being demanded of me, life changing decisions; I have trouble making decisions even when I have all the time in the world to make them. Live by myself or live with Jesse's friends? I'm not going to explain on a journal why I think it might not be such a great idea to live with 3 boys, though on the other hand it means there would be people looking out for me and people around to talk to. I think though, I'm still going to end up by myself. This is killing me because I'm convinced that no matter what decision I make it's going to be the wrong one and it's going to fuck up my life which would have been so great had I only taken the other choice. I had a sit down with my parents tonight and they made me feel so bad and guilty about the whole thing, it's my fault this is so last minute (IT'S NOT), it's my fault we're in trouble financially because I should be making thousands and thousands of dollars and should have been making thousands of dollars for years already like “every other kid” though they've always had me convinced that we were in a great place financially despite my inquiries and never bothered to mention to me that it was pretty necessary for me to be doing the aforementioned. It's JUST TOO MUCH. I started crying right there at the kitchen table, I couldn't help it, and then I couldn't stop, and I still can't seem to stop, I'm still at it, I don't even know why. It's just so much pressure, and so much stress, and so little sleep, and so little support.

Is it funny that my best emotional support right now is coming from two year olds because they cuddle with me?
I know there are people out there who care about me, I know, it's just that I don't really get to see or talk to them.. ever because there just isn't time. There isn't time for anything other than the bare minimum of sleep I need to be able to make it through the next day. I know there are people who have it just as bad or a whole lot worse, well maybe they're stronger than I am.

Gonna go drink some of my father's disgusting Mexican beer and get tonight's 6 hours of sleep.

The Darndest Things

2006-07-30T00:09:00.000-04:00

Interestingly enough my parents freaked out about the thought of me living in a basement apartment, but then decided that they would prefer for me to find a bachelor in an apartment building than to try and find a random roommate. Actually, the little feedback that I did get from friends seemed to favour living alone as well (though maybe people just favour the IDEA of it but don't actually know what it would be like). So, the search begins for a reasonably priced well located apartment building.. I may actually end up in one of the buildings I was scoping out with Laura in the first place!

Last night was the recital at Helen's house. I think the SCP actually played really well. WE ROCK!! WOOO!!! It's going to be so sad when Brian leaves for Columbia and we are no more.. (oh but we will live on.. we MUST!) There were a lot more people there than I expected.. I was like *people don't care about listening to other people play.. I don't have to be nervous..* It was all good though, I really enjoyed the other performances as well.. including a really good writer, a SEXCELLENT piano performance by Jessica (stop picking on yourself, I truely enjoyed your playing), some INSANELY cool "fire-spinning" and an amazing solo by Helen.. god Helen.. I'll be happy if I have HALF of your talent on the clarinet some day.

My parents were in Niagra Falls last night so I last minute attempted to have people come party after the recital.. night-before plans really don't work, but a handful of good ole Markham people came and went and I got to hang with Lowe for the first time in AAAGGEESS.. what a great guy (and not just because of all the weed he gave me apparently for my birthday when he was stoned lol). People were gone by about 2:30am, Jon was the last to leave after sticking around awhile listening to my probably incoherent conversation.. (well not so much incoherent as I forget every couple of seconds what the subject of conversation is and have to ask lol). Then I went online and bothered who ever was there and wrote and LJ post, as you can see, which I got a good laugh out of this morning haha. I'm kind of glad that people didn't stay overnight because it was nice to just crash in bed and not worry about anyone else. I thought that I had everything incriminating out of sight this morning.. but alas.. I left my god damn pipe on the kitchen table.. and it was discovered.. but I don't think they were too mad because I think they know that they can't really do anything about it.. and they know I obviously don't let anything affect my school/work performance.

Can't lie, I'm starting to like work more because I've gotten really attached to the kids. I miss them when I'm not there. I took a whole lot of REALLY cute pictures.. I'll try and pick out a few of the best ones for you (though they're all awesome).. I'm allowed to display pictures from work but I'm not allowed to put any names.. so.. here we go! (I'm gonna TRY not to over-do it.. but I probably will..)

TIME TO PLAY DRESS UP!!!!! It's the most adorable thing ever when a little boy wants to put on a dress.

Guess what.. I'VE GOT VIDEOS TOO!!!!!

Kind of seems like work is my whole life..

I Swear It's Not As Long As It Looks!

2006-07-23T20:14:00.000-04:00

So, my birthday wasn't bad exactly, but it wasn't exactly like I had pictured a 19th birthday being. I got AHEAD in my class reading (very awesome.. though the last book I need to read for the course I haven't bought yet.. so I'm kind of at a loss not having anything to be reading), I watched Save The Last Dance and George of the Jungle and The Flintstones and did some hazy stoned dozing.. and I coughed a whole lot. By the time Jamie called around 10:30ish I just didn't feel like doing anything at all.. and I went to bed. I feel as though I should feel that this sucks ass, but I admit it was pretty enjoyable to just lie around and do nothing all day, have my coughing fits over the phone instead of in person haha.

Huge thanks if you remembered to say happy birthday to me.. or if msn/facebook reminded you to say happy birthday. It made a slightly depressing day brighter :)

Though the reason why the day was depressing (despite my enjoying doing nothing) was that most of the people I would consider to be my current friends didn't remember at all. And out of what I consider to be my Markham "group" of friends.. only two people said anything to me. The majority of the people who said something to me were people I haven't seen for months or years and almost never talk to. I notice that it seems to often be the people that I put the MOST effort and care into that don't end up giving any back.. and don't even bother to say happy birthday.. I won't mention any names.. but there are a couple. It's time, I think, to do some serious re-evaluting of my life and the people I'm living it with. It's no big a deal I suppose, we're all human. Though I will admit that every year I say to myself.. "maybe everyone is just PRETENDING to be busy or PRETENDING not to remember or care about my birthday because they don't want me to know that they're PLANNING something for me..." But, who am I kidding right? If you want people to care about your birthday you have to be the one making the big deal about it, and you have to offer people free food and a place to do their drinking into the bargain.

I sound very pessimistic and complain-y don't I? I swear I'm not as much as it looks like, it just sort of comes out that way in writing! I PROMISE. At any rate, I got a nice long phone call from Mark, who I miss like crazy and haven't seen or talked to much in AGES. And Jesse, I love you for text messaging, believe it or not. And Justin for stopping by. And Jamie, who keeps calling even though I'm a huge grump lately.

Now here's the part where I need some feedback from who ever is reading this.. about:
HHHHOOOUUUSSSIINNNNGGGG

Yeahh.. so last week unfortunately Laura backed out on me. Her parents decided they didn't want her moving out. So basically, I'm kinda screwed! There's no way I'll be able to find someone else at this point to be my roomie.. so it comes down to 1. Moving somewhere by myself, bachelor, one bedroom basement, that sort of thing or 2. Moving into an apartment or house with one or more strangers. I'm having a TERRIBLE time trying to decide which one I'd rather. Both are fairly available. I think living alone would be AWESOME.. do what ever I want whenever I want with as much or as little noise, no one to be bothered by my practicing or having friends over, not having to clean OR put up with someone else's dirt... BUT.. would it be too lonely? Is it too sketchy to not have someone who would notice if I disappeared? Not to have someone just AROUND? I honestly can't decide because both present a rather large risk. At this point, I'm going just go for the first place I can find that looks good as far as price and location no matter which of the two that it is. If I could count on always having people wanting to hang out or come visit I might be less hesitant about living alone, but honestly, how often when you say to someone "oh yeah we'll hang out a lot this year" when you don't know them all that well, does it ever actually HAPPEN? So, sketchy.

What do you think I should do?

Alright, ready for some Ottawa beach/bungee pictures? I guess you'd better go Here

Cough

2006-07-20T14:44:00.000-04:00

A real post will come soon (one with pictures!), but I'm not feeling motivated enough to do it right now.
Though I will leave you with some of my brilliant photography. Voila le Ottawa River.. where Jamie, Kate, Alex and I spent the weekend.
Gorgeous. Click Here

Not Trusting Blogger

2006-07-08T20:04:00.000-04:00

Go to LJ for an update.

Yay.

2006-06-30T20:32:00.000-04:00

Poor blog, I've been neglecting you.

I got a letter saying I'm on the Dean's List (means I'm in the top 10% in the arts/science faculty) yyyyayyyyy.. for some reason I'm not very pleased at this.. not to say I'm displeased, I just don't hugely care for some reason. Maybe it's the mood I'm in.

On Tuesday we'll see how fast I learn how to take care of a handful of two and three year olds. At least I can give the cheering a break.. I had fun this week but it got a little tiresome towards the end.

I feel so crummy for no good reason, this seems to be happening a lot in the past little while.. I think it's an "all the little things adding up" sort of deal.

RandyMcRandom

2006-06-22T02:39:00.000-04:00

I feel a bit like Salieri in Amadeus, the champion of mediocrity. Everything with me has always been "ok" or "good" but I've yet to discover any true talent, anything great about me.

If you had to pick one word to describe me what would it be? (A very hard question, yes, make it two words if that helps :P )

The numbers fluctuate, but these days about 25% of me would like a significant other and the other 75% makes me feel rather surely that an emotional relationship can only ever inevitably lead to the sort of pain that I have no defense against. Stupid arguing and drama and the guy turning out to be a huge prick and being blinded to reason. I. Am. Terrified. Of. Experiencing. Any. More. Of. That. Sort. Of. Pain. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll throw fear to the wind if given the right circumstance.

Last week my clarinet teacher gave me Weber's Concertino.. this week we spent the whole time at the piano with her accompanying me.. it was -so- much fun.

Yesterday on the subway there was a little boy whose skateboard was taller than he was, after several minutes of complete silence, he asked his father: "Dad, do you think Steven Harper is a good president so far?" It was so cute. His dad went on to talk about multiculturalism and terrorism, using entirely adult language, stopping now and again to ask if the kid understood what this or that word meant. He even quoted Benjamin Franklin to him. That's gonna be one smart kid when he gets bigger. I was impressed.

When I'm first getting to know people, they always end up asking what kind of music I listen to and I can never think of an answer that doesn't sound like a cop-out. I'm the only person I know that puts Phantom of the Opera, The Folksmen, Simple Plan, Leanne Rimes, The Muppets, Pink Floyd, Christina Aguilara, Queen, and so on, all on the same cd. I drastically mix a wide variety of genres in a way that would make some physically ill. Very rarely do I have more than one song by the same artist on any given cd. I won't even begin to explore the dire psychological possibilities of such an all-over-the-place approach. We'll just say I'm unique!

HAHAHA

2006-06-20T13:52:00.000-04:00

click here.. THERE'S A GIANT FRIGGIN PICTURE OF ME IN THE MARKHAM ECONOMIST!!

"with teh Toronto Youth Wind Orchestra" I could have done a better editing job..

Stop And Smell The Roses

2006-06-20T01:47:00.000-04:00

Walking, frolicking, splashing, playing in the rain
Curling up warm and indoors and watching a thunderstorm
Walking through snow, the big fluffy kind that makes you feel like magic is in the air
Crunching through autumn's leaves, drinking in the magnificence of the leafy colours
Walking under a blue sky, feeling the new warmth and joy of spring sunshine
Snuggling up in your bed and drowsing after a long or tiring day
Singing at the top of your lungs when no one can hear you
Dancing with abandon when no one can see you
Fiddling on your instrument for fun when no one is around
Playing with a band, those moments when the music becomes a part of you, fills you, lifts you up and carries you away
Steering wheel drumming and mock double-tonguing to Persis (or what-have-you), driving laps around the neighbourhood not wanting to stop the car until the song is over
Stargazing, whether it's warm and comfortable or cold and crisp, when I look at a sky filled with stars I feel I can't tear myself away
Horseback riding.. the absolute thrill of a gallop, of flying over a fence, feeling as one with the animal.. even from the ground, the intense bond and affection one develops with those sensative creatures (I can only speak for horses as I've never had a cat or dog)
The luxury of melting into your own thoughts and philosophy, introspection reaching a point of spirituality

We get so caught up in the big picture. I get caught up in the big picture, or I worry about small troubles, and it's so easy to lose sight of what really matters. What really matters are the small pleasures in life, the simple things. Look how many there are, I've only listed the obvious handful.. every once in a while I need to stop, step back, and remind myself of all the beauty and joy there is around me if only I take the time to appreciate it. I fret about being lonely, being single, not having many friends around this summer to fill up my time.. but Jenn, look at all that you can experience without another soul in sight. I can be happy just being with me. Stop and smell the roses, my friends.

Walking through campus this time of year, there's an ever-present hint of flowers in the air, they're planted everywhere. It's absolutely lovely.

This evening I stopped by the camp staff social.. apparently I'm in the "Koala Unit"... what on EARTH possessed these people to put someone with NO experience with children, especially not young children, in charge of 2-4 year olds!!!! It's going to be a learning experience let me tell you.. but a good experience, I think. I think they'll be adorable (when they're not crying) and I'll get hopelessly attached to them. I'm a little disappointed that I won't be getting to run around playing sports all day (woulda LOVED the exercise) or doing crazy crafts or whatever (maybe next year).. what do you even DO all day with 2-4 year olds?? On the bright side.. the "koala unit" ends at 1:15 pm!! (The rest end at 4 pm) so what does the staff do all afternoon after our kids go home? We shall see, but hopefully it'll be something kickass and not like.. dirty work of some sort. We shall see indeed. Also, being in charge of little'uns means not having to stay for overnights which means.. less time working for the same pay! Hey! lol, so it has both it's up and downs, I guess we'll just have to see how it goes.

I didn't stay long because we had an SCP rehearsal.. do you know what I love? How clarinetists can stop mid-Mozart's Magic Flute and all randomly break out into Rhapsody in Blue! Haha! We watched the end of the hockey game (that last goal was infuriating lol) and ate Helen's delicious cookies..

I'M MAD LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEIN ALL MA TYWO PEEPS ON SATURDAY NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! PAARRTTAAYY!!!!!
Think there'll be any naked hot-tubbing this time? Oh crazy band geeks :P

Face Value

2006-06-12T01:50:00.000-04:00

Yes, it's me, posting again. AGAIN. For two reasons:
1. I'm waiting for my KD to boil and there's no one currently online to occupy my attention.
2. I've been reading through Kev's archives from YEARS ago (so as not to miss out when the journal pulls a Marie Antoinette and gets AXED) and reading such concentrated blog (contrablog! like.. contrabass! Am I being weird? That happens sometimes!) makes me want to do more blogging myself. It's like a DISEASE.

Anyways, today's random thought is about appearances. This is not a new thought, not at all, but makes for an interesting ramble I think. The key fact here is that I don't care what you look like. Well I do, but it's not quite so straightforward. The thing about me (and everyone?) is that there is a HUGE discrepancy when it comes to finding someone attractive vs. being attracted to them. When I meet people for the very first time I'll probably label them as HAWT or *shrug* (hey I AM human and all) BUT that judgement has absolutely no application. Very often the people that I find the most attractive off the bat are the people that I am the least attracted to. Maybe because very pretty people have a very intangible, untouchable quality about them. It's a little hard to explain, but you kinda get what I mean? So Jenn, what the hell are you attracted to if not attractive people?! Well, you see, I AM indeed attracted to an attractive appearance BUT the sort of attractiveness that comes with ATTRACTION stems from personality. Let me clarify. When I meet new people (should I be saying "guys" instead of people so as not to confuse you? Girls are different, I find them attractive but am not attracted), the attraction is sort of neutral, and often I'm neutral about whether I think they are attractive looking. If I get to know someone and think they have a great personality that fits my own, I will become attracted to them and will begin to find them more and more physically attractive, increasing the more I like them. It actually works out really well for me.. I'll never date anyone ugly because if I like you enough to date you it means your personality has already made you appear physically attractive to me whether you actually are or not! ("are or not" in terms of majority vote? Whatever) Hahah! It works the opposite way too. On several occasions there have been people who I've found attractive off the bat, you know the people who everyone thinks are gorgeous.. well, if I get to know someone and dislike who they are.. I stop finding them attractive and they lose any physical appeal.

Kinda cool eh? I think so. I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE! Well, I do.. but.. yeah, you hopefully understand now what I mean! (That is, you understand if you've managed to keep in mind the difference between "attractive" and "attraction" but that's not a hard one.)

I am going to post a few (ok, maybe several) pictures. Mostly because they make me really excited. But they are Jessica's... GORGEOUS, AMAZING, INTELLIGENT JESSICA WHO IS SUPER-AWESOME AT PHOTOGRAPHY! (I couldn't wait to get your permission, I'm impatient and excitable like that, but tell me if you want me to take em down and I shall.)

I LOVE this picture.. I love you guys so fucking much!! (Jesse, Jessica, Helen, Me, Ronnie, Gita)

**To see the rest of the pictures that I have posted, please go to LJ to see them since I cannot do a cut on blogger like I can on LJ.. and because it's easier to post pictures on LJ, and because it's late and I'm lazy.

Crazy Adventures

2006-06-11T17:33:00.000-04:00

Friday Night-
Jamie's brilliant idea: CARVING CONTEST! We drove out to the 24 hour Sobey's and were allowed to buy whatever we wanted to carve (of the fruit/vegetable persuasion mostly) and then whipped out the knives and had at! AJ and I constructed likenesses of Jamie and Kate from potatoes so that they could be arranged into sexual positions (we gave Jamie the benefit of the doubt :P ); Jon made a hilarious and actually really good figure of Nelson Mandela out of a yam, some broccoli hair and some radish limbs; Kate carved a pretty awesome dolphin; Jamie, before being viciously attacked by his Jamaican peppers (Telehealth is USELESS) made Jon's head out of a melon.. it looked hysterically terrifying, and we left it later on Mark's porch for him, or someone in his family, to discover in the morning haha!

What a good time, this random shit is what I live for!
Though.. when one really thinks about it.. it's a tiny bit sickening that us middle-class-suburban-brats buy food and then waste it for our personal amusement.

I discovered the benefits of being (seemingly) overly friendly to the kid with the late shift at Tim Hortons, he gave me like a million more timbits than I paid for! Score!

Saturday Afternoon-
Jamie's brilliant idea TAKE TWO!: We + Kate + Mark drove a good long while but finally made it to JUNGLE CAT WORLD!!!!!! Don't you just want to say that with an asian accent? Try it.. JUNGLE CAT WORRLLDD!!!!! Basically a zoo, somewhere around Oshawa, except not huge and featuring cats of all sorts (lions, tigers, leopards, lynxs, panthers, jaguars, etc etc) as well as some random things like monkeys, and some arctic wolves (which I particularly liked). There was a big ass pen filled with BUNNIES!! Also bunnies and goats wandering free range all over the place. And in the playground.. one of the goats climbed to the top of the slide and was sitting there.. (I'm the king of the castle!) Very amusing.

Saturday Night-
STRAHAN'S BIRTHDAY PARTY! It was awesome. Poor M. spent a good few hours on his back on the front lawn haha (I'd feel more sorry for him if I didn't feel a whole lot MORE sorry for Strahan for having to clean up after him.. and a couple other people..) Highlights include: dancing with Jessica in the basement (ow ow!!), Strahan and his kilt.. and the mark his face left in his cake hahaha, getting better acquainted with Ronnie (him assisting me with verticality for an extended period of time haha), ummm what else.. I can't remember a ton off-hand. Anyways.. GREAT party Strahan. Awesome to see lots of TYWO folk. I crashed there and dreamt about Jesse all night (I hope that doesn't freak you out Jesse haha we had adventures in NY.. there was a crazy like alien flying saucer that would appear in the sky and when it did everyone would start screaming and freaking out and run away and we were like WTF?! and then noticed that the people who didn't run away in time were getting like.. zapped.. scary) and awoke with Skittles the cat on my leg, she stayed down there with me all night, DAYUM I WANT A KITTY! I needs me that unconditional love!

P.S. Me + Kate + Jamie before heading out to see Alkaline Trio.. ignore that I look like a cow in this picture, doesn't Jamie look freaky with eye-liner?

While I Pondered, Weak And Weary

2006-06-09T03:20:00.000-04:00

There is a time somewhere between night and morning when my mind opens up a little. It's a time for inquiry, for examination, for retrospect- contained neatly within an arms length- a time when the boundaries of my thought expand just enough to give a sensation of breathing room. Room that allows me an opportunity to take that step back and look around. Enlightenment comes from the objectivity gained from this side-step, or maybe not enlightenment at all, maybe just a new, distorted perspective hidden behind the elation of what presents itself as clarity. Fantasy is at it's prime, imagination bounding uninhibited through the expanded space. The nouns beg the adjectives to paint them a portrait and the adjectives crowd about me like children eager for permission. Time and space seem altered, they belong to me. This time is mine. More alive inside of my own mind than at any point where touched by sun. When I look at the stars, I belong to them. Ambiguity is my play-mate. Concision is my sword. With them I play-fight -en garde!- until a seeping reality again hardens the table-top beneath my finger-tips, or until the pull of drowse surfaces an awareness of the pillow beneath my cheek.
Until then, dance with me in the moonlight.

Nerds4Life

2006-06-09T01:21:00.000-04:00

I met Carolyn on the first day of Eng110. We discovered we had many things in common. We both play clarinet. And we both love Star Trek TNG. We're taking summer school together. We often have extended nerdy music and Star Trek discussions.

Tonight in class during our break we were doing just this, towards the end talking about Cmmdr. Riker (Jonathan Frakes) and the authenticity of his trombone playing in various episodes. The guy sitting next to us was visibly listening in. As we were finishing, he jumped in: "I must say.. I am SHOCKED... I'd heard that female trekkies existed.. but I've never actually met any before!!!!!"

He just seemed so impressed and incredulous.
We got a good laugh out of it.
Being a nerd rocks.

Speaking of which:
There's something extremely satisfying about driving home listening to the rich, ominous chords of "Of Sailors and Whales" (a piece of band music you've probably never heard of- unless you went to MDHS- based upon scenes from Melville's Moby Dick) while spectacular lightening crashes above in the clear, dry, night sky.
*shiver*
Had to be there, I guess.

Of What Dreams May Come

2006-06-08T00:46:00.000-04:00

This may be a rambling sort of post. We won't call it rambling.. more of a meandering.

I feel extremely unsettled.
It's been this way ever since I moved back home, I'm not sure what the dealio is. I pass through these jaded halls feeling as though I'm a guest in someone's house. When I was small, "home" was always my default page; any onset of illness or discomfort would automatically trigger the impression that if only I were to get home and be in my own bed again everything would be alright. Perhaps it is still so, but nonetheless this house no longer speaks to me of comfort and familiarity and belonging.
Maybe I just need a routine, to drown my alienation with productivity.
Maybe this is less about my physical surroundings and more about the recent surfacing of my on-going concerns about life.. the fear of never becoming something worth-while. The fear of reaching middle age and feeling as though my life has been empty or meaningless, but with it the vague sense of helplessness and inability to make something of myself, or to find out what I even want to make of myself.

It's not monstrous, just a discomfort; a leaky faucet that goes drip-drip-drip in the back of my conscious.

In the next week or two, Laura and I will begin apartment hunting- I await this eagerly, I believe I'll feel more at ease in a place I can call my own.. as I felt in my residence room. It's peculiar that now home feels more like borrowed space than the actual borrowed (rented) space.

The nature of the books I've been reading for Can. Lit. ("Always let a man think how fine and tolerant he is to put up with you") is filling me with rage and a determination to never fall victim to the subordinate house-wife malaise. I used to think it'd be kinda nice to live back in the old days.. stay-at-home and have a nice dinner ready for the dominant husband. ("I sobbed it all foolishly, clinging to him, trying to make him look at me, but he helped me to my feet and said I had better lie down for a while. A few minutes later he went out.")
I've changed my mind.

Speaking of class, you know one of the things I love about English? It's so breath-takingly intellectual. My class, consisting mostly of those with years experience on top of my own, has me listening in silent awe at the level of intelligence in their on-the-fly analyses of the literature we examine. You'll read a book, I'll read a book, and think 'oh, that was an interesting story.. girl does this and that and then it's over' and you don't really think very much more about it. But there's so much more. There's a startling amount hiding where you'd never see it unless you took the time to look. Astonishing levels of symbolism adding layers of dimension and psychology, a subtle shift of diction which changes the entire tone, a sublime manipulation or blurring of genre, a synonymity hiding cleverly behind a polarity of characters and a relationship to nature that can only end in a poetic justice, an extreme irony, and sometimes in a series of frustrating paradox.
The intellectual stimulation leaves me in a state of exaltation.

Let's dumb it down a little now: MMMMM FOOOOOD.
On Tuesday I made Jamie a cake as part of his present, since I missed his birthday while we were in NY and all. I thought it would be hilarious to make it big (4 layers) and, thinking to myself "what a monstrosity", I decided to give it a monster face. Goblins having also been on my mind, since the last two times I'd seen him there had been goblins involved in some way.. (watching "The Princess and the Goblin", then looking at the picture book of it the next time, and then watching Labyrinth last night... wow Jamie, the last 3 times we've hung out it's been goblin themed.. wtf is wrong with us?! haha!) Anyways, I thought I'd show it to you because it amuses me and looks delicious! (It also just occured to me that I made a monster cake on 06/06/06 haaaa haaaaaaa)

Speaking of Labyrinth, have you all seen it? Another favourite childhood movie.. starring David Bowie as the Goblin King haha found that we could not stop ourselves from looking at the blatant bulge visible from his wearing tights. I NEVER noticed as a child.. I didn't even notice like last summer when I watched it.. HOW COULD ANYONE NOT NOTICE!!! Oh lord.. yeah, and we caught one of the goblins saying something rather inappropriate.. you know those scenes where a bunch of characters are muttering? But if you actually listen you can distinguish what maybe one of them is saying? OH BOY. "You heard that too, right?" *we rewind and watch it again like 4 times*

Hy-larious.

I dreamt last night about driving, and true to any other dreams I've ever had about driving, no matter how hard I press down on the brakes, I can't make the car stop. The obvious meaning behind that almost has me thinking that it has no meaning at all.

Apart from this, most of last night's dreams were fantasy. It's pretty awesome living out in a dream what you'd fantasize of while awake. However, today these dreams left me awaking with a sense of discontent. Less of a "that was awesome" and more of a "stop rubbing in my face what's not going to happen in real life".

"Change" Therapy

2006-06-05T17:16:00.000-04:00

I don't care whether you like it because I love it!

Do -you- see it?

2006-06-04T01:16:00.000-04:00

My Web Skillz.. WHAT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!!

2006-06-03T00:15:00.000-04:00

I'm really really bad with computers.. I kind of know almost nothing about them or how to work things on them.. BUT I needed somewhere on which to share with you all of my New York pictures!!

SO.. it's not brilliant.. it's nothing hardcore or incredible.. but it's damn brilliant, hardcore, and incredible relatively to the person who created it!!!

Go to it, look through it, love it.. love me for it :)

http://a.domaindlx.com/jennandnewyork/main.htm

TYWO in NYC!!!

2006-05-31T17:24:00.000-04:00

What an incredible trip.
Please go to LJ to check out some awesome pictures and read an over-view of the trip. You won't regret it!

VICTORY IS MINE!!

2006-05-24T15:24:00.000-04:00

.. is officially a Senior Counsellor at Day Camp!!! YEEAHHH I GOT THE JOB!!
.. can now relax for the next month until it starts :)
Though I have almost no experience with kids. I hope they don't hate me.
:D

Alkaline Trio Etc

2006-05-20T23:50:00.000-04:00

Yesterday afternoon, Kate, Jamie and I gathered and proceeded to goth ourselves up. Mostly, applying lots of eyeliner. Jamie looked like a transvestite. AWESOME. Pictures hopefully to follow. We subway'd it downtown to Union and meet up with Alex (who was at least wearing black :P) Ok so getting up all gothy punk is SO much fun. I want to do it more often, just for the looks and the comments hahah!

Girl 1: Look at those scary people!!
Girl 2: *Giggling* Shhh they'll hear!!
Me: *glares*

Or, random person: It's like it's Halloween....

The concert was at Kool Haus, and was pretty awesome.. and violent! And painful!..... IN MY SOUL. (we like to make fun of angsty emo teens by adding that to the end of every phrase lol) We spent most of the concert by the front of the stage, at the top of the mosh pit.. most of the time couldn't move as far as to raise one's own arms.. there's something disgustingly exhilarating about being crushed and shoved and suffocated by an excited crowd. I got into it, anyway, and had a great time. That said, I'm now pregnant with the children of like 5 different guys whose faces I never saw! (I'm not being literal, but yeah, close quarters). And that said, I hate crowd surfers. Why? Because they love to kick me in the head. That, or use me as a launch pad. Dude, I'm clearly not that sturdy, why are you using my shoulders to try and climb on top of my head? Alex and Jamie did their best to protect Kate and I from dying, I was clinging to one or the other at any given time to avoid being pulled away or knocked over (I feel much closer to both of them now.. I swear to god I didn't mean to touch your penis!!!! :P) Soaked after like 15 minutes.. and only half of that sweat was my own (eewww... though I definately dried my face inadvertantly on whatever guy was in front of me a few times when I was shoved into em haha).

Great times guys. Punk concerts are SO MUCH FUN. Fucking Planet Smashers being in T.O only when we're in NY.. BAH!!! We got back to Markham, stopped briefly by Wes's party.. (happy b-day man) conversed with Colin.. oh Colin.. you huge drunk *shakes head*.. parted ways to scrub the borrowed sweat off, then reconvened at Jamie's where jello was had.

Anywho, today the SCP got together to rehearse for the first time in too long.. not gonna lie guys, I was in an awful mood when I got there but it didn't last long! :) We practiced then went out and got food then came back and watched Hocus Pocus cuz Helen and Brian hadn't seen it.. CLASSIC! "Je veux un livre" HAHAHA I love it. And Jesse left cuz he sucks and had cooler things to do *booo* but the rest of us ended up watching Robin Hood: Men in Tights (which was next on the tape) ah so good.. Cary Elwes is so funny.

*english accent* Everytime they make a Robin Hood movie they burn our village down.. LEAVE US ALONE MEL BROOKS!!!!!!!
<3

YYYEEEAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-20T01:24:00.000-04:00

Crs Code Title Mrk Grd
ENG110Y1 Narrative- 82 A-
HIS106Y1 The Americas- 86 A
MUS111H1 Survey of West Music- 80 A-
NMC260Y1 Archaeol of Anc N E- 86 A
SSC199Y1 Yr I Sem: Social Sci- 84 A-

YEAH FUCKING RIGHT BITCHES HOWTHE FUCK DID I PULL AN 80 IN MUSIC HISTORY?! I coulda sworn the exam raped me... you have absolutely NO idea how happy I am with these marks. I never would have thought that I'd be getting A's from U of T. Like, -never-, even during the year. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, EVEN WITH THE BEING STONED ALL SATURDAY THE WEEKEND BEFORE 2 OF MY EXAMS!!!

BOOO FUCKIN YEAH BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Ok, so I did get a 75 in the first term music history.. which isn't so grand. But ya can't win em all, and fuck am I pleased with myself right now.

I'll post tomorrow about the Alkaline Trio concert, which rocked.

Intuition

2006-05-18T15:15:00.000-04:00

The long awaited post.

So Tuesday was my first day working at the landscaping place. And my last day. So uh first I was handed over to the guy in the garage with the tractors and stuff, Chuck, and he was told to what ever he wanted with me.. except.. he didn't know what to do with me.
'Uh.. well you can take this box over to the burning pile.. just dawdle about it.. uh.. you can straighten out my work bench.. just dawdle about it' Ohhh man... 'You could go up to the house and ask what Cathy wants you to do.. OR you can hose off this tire." (So, he watched me hose off the tire, because it was his job and he had nothing else to do while I was doing it!) Next, I was taken to a big shed and told to straighten it out.. it being full of things like bags of cement and asphalt that were CLEARLY too heavy for me to lift. Lets just say, but the time noon came around I was DELIGHTED and relieved to begin weeding her garden. Even though it was raining. That is, until the flies started swarming my face. And biting me. I went to ask if there was any fly spray.. she only had Raid.. so I tried spraying Raid at the flies. I'm not sure if it worked. After at least 3 hours of weeding (wanting to DIE) the rain got REALLY heavy, and my hero Chuck came and got me ("here, I'll find something for you do inside that makes a little more sense") so I swept the garage floor for 45 minutes.

By the time I went home, I was soaked, my jeans saturated in mud, my jackets and t-shirt layered in dirt, my face streaked in fly blood from swatting at them. When I got in to the car I started laughing hysterically and then cried.
It gets better. So, the most recent count of how many insect bites I have on my face and neck is about 38. THIRTY EIGHT BUG BITES ON MY FACE AND NECK. Plus a few on my stomach, back, and the top of my head. There are so many really close to my right eye that it swelled way out of proportion.

Yesterday my eye was so swollen that I couldn't open it at all for most of the day. (I went to the doctor and got a perscription and today it has thankfully improved though it's still swollen and I still can't open it the whole way)

I quit before I left. I'd rather gnaw off my arm and beat myself with it than go back to work there! Now Lowe is trying to get the job there. Good luck to him. I wouldn't have made it through the day without Chuck, let's have some good quotes from middle aged red-neck Chuck:

Chuck to Doug: She's got that look on her face.. the one people always have their first day.. the "what the hell am I doing here" look.. [to me:] I've got news.. that feeling never goes away.

Chuck: Uh... when you bend over you're really.. uh.. exposed [from me not wanting to hike up my jeans with my filthy hands].. not that I'm complaining but uh.. a lot of guys come through here.. I wasn't sure if I should say anything
(by that point I was too miserable to even feel embarrassed lol)

Chuck: You really don't want to be here do you?

Cathy to me: Are you doing work?
Me: Yes
Cathy: Well, can I SEE you doing work?!
Chuck: What did Cathy say to you while you were on your break?
Me: [repeats]
Chuck: You're not going to be coming back here are you?
Me: *shakes head*
Chuck: Well this was a good experience for you... shows you why you should stay in school.

HAHA I love you Chuck.

So yeah. Misery. Thing is, the couple of days before going in I had this awful awful feeling about it, I REALLY didn't want to but I couldn't think of a good reason why. The morning of when I was on my way.. I wanted to cry, I was being a HUGE baby about how I really really didn't want to go.. and felt like an idiot about it because there was no good reason why I should so strongly not want to.

From now on, I trust my intuition. Ladies, if you ever have a strong though unexplanable gut feeling about something.. do NOT ignore it.
My intuition is on fire this week.. when I was coming home from class Tuesday night I was looking at guys on the subway and thinking to myself how much they looked like Kyle (old roommates boyfriend) and thinking about how nice it would be to see Kyle again right now. I stepped off the subway and a few steps later heard "Hey Jenn!" looked up.. and low and behold.. KYLE! Pretty cool, eh?

So Tuesday night was my first 20th Cent Canadian Lit class.. I was 20 minutes late because of work.. lol thank god Carolyn is in the class with me.. I'd say 85% if not more of the class is 3rd/4th year.. it was very intimidating.. they had so many sophisticated things to say.. I'm afraid I'm going to get owned. We'll see. I actually felt pretty good about my diagnostic response paper that we had to write on a short story before leaving. Though it's no doubt going to be a HUGE drag.. as 3 hour long classes always are.. especially during a hot summer.. it'll hopefully be worth only taking 4 courses come fall.

The Ayn Rand institute sent me a free copy of Atlas Shrugged!!! I entered their essay competition on The Fountainhead last year, and though I didn't win anything I fell completely in love with the book (Toria feels me on this one) and they sent me a free book over a year later for entering their contest! How sweet is that? I think it's amazing, I was planning on reading Atlas Shrugged anyway cuz.. Ayn Rand is awesome.

I still haven't unpacked.
Since being home we've.. gone to Laserquest.. I came in absolutely dead last. No kidding. But I used Kate's name as my game name.. she was mad that her name was in last place HAHAHA. Went to Golden Griddle Tuesday night, last night went to Jack Astor's, watched Lost together yay.

Hollow

2006-05-15T15:18:00.000-04:00

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a...

No, fuck you. Enough whimpering.

Surreal

2006-05-14T19:12:00.000-04:00

MY FINAL MARK IN ARCHAEOLOGY IS 86%!!!! WOOOOOOt!!!! Who'd a thunk? I giggled like a little school girl when I found out. Goes to show you just gotta set your mind to something. Unfortunately if I put that amount of energy into all of my courses I'd never eat or sleep or anything. But yeah.. an 86 in an upper year course in a difficult subject that I have no background in is completely worth all the emotional break-downs it took to get there :)

Tomorrow I start at Markham Landscaping (I think that's what it's called.. though it's in Stouffville..) and I'm honestly DREADING it. The good news is that I finally got out.. I guess everyone finished so far before me that no one is in a partying mood.. but I needed to get have fun at least once before starting work.. to celebrate school being done and whatnot, so I crashed at Strahan's last night and did so. And it was great. Thanks for that Strahan! (With Jesse over msn while he enthusiastically cheers me on does -not- count.. though that was pretty darn hilarious :P)

p.s. harry potter and 'great songs from the silver screen' for alto sax = I LOVE YOU CHELSEA!!!

Hello Summer

2006-05-12T18:25:00.000-04:00

Well, I have forever said goodbye to Innis Residence. Funny how you suddenly start feeling a lot more affectionate towards a place when you realize that after the next day you'll never be coming back.

My last night in residence was SO much fun.. finally being free of the burden of exams I could fully appreciate the awesomeness of having a whole suite to myself. I started off by taking a nice sweet long nap.. mmmm.. sleep after being sleep deprived is the best.. watched the Gilmore Girls season finale.. OMG!! Did some good old fiddling on my baby and on Betsy.. I realized that if I played the panflute in the suite hallway/kitchen, the echo mades the tone so UNBELIEVABLY FULL AND BEAUTIFUL. So I had a LOT of fun with that. A friend came over and we watched one of my favourite childhood movies, "The Land of Faraway".. I never realized what an enormous homosexual undertone it had.. the guy at Pizza Hut gave me a large order of breadsticks instead of small by accident and just let me have it! How awesome is that.

Anyways, after friend left I decided to get down to it. And by -it- I mean the DISGUSTING bathroom. I have no idea how it got so dirty.. but it had a seriously thick layer of dirt. I pulled my cd player out into the hallway cuz everything is more fun with music. I put on some ska, more specifically The Planet Smashers and OMFG IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!! This is retarded but I think that it came close to being the most fun I've had in that suite all year. Cuz honestly guys, how much fun is it to dance when no one can see you? And dance scrubbing? It felt really good and was awesome. I almost wished I had another bathroom to clean.

Moving out was a huge hassle. It was pouring rain all day.. it took sooo long to get everything out and get the place clean.. thankfully mommy dearest took the initiative with
most of the cleaning.. but I finally got home, and now here I am, in Markham. I slept for most of the evening.

This morning I had 2 job interviews.
#1 having already checked my references and actually having a daughter that I used to work with at the barn (which is next door) pretty much offered me 9-5, mon-fri (landscaping, aka garden bitch.. she asked if I'd feel comfortable working the tractors/fork lifts hehe)

#2 was at Day Camp. I want this job SO much. At first I was terrified cuz the interviewers were young guys, early 20's, and after the girl who got interviewed before me left (I was still filling out applications) I overheard them just ripping her up and laughing at her and making fun of her.. as boys will. BUT I think it went really well.. I managed to develop a really good rapport with them, laughing and joking and poking fun at them which they seemed to like, I even have a "bit" with one of them (as they'd call it on gilmore girls.)Damn he was really hot too.. and they seemed to like the answers to questions I gave.. and they spent a lot of time talking to me about what the job would actually be like, so I think I've got pretty good chances!! *crosses fingers*

But, I won't hear from them for another couple of weeks.. so what I'm probably going to do is take the landscaping job (the labour will me good for me) and then quit if I get the day camp job.

Jamie came along with me in the car to handle the directions and make sure I didn't crash or get hopelessly lost (which I definately would have..) and we rocked out to Sum41 and the Backstreet Boys.. AWESOME! And he's the one that put the cd in... hehe what fun <3

And so summer begins.. a work filled summer *sigh* It may be work filled but at least it'll be structured.. I agree with Chelsea on how not having a routine is maddening.

Two Exams And Six Days To Go

2006-05-04T14:25:00.000-04:00

Is it weird that I enjoyed writing that English exam? I wish every exam were an English exam.. eff History and Music.. only in English can I truely flex my muscles, that is to say, do some splendid bullshitting. I mean, where else can I write like 4 pages on how the use of narrative in non-fiction makes the world a better place? Or write pages on one line in a sight passage ("It's bitter, but I'm happy here on father's lap" Do you have ANY idea how much information one can infer about a novel one's never read just from analyzing one line?)

*glee*

Now it gets really hard.

.. CONCERT TOMORROW!

Life Is Only What You Make Of It

2006-04-28T01:23:00.000-04:00

Some people can bring me down so easily. All it takes is that small handful of words to just demolish my self-esteem, leave me figuratively curled up in a miserable ball of self-pity for the rest of the night. Funny how one person (and more than one person has the ability to do it, no mistake there) can so easily make me feel so worthless and so alone. Feeling as though no one will ever love me for who I am, as though I'm doomed to a life of "not good enough". Asshole, right? What bastards. No. Maybe I haven't grown enough as a person to move past these self-esteem issues, but I have however grown enough to realize that there's no one to blame but myself. I need to get a grip on myself and get control over this. I need to learn how to love myself when no one else does. If I feel like shit because of stuff someone says to me, it's not their fault for saying it, it's my fault for letting it get to me. I need to be stronger than that. I need to grow past this.

Well, anyway, how are everyone's exams going?
I'm terrified for my music history exam.. it's going to beat me into a bloody pulp.. it's only 2 hours long.. and besides definitions, short answer, and essay question, I also need to be able to, by ear, identify the composer/composition/date/stylistic features of 5 different music clips. The catch is, there are 6 cds and 93 pieces of music for them to choose from. Sorry but, it's not possible. Not to mention, the TAs mark SO hard on the other written stuff.. anybody free on May 10th to come and collect my scattered limbs after it chews and spits me out onto the floor?

I've seriously considered dropping my music minor for something else because I feel like I'll never be able to do well in it and it'll just drag me down.. like, no matter what I do they just rape it. Like, my essay, it was on par with all of the other essays I wrote for different faculties.. just as well researched and written as all of my other essays, and yet music is the only department that insists on giving me terrible marks. When in doubt, just take marks off without explanation! Bastards.. Nonetheless, I don't really have many other options. I don't want to minor in something I didn't take first year because 4 credits in 3 years would be a huge pain. Not enough of the archaeology courses strike my fancy, or I certainly would have switched to it as a minor. Maybe I still will. I can't decide. I could double major in English and History.. but the History major requirements are way too intense. I could do a Specialist in English. I would rather enjoy that BUT I still love history and since I have no idea where I'll end up career-wise, I don't want to narrow my options to that point.

Something rather amusing happened today. Alright well last night Jamie/Kate/Jon drove here from Markham to see a movie that wasn't playing anywhere else, so I met up with them (w00t!). I thought the movie was absolutely amazing, it blew me away. The title of the movie is "Brick" and since it's only running for a couple more days and since Strahan has a brick fetish, I made him come down today and see it. (It was even better the second time, because I caught more.. see this movie if you possibly can.) Afterwards he wanted to find that sushi place that we went to on 4/20.. so we went to Bay street.. and couldn't find it. We both remembered it being there.. remembered passing the Tim Hortons.. we walked up and down the street several times absolutely puzzled as to where the fuck this sushi place went. Thought we were either absolutely crazy and made it all up.. or that it disappeared off the face of the earth. Finally, absolutely baffled, we went into a convenience store and asked.. and were directed to the adjacent street. Lo and behold.. *sudden flashbacks of crossing the street and noticing those silhouette people by the Timothy's entrance* Man.. how hysterical is that? We were apparently REALLY high that night! lol like.. REALLY.

Good times.

Everyone Loves Herpes

2006-04-23T23:53:00.000-04:00

I've been in really weird mood today and yesterday.. really emotionally high maintenance.. in a very blah and crummy mood, in a constant state of needing a hug.. low in energy.. not being able to speak properly, everything I say comes out sounding REALLY stupid.. I think it must be the rain or something.

I shouldn't be posting such good post material only a day after the awesomeness of the last post, but for your amusement (and for my mood) I present to you:

Herpes the toad:

Over Easter weekend Jamie and I saw a cat prodding at something in the middle of the road, upon approaching it we discovered it to be a toad! And decided to take it home. And proceeded to be silly and amuse ourselves with it.

Being a toad, he liked The Wind in the Willows. At least, we decided he should:

He attentively listened while Jamie read to him:

After a couple of hours, we -drove- (yes, we took a toad for a drive in the car) him back to where we found him and set him free.
Oh the ways us weirdos find amusement!

So that latin percussionist dude today, Roderigo, he was pretty cool. I just wish I had of been in a better and more out-going/energetic mood, I probably would have gotten a lot more out of it.. but alas..

Guys.. I need a boy. Or at least some action. I get all this pent up energy (for lack of a better word) that should be directed at a significant other and have no place to put it. I guess most of you gals who read this feel the same way anyway, so it's almost redundant to say it.

April Showers

2006-04-22T14:29:00.000-04:00

Are you ready to hear about why I'm possibly the coolest (or most retarded) person ever?
Well yesterday afternoon, instead of doing work like I definately should have been doing (and definately should be doing right now.. ) I listened right through two of my favourite Backstreet Boys cd's! I suppose it's redundant to say "two of my favourite" since I love them allllll.. and despite that it didn't have my full attention and that I wasn't paying attention to what particular song was playing at any given time.. I nonetheless know every single word on those albums! Hahh! Gawd I love them. Ever since elementary school. Am I a huge loser or what? :D

Now I'm going to show you what was distracting me from the music. I was looking at Strahan's pictures of the abandoned brick factory in the Don Valley and couldn't help thinking about how all of those dark corners and doorways look like they should have monsters in them! And since I couldn't see any, I decided to make some of my own!

I started with the traditional type of monster:

And then thought.. it kind of looks like a cave.. it needs a dragon:

And tthhheen I got bored of trying to think of monsters to draw and decided than an alien cult would do quite nicely:

Aren't I awesome? That was fun :)

You know what I hate.. is when I'm woken up by a phone call from a potential employer. I blow it because I say the stupidest shit. *sigh*

Time is what it is, Come what may

2006-04-19T19:39:00.000-04:00

I guess it's time for an update, though I don't have anything particularly fascinating to say..
The sax is coming along nicely, though if anyone has some beginner alto sax music for me to fiddle with I'd be MOST appreciative! The panflute is not coming along quite so easily, it's going to take a great deal more work.

Nothing has really happened since my last post, I haven't been doing as much exam prep. as I should be doing.. I've been loving the -sleep in, go to gym, practice, read at my own pace- routine that has emerged.. I went to a Humber College jazz gig at The Rex with Strahan on Monday night cuz his cousin was playing in it.. met one of his friends who knows my clarinet teacher AND knows AJ! And presumably whoever else I know from YorkU music. What a small world. So, I'm jealous of these amazing musicians that sit there with a sax and a soprano sax AND a clarinet AND a flute.. all within one piece.. damn.. one day.. one day..

I'm not looking forward to summer in terms of the working.. and the getting up early.. and the not having the time to do everything I'd like.. (presuming I get a day job.. it's not exactly figured out yet..) but.. since we made that summer "to do" list, guys.. I'm getting pretty excited about all the adventures we're potentially going to have this summer.. :D

My 'spring fever' feeling is dying down a little.. due to no dying down of the weather which has been GORGEOUS.. but more due to an 'I really like him but I'm getting mixed signals and can't even figure out whether he has me completely figured out or whether he's just absolutely oblivious' kind of thing. I'm leaning a little more towards the 'he's oblivious BECAUSE he'd never consider me in such a manner' side of things.. it's really frustrating, but there's nothing I can do at this point but play the waiting game and see how things unfold.

drumroll

2006-04-16T21:42:00.000-04:00

Now this is exciting, I am about to unveil to you two of my summer projects..

#1- All good clarinet players seem to able to play sax too, and so, I plan on becoming one of them! That, and I figure I'd best stick to my own instrument family before venturing to brass, double reeds or strings (which will be next summer.) Now me and this sax, Betsy, are meant to be. There was only one alto left at Harknett, and like 2 seconds after I picked it up someone else came in asking for an alto.. but she's mine! Ta Da! Ain't she a beaut?

#2- Ever since I was a wee lass I've wanted to learn how to play panflute. Anyone seen the movie "The Land Of Faraway"? That movie inspired me. And later in life listening to Zamfir or the orgasmic panflute solo in "The Circle of Life".. such a beautiful sound.. well here is a picture of it, it has been purchased and is in the mail on its way to me as we speak!

THESE MAKE ME SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Anyways, I've had a really sweet weekend, I decided I would do NO work this weekend. I've spent my time practicing, sleeping, curling up in bed with Charles Dickens *rrawwrr* I've stayed out really late with friends all 3 nights and done random things.. pictures of Herpes the Toad to come when Jammy sends them to me. There are plenty of hilarious things that could be mentioned but I won't go into grueling detail. Last night we saw "She's the man" and it was actually really funny.. who'd a thunk Amanda Bynes actually LOOKS like a 13 year old boy!

Have to leave you with a quote from Kate from when we were watching Scary Movie 3 because it was just too funny.. speaking about Pamela Anderson's ridiculously large breasts: "I just want to suck the silicon right out of those!!" HAHA :P

What A Rare Mood I'm In, Why..

2006-04-10T20:41:00.000-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen, today I handed in the final essay of the semester. Kick ass. Five essays in three weeks. I made it out alive, it wasn't so bad! Funny how easy that it so say in retrospect. Just one more big test and then a much needed break.

This afternoon was my very last Digital Culture class. You know the bullshit seminar I always post ridiculous quotes from? Yeah. Holy crap, so hilariously random. So this really quiet Asian guy in the class brings a cd player, whips out a microphone and starts singing salsa music for us? Apparently he sings latin music competitively! He's pretty good too but like.. you would never expect that voice to come out of that person. Isn't that the most random thing you've ever heard? It gets better, the professor then bought us all drinks and took us to Cat's Eye to chill. Haha how freaking awesome is that? He's the principle of Vic. so he can do what ever he wants I guess, but he just like sat there talking with us, what a cool guy! He offered to write what ever reference letters we may need in the future!

I just had my last english class, it ended TWO HOURS early.. fuckin eh.. first time I have EVER left that class while the sun was still up. So, for the hour I was there I had a bit of a profound experience. There's this painting on the wall of the lecture hall of this old guy, and let's face it, one's attention is bound to wander during a 3 hour lecture, so I've often looked at this painting. Maybe because of a difference in lighting (or a difference in who knows what) since there was still light coming through the windows when normally it's dark.. I noticed that there's a house behind him in the background in one corner.. and he has a newspaper in his lap.. and holy fuck, honest to god, in all my time spent looking at this painting I had NO IDEA that those things were there. Weird eh? It got me thinking a little because that's so true to life, and people. We can look at someone, day after day, and always see the same thing.. and then one day, we look at them and all of a sudden we see something different, we see a whole knew depth. It was there all along, right in front of us, we just never were able to see it...

Maybe it's the weather, but, know what?: There's a smile on my face for the whole human race, why, it's almost like being in love!

+random=
*Jenn and Kei sitting by window looking at house plants*
Kei: The leaves taste pretty good.
Jenn: You've EATEN the leaves?!
Kei: Yeah... wait, you have too! I put them in the dumplings, I FED YOU MY HOUSE PLANT! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
*hysterical laughter ensues*

**EDIT** PLUG: Ok so a guy from the class that I mentioned at the beginning of the post, he has this band, they've mostly just got some rough material that they're still working on, but some of their original melodies are really quite good, go check em out: http://www.purevolume.com/infinite_

Parker's Back

2006-04-08T17:32:00.000-04:00

Here I am again, bitten by that nasty little procrastination bug that now wants me oh so badly to not have this english essay written on time. Don't worry, I'll show it, I'll write this post AND get the essay done on time.

Let's start off with a story about how very easily I could have died last night. Last night was Julia's birthday party, she wanted to go to a french restaurant, oo la la, fine, I promise myself to the event and she makes the reservations. The night before (Thursday night) I come online and she happens to be there and happens to tell me to go look at the menu online and decide what I want ahead of time so that she can call ahead and tell them. So I do.. and lo and behold there's some english writing at the end.. and it tells me about how 'les frites' and everything is fried in peanut oil! This is where you should be saying 'HOLY SHIT' because, my friends, if Julia had not by chance been online and had not by chance told me to look at that menu, then I would certainly have gone to the restaurant last night and I would have eaten without a second thought. And folks, I would have been dead before you could say "OH SHIT."
It's actually a really scary thing for me to think about, how these little seemingly unimportant coincidental events (such as my happening to have been online when Julia was online on that particular night) have such an incredibly enormous impact on the outcome of ones future.
What kind of fuckers cook with peanut oil in this country?! God I hate this.
It teaches me to be extra-cautious from now on though, no more false sense of security for me!

Anywho, I was planning on going to the after party when they got back from the restaurant, but guess what? I think I actually made myself physically ill with my stressing! I have more to get done than I can handle really, and for most of yesterday/ last night I had this feeling in my stomach.. and was all weak/shakey like when you haven't eaten in a really really long time. It was NOT cool.. I don't think I could have made it to Julia's :(

It got a little better when I forced myself to relax, and I did so by putting my work aside, curling up in bed, and watching The Neverending Story! What an amazing movie, if it wasn't a part of your childhood then you are sorely deprived. My mom would always have to leave the room and cry when the horse died and I have a vivid memory of getting VERY upset after there were only a few fragments left of Fantasia because it terrified me that the whole world was gone and everyone died. (My brother in turn spent years in terror thinking that the "Gmork" was going to come out of his closet, it impacted us all in turn hahah). It got me to thinking about the whole point of the movie in general, which was children losing interest in the world of fantasy/reading which personally I think is bullshit and could never happen, but anyways it got me thinking about MY childhood fantasizing. More specifically, about that part of ourselves that we lose when we grow up (very Peter Pan-esque eh?) I used to play such vivid imaginary games.. I'd always pretend to be Atreyu, and I WAS him, or which ever other character from where ever that I fancied (often Gabrielle from Xena.. for some reason I always identified with the side-kick and not the main Hero). I'd become so emerged in my fantasy that it felt just as good as if I actually WAS the fantasy character. When I'd play with my Barbies (and Barbie horses of course) I LIVED those stories that I created for them and became so enraptured in the stories that hours would pass and I wouldn't notice.

When I think about myself now, I don't think this is something I could really achieve again. At least not in the same way. When I think about it I really start to miss that creative child. I still read a lot and I still lose myself completely in the books, but I've lost that creative spirit and I don't feel as though it's something I could ever get back. I think it's something we all lose maybe, a loss of innocence. The more we grow up, the closer we're forced to the reality of our life and the world around, the less able we are to live in our fantasies. It's like, we stop making up adventures for our dolls when we start experiencing our own adventures and making our life into its own story.
For the best, maybe, but maybe one day I'll pull out my barbies and see if I can bring back that old spark.

I'm writing my english essay on a short story, so I'm fooling around on the internet looking for some context on the author and themes to help me get a better grasp on it. I came across a quote by the author (Flannery O'Connor) that caught my interest:

"Fiction is about everything human and we are made out of dust, and if you scorn getting yourself dusty, then you shouldn't try to write fiction."

It stuck out to me because I do some writing, and the type of writing I do rings very true to this statement. If you don't want the dirty truth of raw human experience, go paint a rainbow or something.

*edit* I have to add something else I just found through my researching: about how we "legitimize literature study by making it as difficult as possible to understand." HAHA OMG IT'S SO TRUE!!

I'm Standing Here Until You Make Me Move

2006-04-06T20:46:00.000-04:00

Alright, so I somehow managed to write a fully researched/footnoted essay AND do my residence reapplication (essay questions and that sort of nonsense) within less than 24 hours! I am awesome. Let me tell ya, essay questions are a lot less stressful when you stop caring about whether you actually get re-admitted.. that's right, I think I've decided that I want to live with Laura regardless of if Innis wants me back or not. How cool will it be to have an apartment to myself when she's in class? Maybe we'll have a balcony.. and cover it was Christmas lights at Christmas and have like.. a Christmas tree and.. *getting a little excited* Now I've just gotta run it past my parents and make sure they're not going to randomly make a fuss (as parents sometimes do).

Anyways, if I live past next Wednesday, someone should pat me on the head and give me cookies. My 5th and final essay is due on Monday. English. I don't like any of the topics. *sigh* And.. I have over a month and a half of archaeology readings to catch up on before the test on Wednesday.. is it humanly possible? I guess we'll find out. Chances are that by then I'll be 10 pounds heavier than I was a week or two ago.. I've thrown health to the wind in favour of keeping my sanity intact. Nothing glues sanity together like an endless supply of fast food/ junk food! Of course, we will have to face the mental breakdown that comes when I afterwards try and lose the weight again.. ooohhh well whatcha gonna do.

I think I've caught a bit of this spring fever (that is, despite the random little relapse back into snow fall.. what the HELL was that?!). I catch myself walking around smiling.. how unlike me! I'm sure soon enough my bubble will be burst.. but hell, it's kind of nice to walk around in a bubble for a little while.

I realize I haven't said anything particularly interesting or worth reading, but I suppose nothing of interest has really happened, what with all the work that must be done.

A Little Torn

2006-04-04T01:21:00.000-04:00

What's this, does no one read this anymore all of a sudden?! Don't make me ditch blogger completely for LJ!!! I'll do it, I'll go over to the soul-sucking dark side!!! Don't tempt me!!!

Okay ladies and gentlemen, this is Jenn procrastinating.
It's like 1 am, I have an archaeology research essay that I've barely started researching due in less than 48 hours.. and I still can't motivate myself to get seriously rolling on it like I need to. I know that I can get this done in the time I have left, that is, if I can motivate myself to get it done in the time I have left.

Aujourd'hui, Strahan was in town so he came by for a visit. He showed off his new toys (camera equipment stuff) and we went to that chinese restaurant on Bloor, the one by Pizza Hut. I've discovered a love for steamed rice (that's all I got because after my walnut incident I'm a little paranoid and Asian food in particular is out to get me). Haha, I usually drown my 'minute rice' in salt.. but I liked this stuff so much that I didn't even feel the need to put any salt on it.. frig, I'm weird. We watched one of my favourite hilarious movies of all time, "Love and Death". I'll never get sick of that movie, so witty! All of you should watch it. Right NOW. Watched the tail end of Disney's The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow (I <3 Disney), watched some random computer cartoons, watched some porn.. (don't look at me like that, it's good for a laugh!! Only thing is.. when the computer was abandoned for Buffy The Vampire Slayer, I didn't close it.. so later when a girl from down the hall came knocking about some charity thing.. I didn't realize that her line of vision went directly past the both of us to the blatantly pornographic full-screen shot on the computer screen hahaha how embarrassing, what must she have thought!!) Anywho, lots of laughs, certainly a better time than I would have had in class.. it's ok, I haven't lost my integrity, today's classes were the "lets watch a movie" type that I didn't have a problem with missing.

Alright, so when we first played Year of the Dragon- Movement 2, I thought it was nice but it didn't particularly stick with me or speak to me. And for some reason, over the past 2 weeks it has attached itself to me like a leech.. except.. in a non-blood sucking kind of way. I've been listening to it.. and then listening to it again.. and then letting RealPlayer loop it so that it just plays over and over again behind what ever else I'm doing. Gawd, it's just so effing beautiful! Though Chelsea, I wish you would play that oboe solo forever, hearing the oboe playing it is like drinking lemonade.. it's sweet but it stings a bit.. hearing it on the sax is more like drinking hot chocolate.. it's still sweet but it's all warm and smooth running down your throat.

Guys, I'm really starting to get excited for New York/Carnegie Hall!!!! And for the May 5th concert too actually. *weeee!*

The Birds And The Bees

2006-04-02T17:08:00.000-04:00

Spring is here, the air is getting warmer, the grass greener, the flowers budding, the urge to reproduce increasing...
There's something in the air that seems to make all the young couples surface and go all lovey dovey.. I can't throw a rock without hitting a relationship! Everywhere I look I find a pair of lovers out in the sunshine making eyes at each other. I'm trying not to be negative about it, maybe it's the nice weather, but I've got a couple of silly crushes so I'm trying to maintain an attitude of hope and not one of dispair. Which is why I'm now going to force myself not to gripe about the situation. We'll see how long it lasts!

Some take it a little too far maybe, like on Friday the couple that sat in our quad passionately making out for.. I don't know when they started, but it went for over an hour at least. We all lined up at the window to watch and laugh at them, as did some people in rooms across the quad, quite the show.. he definately had his hand right up her skirt and it was definately vigorously moving. A bit much guys.. I mean if exhibitionism floats your boat.. GO DO IT IN SOMEONE ELSE'S QUAD!! Hah.. I don't actually think they go to this residence.

After our SCP rehearsal on Friday, I fought with the photocopiers at Robarts (I swear to god, they exist only to make my existance more difficult) and then I got a phone call from a guy from the HHSB that I've met and talked to all of ONCE.. he wanted me to go play pool.. and despite my reclusive impulse, I went. It was actually kind of fun, we went to Cat's Eye, I beat him 3 games to 1 in pool and he made me look like a fool on that arcade dance thingy. I can see him being the type of person I'd hang out with maybe. (Not more than friends by any stretch of the imagination though.)

Saturday was Anton and I's last dancing lesson of the semester *tear* I'm gonna miss it for sure.. Saturday is just going to feel so empty without any jiving, waltzing, or cha-cha'ing! If he comes back next year we are SO taking Ballroom Level 2.. if not, I'll have to find me a new partner :(

Afterwards I went home for my mom's 50th birthday party! Lots of old-ish people that I didn't know.. but it was really nice to see some people, like my aunt and uncle, I wish they were my parents, I love them so much, my aunt and I both have the most retarded sense of humour, so we just laugh and laugh and laugh! An Austin Powers impersonator was hired! How hilarious is that? Though I'll never rid my mind of the image of my 85 year old Oma bouncing on "Austin Powers"'s knee saying "giddy-up horsie, giddy-up horsie" hahahaha *cough* Then again, not gonna lie, I got far too drunk for what is family-party appropriate. Because of it, I had a really hilarious good time, I just hope I didn't make an ass of myself! Not in front of any adults anyway. Do you know what's amazing? I was too drunk to go and blaze with Chris so he gave me the weed for later! What a sweet deal! This may indeed make the next couple of weeks easier. I've had a lot of trouble sleeping the past few nights, shouldn't be a problem anymore.

After people left, I wanted to try a brownie, because they looked so good. They had walnuts in them. I checked the charts, nope not allergic to walnuts. Nonetheless I cautiously broke little bits off with my fingers so that I wouldn't eat anything that had touched a walnut. And you know what? My mouth got really terrifyingly itchy. It very much freaked me out. But it just itched and I didn't stop breathing or go into anaphylactic shock or anything serious (thank god). A few glasses of milk and a dose of Benadryl later, I was ok. So apparently I AM allergic to walnuts.. fuck.

Today at TYWO I was talking with Laura (bass clarinet) and.. we realized that we're both looking for someone to rent an apartment with and in the exact same area.. OMFG! Do you have ANY idea how much easier this makes life? I really quite like Laura, I mean, who else would alternately bob up and down while playing a note on the clarinet with me! So, now I'm kind of hoping that I don't get re-admitted to residence, because if I do.. it's going to be a hard choice to make.

"Hubert's Revenge"- Coming Soon To A Theatre Near You!

2006-03-31T00:07:00.001-05:00

Today, Sarah made an incursion into the realm of cooking. To make a short story even shorter, she threw a piece of spaghetti at the ceiling and it stuck. It is still there as we speak. I have named it Hubert. Of course, naming a piece of spaghetti is not enough, one must give it context. Being on an intense sugar high (from double chocolate muffins from the muffin themed suite party down the hall) I relayed these thoughts to Jesse, and a plan for an Oscar worthy motion picture resulted. I wouldn't want to spoil it for you, but here's an outline:

The spaghetti, Hubert, sticks innocently to the ceiling.. only waiting for unsuspecting passers-by to walk underneath..
Jenn, fearing this devious strand of spaghetti, begins communicating with it secretly in the dark of night, performing ritual sacrifices that force Hubert to do her bidding..
*Jaws music as a strand of spaghetti inches towards an unsuspecting victim*
*News headline the next day: Girl Found Dead, Strangulation by Spaghetti*
But who is REALLY in control here?
Eventually Jenn and Hubert will have a final showdown.. Hubert will call out his reinforcements from the cupboards and sauce will be flung recklessly!!
Who will prevail??
Either way.. I smell a sequel..

Yes, I do realize what I just wrote a post about. :)

Seriously now folks, why is television so addictive? I'm terribly addicted to Gilmore Girls and Lost, getting a new episode is a major feature of my week. I want so desperately to know what's going to happen next and I get so involved in the character drama.. my question is.. why are we so fascinated by a weekly hour of insight into the lives of completely fictional characters? It sounds so ridiculous when you put it like that.. why do I care so much what happens to these fake people and what is this powerful force that pulls me to these shows?

If Lost never gets resolved or tied up eventually, my head is going to explode. That shit is like heroin to me, every fix just leaves me thirsting for MORE.. MOREE!!!!

Wow.. this post has me looking like a bit of a lunatic! Enh.. ca c'est moi!

*edit* Alright, this makes me a huge tool, but I'm gonna start copying my posts on to my LJ account for you lazy bastards *coughJesse*

Just For The Sake Of A Post

2006-03-26T04:35:00.000-05:00

I've decided that from now on the SCP should play nothing but the star wars cantina song, so friggin fun! "We'll play it.. we'll play it again, and when they ask for an encore.. WE'LL PLAY IT AGAIN!!" lol everytime I think about Jesse's "big one" or Jesse's "little one", I giggle.. I'm a nerd. I blame Helen.

Anton and I did some crazy jiving today.. seriously guys, the jive is so much fun, it's fast and the girl gets to spin every few steps.. I love how I walk into dance class grumpy as hell and am smiling like a lunatic within 5 minutes.

Tonight was the Hart House Symphonic Band's last concert of the year. And Keith's last concert ever (that being the conductor, who actually apparently is gay and once played sax in TYWO, two things I had not known). We.. ok, it sucked. It was a little embarrassing. The poor audience. But, despite the idiot bass sax squeaking and the idiot saxes in general, it felt good to play. Do any of you crazy music nuts know what the term for this is?: when I played an F# by Laura's half full water bottle, you could feel the bottle vibrating, but when I played a G or an F or anything else, it did not vibrate. Something to do with sympathetic vibrations or overtones or, I don't know, but it was really cool.

Ok, Anthony and I seriously just spent like an hour and a half arguing over the definition of the word "random".. kind of awesome.

Here's a picture of Kei and myself after that makeover business.. though it's kind of hard to tell here, and I definately look like an alien!

Squawk

2006-03-22T16:40:00.000-05:00

I'm having an awful time getting myself motivated. Though I seem to work best under pressure, so I'm just going to trust that my unconscious knows exactly how long it will take me to get everything done and that I'll become motivated at the appropriate time.

I should give some credit to the mysterious workings of the universe I think, good things seem to happen so randomly and come out of the least expected places. So I should stop looking and just let it come to me? But that's a bad way to go about things isn't it, so I shouldn't stop looking I should just at the same time expect something to be unexpected! Shut up, it makes perfect sense.

On Friday the SCP is (thanks to Helen) taking a crack at the Cantina Band song from Star Wars, this is exciting! <3

More importantly, on Sept. 11, the twin towers weren't killed, they committed suicide. Hello next essay, this one's gonna be complicated.

Laissez-Faire Ou Allez-y?

2006-03-20T02:20:00.000-05:00

It's been two months.
The worst part is not really knowing why.
I feel like Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas, always falling apart at the seams and trying to stitch myself back together, just doing my best to stay intact.

In other news, tonight I'm going to visit with someone whose voice I hadn't heard for about 10 months until last Saturday. I haven't really spoken with many about this because a few of you would smack me in the face for doing it. Maybe you'd be right, but for now trust me that this is something I'm confident that I can handle, and that it's something I feel I need to do, if only to prove to myself that I've truely separated myself from this part of my past.

A different and much needed visit is expected to take place likely Thursday night, with one I have not seen since before x-mas and am more than anxious to be reunited with.

I think I actually enjoyed writing my history essay. If anybody ever gets a hankering to know how epidemic disease in the 17th century affected the Huron perception of the Jesuits/Christianity, gimme a shout! :P - 1 down, 4 to go.

At any rate, I think David Bowie quite cleverly put it best in the theme of the movie Labyrinth:
No one can blame you, for walking away
Don't tell me truth hurts, cuz it hurts like hell.

The Luck Of The Irish

2006-03-17T23:58:00.000-05:00

I'm almost considering posting on LiveJournal just so that more people will comment.. it's easy for people with LJ's to comment on other peoples' LJ's but the LJ people must be too lazy to comment on a blog... discrimination I tell ya..

Sacha and I stopped by the 'innis pub night' for a short while but.. it was uncomfortable. Why will no one dance with me? I've developed a complex from this no one wanting to dance with me thing, ever since dances started in like grade 6. I HATE dancing by myself.. I DO it, but it's SO much easier and more pleasant when someone else's hands are on me.

I got my hair cut/layered this morning. I love Regus. They love me. They gave me apple slices and a complimentary makeover and then all stood around me and adored me. It was sweet haha I think I look better tonight than I ever will again, everyone who's seen me has had something nice to say (a very rare thing) but unfortunately, hardly anybody is around to see me tonight and I have no idea what they did to me or with what products so I'll never be able to replicate it. I got Kei to take a picture, but it was dark, so you might not be able to tell, maybe I'll post it later.

I've decided that when I move home for the summer I'm going to move my bedroom into the sewing room. I've decided that the atmosphere is unhealthy in my old room.. when I look around in it, it speaks to me of 18 years worth of tears and pain. A change of scenery will help me when I have to face Markham again.

Oh and remember my 6 weeks/45 single spaced pages/hours of slaving over archaeology notes? What's that, first year in an upper year course? What's that, one of the only people there without a background in NMC studies? Whats that FUCKING 95% ON THE MIDTERM? SUCK THAT SON OF A BITCH.

I have an essay due next week, two the week after, and another two the week after. The intense anxiety is bubbling just beneath my skin.

P.S. Here's a picture of me and Gita, my hair looks a LOT darker in this picture than it actually is, and I'm kinda thinking I like it and should maybe dye it darker like this.. tell me what you think.

Love Me Tomorrow

2006-03-14T00:53:00.000-05:00

On Sunday I joined the lovely AJ and her friends in seeing the U of T opera division perform The Marriage of Figaro. It was a little long, but quite an enjoyable first opera experience. Though, a little intimidating since AJ and her friends, all being IN opera, could intelligently critique it and I.. couldn't. No harm, twas mmmmaarvelous to see her!

Everyone cross your fingers that I'll get a call from Black Creek.
Also cross your fingers that the summer timetable is to my preferences.
Also cross your fingers that... umm.. stuff works out well in the next few weeks? Sure.

I feel like.. hhmmpphh. Despite good things that have been happening.. I still feel.. sssiiiggh. Missing. As Snow would say.. WWHAAAOOOAAOOOoooo

Night Life

2006-03-10T02:53:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday night, about 3 am.. I went out for a walk and.. the whole city's population of young adults is staggering around drunk throwing up on the streets. Is Thursday night the night for everyone to get drunk and walk around? I was out last night with Anton at about the same time and there was hardly anyone.. I've been out many times before around the same time and it's never been like this. You wouldn't believe.. couldn't throw a stone without hitting a drunk.. I was accosted on my way into the building with a request for me to steal and sell some of my brother's ADD medication! HAHA.

You know why I don't absolutely love it? Cuz I'm not part of it! Believe it or not, what I've just witnessed has put me a little more in favour of finding a way to rent an apartment next year and not come back to residence.. meet some new people. Why? Because I wanna be the one making a drunken ass of myself on the street at least once in a while!

Classic.

2006-03-09T19:52:00.000-05:00

Everybody's heard of Handel's Messiah, right? Well, the prof played us many clips of it in music this morning. One part revolves around the line: "All we, like sheep have gone astray". Nice. Ok. Except, at some points they just repeat:
All we like sheep
ALL WE LIKE SHEEP

Apparently I was the only person in the lecture hall who found that hysterically funny!
Poor Handel must have turned over in his grave.
You see how I'm not a morning person? :)
"Well it's not like you can really mix it up much when your libretto is the BIBLE."
They really liked sheep. Hah. *sigh*

The SCP is now a quartet! Yay Jesse and his "big one"!

Mild Housing Anxiety.

2006-03-09T00:05:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure where I'm going to live next year or with whom. Only Sacha and myself are re-applying to residence.. and the chances aren't fantastic of me getting back in. Sacha however is on a council and running for another for next year (student governement is totally not my scene) so I'm thinking she'll get back in and I won't.. and then what do I do? Move into an apartment.. ok.. but with who? The majority of friends I've made are from band (this building is incredibly anti-social and/or cliquey and good luck making friends in the huge classes here) so.. I'm at a bit of a loss about what to do. Even if I do get re-admitted into residence, do I really want to spend another year here? I'm seriously questioning that.. I love my roomies, but the rest of the building.. not the friendliest atmosphere.

Guys or gals, it doesn't really matter to me which, if you're planning on renting somewhere near campus and would consider living with me a possibility.. please do let me know! (though be aware that if you're the type of person who I couldn't stand living with, I'll tell you so.)

It's kind of pointless to post this because very few people in applicable situations read this but, you never know!

Now, have some random pictures just for fun (because I FINALLY got Jamie to send them to me.)
This is from our awesome midnight scavenger hunt last summer.. "a picture with a cop" the item that only Team Jamie and Jenn were able to accomplish woo!

And a group picture from Christmas
L-R: Colin, Kate, Jamie, Mark, Me (AJ being horizontal below us)

CARNIVAAALLL!!

2006-03-04T03:45:00.000-05:00

Left to right: Sacha, Kei, Me, Tatjana, Sarah, Joseph (Sacha's hot Trinidadian friend)

So last night we had a carnival suite party, it was Sacha's project (as she is from Trinidad) and she made lots of awesome food with names I can't pronounce or spell, and put on carnival music and we all got dressed up.

Sarah, Ian, and myself- Ian wearing the authentic carnival hat!

Click on the following:

Welcome to Carnival 2006!

Kei and Kazuki- it was NOT easy to get Kazuki dressed up like this!

Sacha dancing- it's not dirt, it's glitter

Sarah points the way with her penis.. er, banana

This is Ron, our local German

Ian made himself a carnival bra hehe

Kei and Tatjana are so purty!

A rather candid photo of Matt, Me, Ian

Kazuki, Girl I don't know, Leela, Calvin, Tanya

Me, Tanya, Kazuki (with the infamous hat), Sacha (feeling up Kazuki)

Kazuki mid-limbo.. looks kinda freaky

We like to embarrass Kazuki, like by pretending to rape him with bananas

We allll get into the bananas

Tanya and the infamous hat

Joseph and the infamous hat

Kei, Tatjana, Ron

Kei feeling up Kazuki

Now, this is exciting, I have for you some video clips!
To appreciate this clip, you must appreciate the fact that we take great pleasure in embarrassing Kazuki.. Kazuki won't even HUG Kei in public:
Click here to watch 'Carnival-Dancing'

This is a very short clip in which Tanya almost turns an amazing limbo feat into an injury
Click here to watch 'Carnival-Limbo'

Nothing in particular happens in this clip
Click here to watch 'Carnival-Banana'

Anywho it was good times. A wine bottle fell off the shelf and broke and I didn't notice until like an hour later that a piece of glass that flew at me sliced my foot! But then the family (roomies + boyfriends) made brownies :D

I'm cranky and I feel like I'm getting sick.
And I've had enough of being me, can't I be someone else?

How Much Longer Can I Stand This?

2006-03-03T15:33:00.001-05:00

I was feeling really good about my arch and music midterms, I studied my ass off, I knew most of the answers. But you know what the problem is with having archaeology midterms right before music midterms? It suddenly occured to me that although I know I had all the dates for the musical era's right, I put BC after them all! BC!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME! Too much archaeology, where everything is BC. I can't believe what an idiotic mistake that is. Why would I even put letters? Way to blow it you asshole.
*bangs head repeatedly against wall*

So, were cavemen like covered in pimples? You'd think they must have been, but when I picture cavemen I don't picture pimples. Same goes for everyone in the middle ages.

Dear Mr. Imaginary

2006-02-28T02:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Imaginary,

You're not going to be an easy catch, I'll think you're too good for me.
You'll probably be someone I've observed for some time.
You'll be the one to make the moves, and I'll respect you for it.
Not everyone finds you attractive, but there are small features you have, your smile perhaps, that attract me to you, and the better I come to know you, the more attractive I'll find you.
You have a very.. unique personality.
You've got smarts and direction in life.
You're substantially taller than me.
You'll recognize in me what few others do, you'll see me as something special, beautiful, unique (and you'll make me feel as such), you'll be able to see how much I have to offer you.
The sparks and chemistry are unmistakable.
We have a common mind for many things, we have the same sense of humour, but in most ways we're different, supplementing what the other lacks.
You can read me like a book.
You're indulgent of my whims, oddities, and eccentricities, you think they're cute.
You'll understand my past, how it affects my future, and how you should respond to it.
You'll make me forget anyone who's ever hurt me.
When we lock eyes in a crowded room, it's like we're the only ones there.
You understand my need for attention, affection, validation.
You'll love listening to my pointless rambles, you know when I need to talk and you'll listen, but conversation is never one-sided.
You'll always have a question to ask me, you're always interested in my opinion, you want to know everything about me.
We have intelligent conversations, but also random nonsense conversations.
I'll love you for the little things you do, the little ways that show you care, they mean the most to me.
You're a bit over-protective.
You'll dance with me.
You're a people person.
You're a gentleman, you always open doors for me.
You're affectionate in public, you dont make me feel like you're ashamed of me, you make me feel like you want people to know that I'm yours.
You take care of me, but you need me to take care of you too.
You forgive me when I screw up and I can never stay mad at you.
You respect my opinion, even if you don't agree with it.
Sometimes we argue just for fun.
You're good at making plans, taking initiative, thinking of random crazy things to do, but you're also content to cuddle in front of the television.
You can tell when I need some space, and you give it to me.
When you put your arms around me, I feel like nothing in the world could hurt me.
You easily over-power me physically.
You could physically protect me, if need be.
You would never lie to me or deceive me, but you're gentle with the truth.
I put you above me and before me, and likewise you put my well-being before your own.
I get along really well with your family.
You're a quick learner and you're open to experimentation.
Sometimes we fight, but it never lasts and that extra bit of fire (the make-up sex) is worth it.
We'll have problems, we'll over-come them, and our relationship will be stronger for it.
I can read your eyes.
You're as playful as I am.
You give real hugs, not half-assed ones.
You always kiss me goodbye, and sometimes hello.
We'll wake up in each others arms feeling like there's nothing more in the world we could ask for.

Dear Mr. Imaginary.. will you please stop being imaginary soon? I know you're out there.
I need someone to love.

Yours truly,
Jenn

2006-02-27T23:59:00.000-05:00

I have officially caught up with Lost.
Now I'll have to wait a whole week at a time, with everyone else, to feed this merciless addiction.
If your natural sense of curiousity drives you mad with need to know the answers, like mine, don't start watching this television series.

Home is Behind.. The World Ahead

Umm.. Yeah

Haa

HAHAHA.. I have such bad luck.. ELEVATOR FIASCO!

Up, Down, Touch The Ground

P.S.

Roberta

Yess I'm still aalliivee

New Years

Pink!

Oh Ma Gawd!

The Stars Are Brightly Shining, It Is The Night..

Boldly Go Where No One Has Gone Before!

WE DON NEED NO WATA!!

WICKED!!!

awwww

Busy Couple Days

Warning: If You Are Health Conscious Or Don't Eat Pigs This Will Disgust You

WHAT THE FUCK???

Goodbye Leaves

ARRRGGHH

Time To Re-Evaluate

Well Then, Down To Business

Do They Speak Middle English In Middle Earth?

Mucho Pica-tures!!

A Series Of FORTUNATE Events!

What Do I Want

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JENN A DULL BOY

Flicka

Montreal!!

Whether I Can Weather The Weather

Retrace

YESYESYES!!!

WEEEEE!!!

Purple, Sort Of.

My Schedule, By The Way

Light Up A Mean Blaze With Posters And Screenplays

Almost Settled

Argh.

A Classic

tickticktick

Oh Me Oh My

Arms Of The Angel

Weekend

rant

Squawk

Too Much.

The Darndest Things

I Swear It's Not As Long As It Looks!

Cough

Not Trusting Blogger

Yay.

RandyMcRandom

HAHAHA

Stop And Smell The Roses

Face Value

Crazy Adventures

While I Pondered, Weak And Weary

Nerds4Life

Of What Dreams May Come

"Change" Therapy

Do -you- see it?

My Web Skillz.. WHAT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!!

TYWO in NYC!!!

VICTORY IS MINE!!

Alkaline Trio Etc

YYYEEEAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Intuition

Hollow

Surreal

Hello Summer

Two Exams And Six Days To Go

Life Is Only What You Make Of It

Everyone Loves Herpes

April Showers

Time is what it is, Come what may

*drumroll*

What A Rare Mood I'm In, Why..

Parker's Back

I'm Standing Here Until You Make Me Move

drumroll