YESYESYES!!!

HOLY FUCK!!!!
HHHOLLLLLYYY FFFUCCCCK!
I was just notified that Innis College/ U of T is giving me SCHOLARSHIPS!!!
TWO OF THEM!!!!
$500 each
Plus $1000 from an independant scholarship

=$2000 in scholarships!!!! I CAN EAT THIS YEAR AFTER ALL!!!!! WWWWWWWOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I'm SO excited, I thought I'd NEVER see any money from U of T.
I rock your socks and you know it. :D

Sooo I'm a Unicef employee again officially.. they made my life a WHOLE lot less stressful by remembering how much they loved me last year and not making me go through an interview or give references this year. The same will go for camp when summer comes, yes? God I love being handed a job. I heart Unicef, the only kind of retail that doesn't make me want to hang myself. Fingers crossed that they give me reasonable hours (by reasonable I mean not too many since I already don't have time to do the reading my english courses want me to.. then again I really need money to pay off my car debts.. sigh)

SEASON PREMIERE OF GILMORE GIRLS TOMORROW!!!
AND LOST NEXT WEDNESDAY!!
Now to find a place that sells blank VHS tapes around here.. anyone know?

I bought an NES game from eBay.. they charged me for one.. but in the mail I got 2.. like.. 2 separate but identical envelopes with the same game in it.. wweeeirrddd... communication lapse at the store? lol works for me!

WEEEEE!!!

I'M IN THE SECOND ROW!!!!
I'M ON THE -END- OF THE SECOND ROW!!
THAT'S THE NEXT BEST THING TO BEING A 1ST!!!!
OMGSOEXCITED!!!
Dare I say that all my hard work paid off??? (Granted there's much less competition without Alix/Mark :P)
This makes me soooo happy lol I'm so glad I've moved up from last year (nothing makes me happy like self improvement lol)
Though it shall be sad not to be Ian's stand partner :(
Alix, next time you talk to me, ask me who I'm sitting beside.

The 1sts are Helen, Steffi, Gideon (for some reason it comforts me that they're all people from last year)
Steffi and Gideon weren't here today.. so Colin told me to sit in on 1st!! WEEE SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW WITH HELEN IS SO EXCITING!!! (Though very, very difficult. Especially with sight reading.)
*deep breaths* OK.. I'm done talking about it.. wait once more...
SSQQUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

I guess I should be happy or proud or something that I got into the HHSB (Roger's apparently being all serious about it like Keith never was) but.. I'm kinda not. I was REALLY looking forward to playing with Jesse and Carolyn.. I'M GONNA STALK ROGER AND BREAK INTO HIS HOUSE AT NIGHT WITH A MASK ON AND THREATEN TO BURN THE PLACE DOWN IF HE DOESN'T LET YOU GUYS INTO THE BAND. Or seduce him. Which ever works :) Sigh.

Purple, Sort Of.

I got back into TYWO yay!! What a relief.

Yesterday was the HHSB open rehearsal/audition.. Jesse, Carolyn, and I represent-en on Bb! We had to sight read 3 pieces.. the first was REALLY easy.. the second we all got lost in.. the third.. was... HOLST'S SECOND SUITE IN F!!!! Holy crap!!! That piece has been intertwined with my SOUL ever since doing it with MDHS in grade 10. It made me SOOO excited lol how amazing is that that I already KNOW the hardest sight reading piece.. muahah. Myself and some random trumpet player took it upon ourselves to go ahead and play the euphonium solo when we got to that part since no euphoniums were there hehehehe. By the end of that rehearsal/audition I was so hyped up and excited to be playing my instrument! Very rarely am I comfortable enough to be transformed into that super-out-going mode but when it happens.. it feels GGREAT! I'm not too sure how Roger is going to run things versus how Keith ran things.. but the placements aren't up yet. Hart House shall suffer at the hands of some sort of fiery heathenistic pagan ritual if Jesse and I don't like the placements.. WHAT? I didn't say anything of the sort..

Afterwards Carolyn came home with me (sidenote: walking through a flock of pigeons in Queen's Park and waving your arms while spontaneously yelling... PIGEONS!!! hahahaha I love you Carolyn, that was frightening) and we ordered pizza (uh.. meatzza.. .. what do I want on it? Um.. it's a specialty the meatzza? MEATZZA, IT'S ON YOUR MENU DAMMIT!) and were joined by James, and we all watched House and had a jolly old time!

I think my poor little Patty either has a cold or has allergies.. she's been sniffling and sneezing and behaving strangely.. like.. sleeping by herself out in the open instead of in her little house with Marcie like normal.. she nearly broke my heart last night, curled up in my old sock looking all sick.. she just looked so sad!!



But then 5 minutes later she was tearing around the cage playing with Marcie again, so I guess she can't be THAT sick. Phew.

My Schedule, By The Way

Monday:
Fiction 1832-1900- 6-9

Tuesday:
South Asian Music- 9-11
Canadian History (Tutorial)- 12-1
Canadian HIstory- 1-2
Astronomy- 2-3

Wednesday:
Major British Writers- 5-8

Thursday:
Canadian History- 1-2
Astronomy- 2-3

(Friday's off)

Light Up A Mean Blaze With Posters And Screenplays

Sometimes I feel stretched so thin. Nothing provokes it really, there's no drama or tragedy going on right now.. but sometimes the past just seems to weigh so heavy on my present. Why do I say things like these on a journal? I hadn't thought about that, but upon reflection I think it's because there's no one close enough to me to whom I would feel comfortable explaining things like that to. It needs to come out but the person I feel the most comfortable telling it to is my inanimate computer screen with the comfort of the written word. It's a little confusing, some strange psychology indeed since those who I couldn't talk to so personally instead read the same material (though explained to a lesser extent)? Puzzling. I hope I don't sound emo. Ew.

I don't own emotion, I rent. (I don't actually know what that means, I just think it's a really cool line haha)

It was really awesome to see TYWO peeps today. It made me so excited and put into such an incredible mood. Hopefully my audition was sufficient to allow me to continue experiencing this on a weekly basis. Colin looks incredible and very small. Impressive.

I have the dye. I'm waiting for my hair to lighten more first. Will I have the guts? I don't particularly think purple will suit my face but nonetheless, as experienced immediately before I dyed my hair bright red, I seem to be getting this unstoppable urge to be noticed in a crowd for once. Being so unnoticable and unremarkable gets so frustrating. Plus I just think it'll look really cool even if it doesn't look good on me in particular. We shall wait and see. Also being sick of the ridiculous frizzing that has plagued me the past few days in this Toronto weather, I just bought a good quality straightening iron off Ebay. A friend of mine has the same one and it works spectularly. I'm excited.

Buying off the internet is fun. I also bought a Trainspotting poster because I love the statement it makes about society.. and I love the mocking.. the mocking is brilliant (but you have to understand the context of course). See > http://www.fritzlandia.org/pics/choose_life.jpg

I can see through one of my burners to the stove. There's just a big hole.
Right now my curtain rod is being somewhat precariously held up by my mop.

Almost Settled

Apartment Pictures! You know you love pictures. Click here!

I'm moved in now.. it was stressful.. still is, don't have curtains yet which is troublesome because the window is like.. the size of the wall. I'm not comfortable here yet really, it's weird trying to get used to like.. having a couch and a kitchen beside my bed.. and I'm lonely already even though I've been seeing people a lot.. I just.. really don't like coming home to nobody. I'll get used to it I guess. I hate the first week of school.. my classes look boring and hard and there are so many books and it feels so far to campus! (Not so bad on the bike but.. when there's snow and stuff...ick).
Chelsea's was SO much fun.. I LOVE YOU CHELSEA! As far as I can remember the most memorable and random part was the sitting on the ground outside of The Green Room (drunk) spelling out "Happy B-day" with marshmellows and toothpicks! Ted is my hero. Uhh what else is worth mentioning.. Jesse had to buy me a drink because he lost a bet over what the first letter of one of the other guests name was (we tried liquid cocaine.. not bad, not bad.. but I love how later I turn around and Jesse's already ordered our next round, how convenient!)

I rode my bike home part of the way.. it was like flying! It was so exciting and I like couldn't feel my legs so they didn't hurt. Probably not the safest thing in the world but not many cars are out that late on St. George.. it was cool lol.

I got my rats.. they're just little baby girls, about 6 weeks old.. very rambunctious.. they're living in a cardboard box right now having a jolly ole time chasing each other around.

I have Music class with Renee! Yay!

Victorian Fiction looks monotonously boring.

I'm super excited to see Hart House Theatre do "Reefer Madness: The Musical".. the plan is to go in a.. umm.. appropriate state of mind. Who's in?

Today I tripped over my bike and fell on my ass (and on the bike) very painful and embarrassing.. especially since the guys walking by LAUGHED at me. But then I realized that one of those guys was Ted, and he stopped to talk to me after he was done laughing, so it was alright lol for some reason it's not embarrassing when the people laughing are people you know.

Ummm what else do I have to say.. come chill with me? Ask me for my newly activated land-line phone #?

I will post pictures when I have the energy.

*Edit* Today was a LONG day, mostly involving Carolyn, though it certainly would have been much longer without her marvelous company :P We have 3 classes together (2 of which were today) I'm really too tired to go into more detail.. but a car did a U-turn in front of some religious sorority dealie on St George that has a sign out front says "God Allows U Turns" which personally I think is HILARIOUS.

Argh.

Ok, so, I blew it. I really did. If I had played everything well and not gotten in I would have been ok with that, but it's SO frustrating that I've worked so hard these past few weeks.. and actually started to sound pretty good, been able to play everything up until the moment before I step into the audition room.. and then.. just crash and burn. I fumbled, I cracked the high notes.. I just.. uggh.
Well now I know for sure for future reference that I should play the hardest thing first because I'm ok for the first thing I play and then start shaking.. until by the second or third excerpt I'm going like a bloody leaf.

HUGE thanks to Alix for coming along, it helped so much lol so much less intimidating a process with a friend there.

Well believe it or not Jeff Reynolds RECOGNIZED me.. it's so weird like that.. I spoke to him when he visited TYWO last year and he recognized me THEN too.. (maybe from LAST years audition.. wweeeird.. ).

It's ok. It's totally OK. Next year I'm going to be so SO MUCH more prepared for this. And I'm gonna be super prepared for the TYWO auditions, I swear to god. I'd only really want to play one year with the Fac. anyway because I could only use one of those credits for my minor because of the other requirements. There's always next year. OR the year after!

On a completely different subject, I'm trying so hard to reason with myself.. reason with my completely irrational emotions.. and it's sort of working.. fuck why does this hurt. THIS SHOULDN'T HURT.
Sometimes I just hate life so much.. STOP KICKING ME IN THE ASS ALREADY.

FUCK.
Ok just needed to get that out.

I am NOT looking forward to moving in on Saturday. It's going to be such an aggravation.

A Classic

I had to share this with you.. the dream I had right before I woke up this morning.. because it is a CLASSIC audition anxiety dream (my first audition being tomorrow) and that amuses me:

I was at an audition and they called my name first and I was like OH SHIT because for some reason I hadn't been expecting this and i wasnt warmed up and I couldnt get my reed to go on properly or the sound to sound normal.. and then I realized I didnt know where I was and couldn't remember which audition this was, it was supposed to be U of T but i wasnt AT U of T and COLIN was there so I was like OMG my TYWO stuff isn't ready, it's my UOFT stuff that I've been working on!! The guy who went in before me came back and was freaking out because for his audition he had to play along with a MOVIE that they randomly put on? Sight reading except.. ear anticipating? And as I went into the room there was some girl and Colin asked her if she could be a clarinet accompaniest to a piano (in the band?) and to demonstrate that she could.. she played MY solo.. and a whole lot BETTER than I can.. Then they left me alone for a minute so I tried to warm up but it turns out my mouth piece was a drinking straw?? And then my reed broke in half anyway?? Somehow songs came on the radio that I've played along with before, so I started playing along hoping they'd hear me and not make me do the crazy playing along with a movie thing. But nobody came back.. and it turned out that there had been a bomb threat or something on the building, but no one had told me or come and got me so I was the only one left in the building.. just me and the bad guys who were now in the building and comng after me.. (and then it ceases to be a clarinet dream and goes on but I don't remember that as clearly).

MUCH has gone on in the past week and a half.. been getting out a lot.. a lot of "interesting" not necessarily good stuff.. or both good and bad stuff happening at the same time making it neither..