rant

Today was supposed to be my family birthday party, except, we're not having it because mommy is too upset about the budgie to do anything but lie around and cry. How fucking unreasonable do you get, a BUDGIE is more important than your daughter's birthday party. Fine, whatever, I can understand that, only because that bird was my mother's only companion. So, that's even more sad, GET SOME GOD DAMN FRIENDS SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON A FUCKING BUDGIE FOR COMPANIONSHIP. If I ever get like that with anything smaller than a cat, just end my miserable life for me.

I'm actually not too upset about this because it means that I have today to try and write this essay. I had all of yesterday and got no where because the whole being sick thing basically just equals me falling asleep whenever I try to focus and not being able to think straight (I'm back spacing every few words to correct spelling, I usually don't need to edit at all). I'm afraid of not being able to do this for Tuesday because the Professor doesn't take late submissions. I'm trying really hard not to panic because that'll just make it even harder, but I can feel it simmering underneath the skin, I'm having nightmares about it and everything. I feel a little bit like I'm high except I'm definately not, but everything feels a bit surreal. I'm touching the keyboard but.. am I touching the keyboard? lol And I find myself filled with unreasonable anger at the thought of Friday night. I mean, it had previously come to my attention that, in fact, the group of people that I've been hanging out with for the past -2 years- aren't actually my friends at all and probably wouldn't care if they never saw me again, but what was planned Friday night seems to have summed that up in a nice little package. (No Jamie, I'm not including you, no Mark, I'm probably not including you either, you know I love you, though you definately don't have time for me anymore and I surely resent it.)

My brain feels like it's being squashed by the pressure in my head, if only my ears would pop and stay popped. STUPIDFUCKINGSICKNESSWHATTHEFUCK. I've been sick THREE times since May totalling a minimum of about 3.5 weeks of being sick, probably over a month now that this round has started. Since I only get about 3 months and a little bit of vacation because of my exams ending super late, that's being sick for at least ONE-THIRD of my summer. WHAT THE FUCK.

This is bullshit. I hate this summer. It hasn't been a summer at all. This is the worst summer ever and I wish it would just end. I want New York back, TYWO peeps let's all go back to NYC.