WORK IS FINALLY DONE! Time to actually breathe now!
Not gonna lie, I don't miss it. But I'm sure I'll miss the company of my little munchkins. Was it worth it? Maybe. I'm now a pro with 2-3 year olds, in my evaluation my unit head seemed to think I'd done a really good job.. I now have a much better understanding of small children, what they're like, how to handle them.. exactly how much responsibility and commitment having children is and how much love and meaning they bring to you. Do I still want kids? Yes. But it's a much bigger decision than I would have thought even. I made some decent social accomplishments as well. Will I go back next year? Maybe. If I do, I'll ask to be with older kids for the sake of that experience.

The weekend was.. interesting. Busy. Interesting. Not always in a good way but not really in a bad way.. Toria's party was.. interesting. Ronnie's party was.. interesting.. the drive home was PARTICULARLY interesting. Monday was Wonderland with Natalie, and that rocked because Natalie is lots of fun and it was like old times back in elementary school.. even though Dufferin packed up and left (aka we got lost lol). Last night was pretty interesting too (Jamie is the Candyland champion).

So.. my clarinet is very sharp. It's something I've been trying to work out for years and there's no good solution.. at my instructors suggestion I went to Harknett today to try out a couple of different mouthpieces.. ones known for lowering pitch. Except.. both significantly RAISED my pitch.. WTF. (The same shit happened when I tried this last year). The guy who was helping me knows me, gave me lessons for a while, and he was always like "its you, not the instrument" (my current instructor says otherwise) so he was like "let me try it" and tried and was like "you're right.. it is the instrument" (IN YO FACE MOFO) Unfortunately that leaves me a bit stuck.. I can:

a) live with it, it's not TERRIBLE I just pull out a LOT and my middle range is consequently flat, but the reed strength I'm using isn't ideal for the type of mouthpiece I'm using anyway..

b) go after Gary Armstrong downtown and buy a ring to extend my barrel or buy a longer wooden barrel..

c) think about investing in a new instrument..
i) I could rent to buy from Harknett.. they don't really carry very many good (wooden) clarinets to rent but their higher end would still give me a more even pitch than where I'm sitting now
ii) Just go right ahead and buy a good quality clarinet

Now, C)ii) seems like the last resort.. but believe it or not.. my dad is actually considering it as an option.. GUYS I MIGHT GET A GOOD CLARINET!! But I have to REALLY make it worth like the 2k we'd pay for it.. play it for like HOURS AND HOURS A DAY..

It's really a VERY exciting prospect for me.. but believe it or not a very intimidating one.. because I'd feel like I couldn't live up to the instrument I was playing. (That and my baby's been with me for 8 years now.. *sniff good old boy)

I guess it comes down whether it's worth what a wooden extended barrel would cost (I have no clue) and it's improvement to the instrument vs. it sort of being time to upgrade anyway.

*edit* I talked to my teacher and she seems to think it's not worth getting a new barrel.. she thinks that I'm ready for a better instrument, she let me play the lesson (and she let the lesson go for like an hour overtime) on her Buffet R-13 *drroooll* (it's like a $3800 instrument compared to my like $300) and it was soooo gooodddd

*edit**edit* THERE'S THIS RANDOM GUY THAT I MADE FRIENDS WITH AT CAMP AND GOT HIS EMAIL AND JUST RANDOMLY FOUND OUT THAT HE JUST HAPPENS TO BE A CLARINET PLAYER AND THAT PLAYED IN TYWO AND THAT HE HAS A REALLY EXPENSIVE CLARINET THAT HE MIGHT SELL TO ME BECAUSE HE CAN'T PLAY IT ANYMORE BECAUSE HE'S TOO BUSY BEING AN ENGINEER EXCITEDEXCITEDEXCITED!!! What a small world :)

tickticktick

It's actually gotten so bad that I literally do no want to leave my house anymore because I don't want anyone to see me.

Not gonna lie, I've been posting a lot on LJ (only) recently because it's been personal stuff that I'm not comfortable posting on here for anyone and their uncle to see.

Oh Me Oh My

This is Daniel Cook me being a photographer! When my family is over I play with the camera and make a game of catching my relatives using their charactertistic facial expressions.. I think that photography is my secret calling!

A Few Of My Favourites

This is my brother... look at me I'm the vacant sexy bad boy (no I do not think of my brother that way people, just trying to be funny here!)


This is my dad's scornful know-it-all face *yeah.. okay.. if you say so*


*Har har oh come on*


I'm Paul, this is my contemplative CAMERA FACE.. one day Paul I will catch you when you're not paying attention :P

If you're the camera type person and you care (aka. Jessica) the camera is a.. um.. Kodak Z700 

So, I've decided that I want a pet rat again. Two males to be specific. (Rabbits just live too long and are higher maintenance). So I've been trying to think of clever male pairings to name them after.. I want it to be smart but something you could say out loud to the animals. At the top of my list so far is:
Jake and Elwood
or maybe Jay and Silent Bob (just because I think it'd be so cute to name a rat "Silent Bob" lol)
there are so many cute ones.. Bert and Ernie, Louis and Clarke, Merry and Pippin, Mason and Dixon.. it's just so hard to choose!!!! Let me know if you have any suggestions!

Also let me know if you have any old cages that you might donate to me!

P.S. Best present ever: The Official Klingon Dictionary (love you Paul :D )

Arms Of The Angel

Do you know what's amazing? When someone you've been seeing regularly for like a year and a half and know backwards and forwards can still surprise you. How even though we both know what we're actually there for we can still kick back with a movie or in each other's arms discussing random things like evolution and middle eastern geography and north american history with no particular urgency. It's funny how very affectionate people/friends can become though there aren't "feelings".
I am so incredibly content.

For the next three weeks I can read on my own initiative! Sweet. The exam was "meh" but from before to after I cared more about it being over than about doing brilliantly.

I had many vivid dreams last night; I dreamed about my camp kids, I don't remember what specifically, but two things to take from that: 1. I love my kids to death and I don't ever want camp to actually end because I don't want to stop seeing them (at least, the ones that behave). 2. I got enough sleep last night (for once) to gets lotsa the good old R.E.M!

Weekend

So the long weekend was sure a long weekend. For the most part, it was awful. It wasn't all bad though.
For Saturday and Sunday, and some of Monday, the sinus pressure in my head was bad enough that it felt like being stoned.. couldn't think straight, couldn't focus. Not pleasant, especially when essay writing needs to be done. But the essay was finished.. maybe not the most uh.. intellectual essay I've ever written but.. oh well, I got it done and that's the important part. Unfortunately this coinciding of events (essay + not being able to think straight) bred a strange and unreasonable rage within me that extended to the resurfacing of old rages. Not cool. (Not to say that the rage in question wasn't justifiable.)

At any rate, I stayed home all weekend, except for Monday night.. when the SCP had an adventure! We wanted to all hang out together one last time before Brian disappears off to the states for law school soooo.. korean bbq + karaoke! My first time trying korean bbq.. twas pretty cool.. I used chopsticks!! (I'm a HUGE newb so Brian had to repeatedly show me how to hold them.. and then like.. turn my meat for me when I forgot to lol it was fun) The karaoke was an interesting adventure.. as Jesse and I were determined to make it easier by consuming alcohol beforehand. After looking at the drink menu which was like 80% alcoholic beverages the woman tells us that they don't serve alcohol.. so uh.. nice menu guys? Helen informed her that we.. uh.. were kind of looking for a place that served alcohol. And we left. How hilariously embarassing haha! Anyways, we found a place.. discovered what an AMAZING singer Brian is (how cool is that?).. sang some hilarious renditions.. 50 Cent, Shakira, etc.. Jesse and Brian singing Spice Girls in high voices (or Jesse's girl voice in general).. TOO FUNNY!!

All in all, it doesn't get much better than singing Oasis into a beer bottle with people you love spending your time with.
I had -so- much fun you guys.. we must do it again. Though.. without Brian :'( .. dammit Brian.. SCP honestly won't ever be the same to me without you. Best of luck with those nutty Americans.. I know you'll pwn them. So Helen and Jesse... road trip to NYC? I'm not even kidding.. to say the least it means getting to go to that amazing duty-free again, muahaha!
If anyone saw our group hugs they'd probably think we were huge losers. But.. I DON'T CARE! :D
HUGE thanks to you Helen for your planning and driving and.. editing my essay again and.. EVERYTHING. You are unimaginably awesome.

Despite getting home late and being tired I didn't sleep a wink until about 9 am and even then couldn't sleep (perhaps because the pressure in my head had returned).. dayum Chelsea, one night of not being able to sleep feels like absolute crap.. it made me think of your insomnia and how INCREDIBLY awful it must be.. I would go absolutely insane.

The Prof. cancelled tonight's class! He's so awesome! And then Jeff settled our silly ice cream argument from weeks ago by buying me a fudgsicle muahah totally worth it melting all over me on the subway! :) Just the exam on Thursday and then I be free of class for a whole 3 weeks!

P.S. Everyone in T.O.. keep yourself open if you can to the end of the first week of September.. (the weekend of the 9th) because that's hopefully when I'll be moving in and I fully expect y'all to join in some house-warming/first-night-there festivities!

rant

Today was supposed to be my family birthday party, except, we're not having it because mommy is too upset about the budgie to do anything but lie around and cry. How fucking unreasonable do you get, a BUDGIE is more important than your daughter's birthday party. Fine, whatever, I can understand that, only because that bird was my mother's only companion. So, that's even more sad, GET SOME GOD DAMN FRIENDS SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON A FUCKING BUDGIE FOR COMPANIONSHIP. If I ever get like that with anything smaller than a cat, just end my miserable life for me.

I'm actually not too upset about this because it means that I have today to try and write this essay. I had all of yesterday and got no where because the whole being sick thing basically just equals me falling asleep whenever I try to focus and not being able to think straight (I'm back spacing every few words to correct spelling, I usually don't need to edit at all). I'm afraid of not being able to do this for Tuesday because the Professor doesn't take late submissions. I'm trying really hard not to panic because that'll just make it even harder, but I can feel it simmering underneath the skin, I'm having nightmares about it and everything. I feel a little bit like I'm high except I'm definately not, but everything feels a bit surreal. I'm touching the keyboard but.. am I touching the keyboard? lol And I find myself filled with unreasonable anger at the thought of Friday night. I mean, it had previously come to my attention that, in fact, the group of people that I've been hanging out with for the past -2 years- aren't actually my friends at all and probably wouldn't care if they never saw me again, but what was planned Friday night seems to have summed that up in a nice little package. (No Jamie, I'm not including you, no Mark, I'm probably not including you either, you know I love you, though you definately don't have time for me anymore and I surely resent it.)

My brain feels like it's being squashed by the pressure in my head, if only my ears would pop and stay popped. STUPIDFUCKINGSICKNESSWHATTHEFUCK. I've been sick THREE times since May totalling a minimum of about 3.5 weeks of being sick, probably over a month now that this round has started. Since I only get about 3 months and a little bit of vacation because of my exams ending super late, that's being sick for at least ONE-THIRD of my summer. WHAT THE FUCK.

This is bullshit. I hate this summer. It hasn't been a summer at all. This is the worst summer ever and I wish it would just end. I want New York back, TYWO peeps let's all go back to NYC.

Squawk

Well the decision was made and though I'll still couldn't say confidently that it was the right one, it feels much better to finally be walking down a path and not standing at the crossroads. I'll be living in a bachlor on St. George street, north of Bloor. The neighbourhood is gorgeous and I'm already pretty attached to the room, it seems like a very me kind of place. It's on the 5th floor and has a balcony facing North. It'd be pointless to describe it but I'll be sure to post pictures in September. Though I will say that it does have a pool, and though it'll be closed for most of the time I'm there (winter and all) it's gonna be sweet while it's open!

I would like to sadly announce the departure of our family bird Tweety to the after life. I'm not sure how many of you have heard the stories of my family's pets.. but honestly, every single one of them has died in some freak accident. Tweety is no exception. He loved to sit on the tops of doors. Unfortunately.. he went for the top of the door right as my brother was closing it.. and got squashed. The sad part is that he made it all the way back downstairs to his cage before he died. I'm not gonna lie, I never much liked Tweety, but the thought of this fate twists at my insides. My mom is a wreck. RIP Tweety.

This is gonna be a looonnng weekend.. lots of plans + my final essay due on Tuesday (haven't even chosen a topic)... oh uh.. did I mention that after 2.5 weeks of a bad cold and 1 week of being better.. I'm getting sick again? I can feel it. *sigh* Woe is me.

Too Much.

So I had a bit of a breakdown this evening. The stress over this whole housing situation is just too much for me on top of everything else.. too much in too little time, quick decisions are being demanded of me, life changing decisions; I have trouble making decisions even when I have all the time in the world to make them. Live by myself or live with Jesse's friends? I'm not going to explain on a journal why I think it might not be such a great idea to live with 3 boys, though on the other hand it means there would be people looking out for me and people around to talk to. I think though, I'm still going to end up by myself. This is killing me because I'm convinced that no matter what decision I make it's going to be the wrong one and it's going to fuck up my life which would have been so great had I only taken the other choice. I had a sit down with my parents tonight and they made me feel so bad and guilty about the whole thing, it's my fault this is so last minute (IT'S NOT), it's my fault we're in trouble financially because I should be making thousands and thousands of dollars and should have been making thousands of dollars for years already like “every other kid” though they've always had me convinced that we were in a great place financially despite my inquiries and never bothered to mention to me that it was pretty necessary for me to be doing the aforementioned. It's JUST TOO MUCH. I started crying right there at the kitchen table, I couldn't help it, and then I couldn't stop, and I still can't seem to stop, I'm still at it, I don't even know why. It's just so much pressure, and so much stress, and so little sleep, and so little support.

Is it funny that my best emotional support right now is coming from two year olds because they cuddle with me?
I know there are people out there who care about me, I know, it's just that I don't really get to see or talk to them.. ever because there just isn't time. There isn't time for anything other than the bare minimum of sleep I need to be able to make it through the next day. I know there are people who have it just as bad or a whole lot worse, well maybe they're stronger than I am.

Gonna go drink some of my father's disgusting Mexican beer and get tonight's 6 hours of sleep.