Life Is Only What You Make Of It

Some people can bring me down so easily. All it takes is that small handful of words to just demolish my self-esteem, leave me figuratively curled up in a miserable ball of self-pity for the rest of the night. Funny how one person (and more than one person has the ability to do it, no mistake there) can so easily make me feel so worthless and so alone. Feeling as though no one will ever love me for who I am, as though I'm doomed to a life of "not good enough". Asshole, right? What bastards. No. Maybe I haven't grown enough as a person to move past these self-esteem issues, but I have however grown enough to realize that there's no one to blame but myself. I need to get a grip on myself and get control over this. I need to learn how to love myself when no one else does. If I feel like shit because of stuff someone says to me, it's not their fault for saying it, it's my fault for letting it get to me. I need to be stronger than that. I need to grow past this.

Well, anyway, how are everyone's exams going?
I'm terrified for my music history exam.. it's going to beat me into a bloody pulp.. it's only 2 hours long.. and besides definitions, short answer, and essay question, I also need to be able to, by ear, identify the composer/composition/date/stylistic features of 5 different music clips. The catch is, there are 6 cds and 93 pieces of music for them to choose from. Sorry but, it's not possible. Not to mention, the TAs mark SO hard on the other written stuff.. anybody free on May 10th to come and collect my scattered limbs after it chews and spits me out onto the floor?

I've seriously considered dropping my music minor for something else because I feel like I'll never be able to do well in it and it'll just drag me down.. like, no matter what I do they just rape it. Like, my essay, it was on par with all of the other essays I wrote for different faculties.. just as well researched and written as all of my other essays, and yet music is the only department that insists on giving me terrible marks. When in doubt, just take marks off without explanation! Bastards.. Nonetheless, I don't really have many other options. I don't want to minor in something I didn't take first year because 4 credits in 3 years would be a huge pain. Not enough of the archaeology courses strike my fancy, or I certainly would have switched to it as a minor. Maybe I still will. I can't decide. I could double major in English and History.. but the History major requirements are way too intense. I could do a Specialist in English. I would rather enjoy that BUT I still love history and since I have no idea where I'll end up career-wise, I don't want to narrow my options to that point.

Something rather amusing happened today. Alright well last night Jamie/Kate/Jon drove here from Markham to see a movie that wasn't playing anywhere else, so I met up with them (w00t!). I thought the movie was absolutely amazing, it blew me away. The title of the movie is "Brick" and since it's only running for a couple more days and since Strahan has a brick fetish, I made him come down today and see it. (It was even better the second time, because I caught more.. see this movie if you possibly can.) Afterwards he wanted to find that sushi place that we went to on 4/20.. so we went to Bay street.. and couldn't find it. We both remembered it being there.. remembered passing the Tim Hortons.. we walked up and down the street several times absolutely puzzled as to where the fuck this sushi place went. Thought we were either absolutely crazy and made it all up.. or that it disappeared off the face of the earth. Finally, absolutely baffled, we went into a convenience store and asked.. and were directed to the adjacent street. Lo and behold.. *sudden flashbacks of crossing the street and noticing those silhouette people by the Timothy's entrance* Man.. how hysterical is that? We were apparently REALLY high that night! lol like.. REALLY.

Good times.