Keep Your Chin Up

Alright, it's true that I had a pretty rough weekend and not a great week before that so, yes, my last few posts have been pretty negative and depressing. And while I've calmed down since, I'm still finding myself very stressed. But, today, I'm going to do my best to formulate some sort of positive post.

First of all despite the assholes out there, there are still good people in the world. I've been very irritable and short-tempered with a couple of you in the past little while and for that I apologise because I know that you have nothing but good intentions. Also, I was suprised that more than one person, people who don't know me very well yet, inquired as to the nature of my troubles and expressed their sympathy. This does a great deal to restore an amount of my faith in the nature of humanity, as a large source of frustration this year has been how most people I meet don't seem to have much an interest in making new friends.

My seminar professor gave us an extra week to hand in our collaborative essays. Thank you God. Now I just need to get my partner to try and convey his ideas with something ressembling coherent clarity.

Strangely enough, in my ranting about what bastards guys are (or gay, or taken) I've started to remember with some affection my experiences with *____. I don't know if any of you would remember this guy, Jamie, you remember the ____ thing? Well this would be a fellow that I went on a few dates with back last spring, now, he did a pretty thorough job of scaring me away but, this in itself conveys an innocence that he possesed. He was uncorrupted by any previous negative experience, something which I think is a source of future problem after you've been through it, and although maybe naive and ignorant he was genuinely nice to me. My reflections on what self-serving pricks a lot of guys are has lead me to appreciate this. His mom trained him well to open doors for a girl and walk her up to her door- you don't see this very often at all anymore. I sincerely wish it were more common, but tradition and romance are things of the past for most modern guys.

Also, you know what he would say to me? He'd say: "You're beautiful and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise." Maybe you're laughing at me now, but we weren't even going steady, and I've never had a steady boyfriend talk to me like that with such sincerity and consistancy. Usually, if someone says something like that to me I'll brush it off and assume it's bullshit, because generally it probably is. Generally, even the person who says it doesn't believe it. But when ____ said it, it felt less like he was just trying to convince me it was true and more like it was something that he actually believed.

I have no idea what happened to him and I don't think anything could really have gone anywhere between us, but nonetheless the memory lifts my spirits and renews my hopes that not all guys out there are out to treat me like dirt and tear my heart out.

The trick is finding one. But, yes this an optimistic post, I swear. (So we won't go there)

lol maybe my missing ___ is a sign of just how desperate and lonely I'm getting.. but we won't ruin the moment by explaining that one to those who don't already know what I mean


*****EDIT*** After originally including the name I've now decided it would not be a wise idea, but if the name would have meant anything to you then you'd more easily recognize the circumstances even without it.