Freudian Slip

Some people are just genuinely dumb.. especially prissy little teenage girls.. here's our idiot quote of the day:
(At work) "Does that calendar cost money?" No you asshat, pay for it in jube-jubes.. ACTUALLY nevermind.. Unicef.. this CHARITY can afford to give shit away for the simple reason that all our merchandise is a product of child labour! Honestly now.. *shakes head* Though I shouldn't complain, I got a good laugh.

So, at work today I spent a large amount of time reading one of Freud's case studies for English, and it is of course very interesting, and it of course (since I have nothing better to do at work anyway) provoked me to analyse aspects of my own life. This is something I like to do anyway, though naturally my attempts are shallow at best. I was wondering, why is it that I enjoy (be it physical or non) when guys are agressive/possessive/controlling with me? In the style of analysis that I picked up from the book, my first thought was that being controlled is a substitute for my own level of control. For example, I feel as though I have little control over parts of my life (eat habits, social abilities, emotions) so wanting to be controlled and BEING controlled actually GIVES me some aspect of control. To simplify even further, if you make my decision for me, I feel less out of control than if I TRIED to make my own decision and failed miserably. If you decide, I don't feel as out of control because it was my decision to let you decide and the alternative remains that I could have done what ever it was for myself WHEREAS if I make my own choices there is no middle man and I can't avoid the lack of control I have over the consequence. Got it?
Also in the style of Freud I try and look back into my past, I can trace this tendency in myself to as far back as about grade 7/8ish, this being where that whole puberty thing happens SO perhaps I enjoy being controlled because it covers up any shame that I might feel over my developing self. Example: I feel less ashamed about thinking about sex if it's the guy in control of me as opposed to me being the one in control and thus taking more responsibility for my actions.
If we really wanted, we could get even MORE freudian and relate this to my relationship with my father- we won't touch family and sexuality but maybe since my dad has always been the withdrawn, easy one and it was always my mom that made the decisions and had control over everything, MAYBE this tendency of mine is reflecting a lack (and consequent need) for male authority where my father fell short.
If we want to forget Freud completely we could always relate it back to the primitive caveman days where the role of the male was naturally to be the dominant one who would protect and control his mate. So maybe we could just blame the whole thing on primitive instincts seeping through.

Alright thats enough Dr. Jenn for today.

Some middle aged guy visiting from Israel starting hitting on me today, no that's not even the gross part, the gross part is that he thought I was 15. I wonder if he even believed me when I insisted that I was 18 lol fucking sick pedophilific bastard! Funny how it's pretty evenly divided between people thinking I'm younger or older. It almost makes me want to cast aside my "if you judge me by my looks I don't want anything to do with you anyway" beliefs and waste hours of my life putting more effort into the way I dress and how many layers of makeup I apply. Or perhaps not.

I bought a lighter today. Really I'm just taunting myself because I will NOT touch my weed until my essays have been written and submitted.