The Simple Complications

So I was walking the other day past a very tall tree going up the side of a large house and a squirrel was closely chasing another squirrel, a very furious chase, involving jumping from branch to branch, and somewhere near the top, I guess they didn't quite make it because I watched them fly through the air and heard the thump as they hit the top of the dumpster 3 stories below.

I had the last of 4 auditions today, no more until next summer as far as I know.. thank god. Tonights was one I went to just for the sake of getting audition experience since the group is at a calibre way over my head, and it was a good experience: both the adjudicator and I laughed over how much I suck at sight-reading lol who the fuck uses part of a tchaikovsky symphony as a sight-read audition, the time signature was 9/8 or something fucked like that, I failed pretty miserably lol but I didn't feel bad about it, cuz like I said, it was just for the experience and the guy laughed with me.

Last night "classy night" took place at the Dickson household, we all met up back in Markham. And by "we all" I mean those who us who didn't ditch us :) It kinda flopped, Mark showed up in his torn jeans :P and no one really drank (so now I have a nice little stash here with me lol) but I will say, Jamie, the cake you made for Alex was clearly excellent. Or maybe it just caught me in the right mood, but it was awesome. Nice to see y'all anyhow.

As far as it goes with boys, it always seems to be a process of looking back and recognizing where things went wrong, what the signs were, where it should have ended.. and then a matter of recognizing the signs in future and using the opportunity to get away before things totally go to hell.. and there's a particular sign that I've noticed in past. Well, tonight I saw that sign. (And it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign. tee hee). And now I need to figure out what to make of it. Cuz clearly logic states that if we've reached this point that signifies things going to hell, I should get out before it gets worse, but it's so hard to let logic be the master over your emotions. It's hard but at the same time, as much I hate it, its pretty clear that I need to put this (you?) behind me. I don't think things can ever be the same again. Maybe they can be? I wish they could be, I don't want to let go of how happy you made me for a while. Maybe its different for everyone in the beginning.

I need to get organized, pull myself together.

Dance with me darling, show them that it's not true

I don't want to go to commencement. My mom got tickets for my whole family. How embarrassing. Such a stupid pointless ritual filled with people that I, for the most part, don't particularly want to see.

I'm so filled with "I just don't know" right now, about more than one person and about more than one thing. I hate it. I hate the consequent emptiness and aloneness, I hate being the only one amongst my suitemates who doesn't have a guy.

Always the angst, eh? Oh to be a typical teenager, does it all change when you turn 20?

Anyways, it's a brand new week, we'll see of what dreams may come.