Umm.. Yeah

So I realized that I've been posting to LJ and not posting to Blogger. So um.. yeah, if you want to read stuff then you might as well just go to LJ from now on. You won't be able to read the friends-only posts, so I guess you'll just have to talk to me more often if you want to keep up.

Maybe I'll change my mind.. I guess I'll still post on here now and again, but let's face it, I'm lazy.. and the fact that Jamie hates LJ just isn't enough incentive, sorry man lol you can keep the link and don't change it or anything if ya want.

Haa

Just got home from band and some other poor bastard is stuck in the elevator. It's pretty fucking pathetic that a freshly "modernized" elevator (after months of construction, the other one now being out of service for construction) keeps trying to EAT PEOPLE, WTF!!

Some old woman went on to me about how she's screwed because she's on the 9th floor.. I think somewhere in there she said she sent some random tenant for help. I hope. I don't care- unless I hear the alarm, though I don't so I feel less like a moron for not having pressed it myself.

HAHAHA.. I have such bad luck.. ELEVATOR FIASCO!

It was about 7:30, I was in class, it was the break.. I thought to myself.. there's so much I need to do before Max comes over as per Monday night usual around 9:30.. clarinet, sax, call mom, astronomy quiz, read.. and I thought.. I haven't done the reading for this half of the class anyway so I might as well leave now and skip the next hour.. and I've been doing a lot skipping without much care.. but... for some reason I really felt like I shouldn't....
I thought it was an intuition about something missing something I'd need for the midterm...
That wasn't it..
But I really should have trusted my intuition

I stepped onto my apartment elevator shortly after 8:00 pm and pressed floor 5... just after the elevator passed floor 2.. it suddenly stopped.
*Oh shit*
No matter what buttons I pressed, nothing happened.
I pressed the "Help" button, as I held it down the light with the words "if this light is blinking, help is on the way" would blink.
My cell phone got absolutely no reception.

For the first half hour I was gripped with a strange claustrophobic paranoia, clutching the handrailing imagining the elevator somehow plunging to the basement like in a movie.

After that, I settled down with my book.. confident that help was on its way.

After a couple of hours, it started to get cold.. really cold.. I started to panic a little bit, actually I started to freak out a little bit... I punched the wall a couple of times and then put some BSB in my ear for comfort and sung out loud for about an hour..
I read about 150 pages in my book.. shivering, starving, really REALLY REALLY glad that I felt no urge to pee.

Around midnight I started thinking maybe I should press the alarm button.. but I didn't want to wake up the whole building.. no point if "help was on its way".. these things always take hours.. on tv anyway (yeah, I'm a moron)

By about 2 o'clock in the morning, as I started to contemplate the idea of being stuck in that elevator until morning.. I started to have another mild panic attack.. I started writing text messages for the comfort of typing "I've been stuck in this elevator for 6 hours, I want to die, I'm so cold" and I thought.. well you can see a little bit through that fan in the ceiling, the one blowing cold air at me.. I stretched my arm up as far as it could go and waited and waited while it tried to send to Max.. and.. IT SENT.. I thought it must be lying to me.. I thought.. HOPE!!! I tried sending another one more along the lines of "please help me somehow" (incase the first wasn't clear enough on that point) and tried the same message again... and it wouldn't send... and I kept trying.. and FINALLY IT SENT.. no idea whether Max was actually getting my messages.. I started crying and kicking the elevator door...

And kept kicking the elevator door.. until about an hour later.. around 3 am I heard voices... VOICES!!!!!!! I figured whoever lived on that floor right outside the elevator had heard me kicking... so I started yelling HELLO??

To cut to the end.. Max got my messages and called the fire department and they came and pried open the door and hauled me out (the elevator had stopped below the landing).. and I sobbed with relief as the firemen took my information and said consoling things like "7 hours?!?! Oh you poor thing"

I took the stairs up to my floor and called Max to let him know I was ok and to thank him for saving my ass... I'm calm now, but I half sobbed half laughed a little hysterically for about half an hour straight after my emancipation.
-I have never been so happy to see people in my entire life-

I just got a knock on my door... the man who's filling in for the superintendant apologising lol

I'm still shivering.

7 hours alone in a cold elevator..

.. fuck

Up, Down, Touch The Ground

Wow.. why is it that so often over the past handful of months there's alway some asshole making me cry while I simultaneously LAUGH at the pure ridiculousness of it. How is it that like every boyfriend I've ever had turns out to be this huge jerk that makes me feel like shit. WELL WHATEVER, I've got Max. Maybe he'll be the first exception.. there are already some huge differences in the way he treats me compared to past boyfriends.. please please please let this one be different.

ANYWAYS..
In general things are going pretty well..

Playing sax in tywo-jo makes me super excited cuz.. I've never played in a jazz band before and have never played sax in front of other musicians before lol it was kinda uncool cuz he made me play the barry part on alto so I couldn't play a lot of the notes that were too low for me.. but that's not my part permanently; Strahan was nice enough to let me take his alto parts home to look at for next week. It's kinda cool because I noticed I'm a lot more confident on clarinet after I've been playing alto, like *phew finally playing a home game again, go team*

The whole Bat Boy @ Laurier thing really didn't work out. The plan was to meet my mom at Finch and she'd drive Max and I to Markham and then we'd take the car to Waterloo... so I called around 4 pm as planned to tell her we were on our way.. and instead I get the kid who's temporarily living in our basement (his name is Greg, really nice kid) and.. to make a long story short, she had a really bad headache and locked herself in her room to sleep or something and wouldn't respond to my bro banging on her door, so I figure FINE, we'll take the bus from Finch.. so we get there.. and wait for like an hour and a half.. and the fucking bus never comes.. I considered taking a taxi all the way back to Markham.. but by that time we wouldn't have been able to make it to Waterloo in time anyway. I was REALLY REALLY disgruntled, and was all grumpy/teary at Max for the next few hours and balked at his suggestions of instead meeting his family or friends (so not in the mood for new people lol) so we ate some kinda gross stuff at some sushi place and then went back to my apartment and watched movies and ate cookies, and all was ok (YES I ATE COOKIES, I've done some major cheating this weekend but.. I needed it, I'll be straight as an arrow this week, I promise, and will run when I'm at the gym, EVERY day.) DAMN I REALLY WANTED TO SEE BAT BOY, AND SEE JODI IN IT :'(

It's been pretty good with Max, he stayed over 3 nights in a row, and I don't feel sick of him. I'm starting to trust him, and some of the doubts I had about him are starting to either resolve or stop mattering as much. I'm still a paranoid basket-case, mind you.

I haven't seen any change in myself yet really but, despite my cheating, the jeans I wore to Max Galactic on Thursday night are jeans that I haven't been able to even get up past my thighs in months! Maybe I just tried harder to get them on this time.. or maybe they were somehow loosened in the meantime.. but I prefer to see it as me having actually made progress ^_^

Oh man I'm SO behind with reading...
The week of February 12th is going to be THE WEEK FROM HELL... besides 5 performances of "Nine", there's the TYWO/TYWO-JO Le Parc concert the day after "Nine" closes AND I HAVE -3- MIDTERMS THAT WEEK!!!! And Valentine's Day.. ssshhiiiiiiiiittt.


Once again forgot what I was going to talk about but OH WELL.

P.S. After TYWO today, Helen took Jesse out for belated birthday dinner and Gideon and I tagged along.. we went to a place called King's Cafe in Kensington market.. it was REALLY REALLY REALLY good. My tastes have changed/my horzion's broadened SO much in the past year or two. At this time last year I would have wrinkled my nose at the thought of going to a sushi place, never mind a vegetarian-ASIAN place!! I get kind of excited about trying new things now. If you'd have told me at this time last year how friggin much I'd love teriyaki mushroom cutlets and soy nuggets I would have LAUGHED. Even at something like spring rolls, which I now also enjoy.
Awesomeness. Definately going back there. (Thanks Herren ^_^)

Some crazy old man smelling of drugs spoke to us and referred to us as kids "of this planet".. weeirdd.. let's get back to the mothership ASAP.

P.S.

I remembered what else I was going to say, and that was that I have officially sold my soul back to camp. They called a couple weeks ago and said they wanted me back and wanted to send me a contract, so I went along with it. I emailed later saying I'd only come back if they'd put me with an older age group, so I'm going to be working with 5.5-6.5 year olds this summer!

Also.. is there any chance that any of you could fathom accomodating me in some way as a housemate next year? I won't have a problem with living alone again if it comes to that, but it would probably have to be pretty far away from campus because I need to be paying like half of the ridiculous price I'm paying now for rent.

If you're coming to see Nine (WHICH YOU -ARE-) try not to come on the night of Saturday the 10th.. most of the pit orchestra won't be there because of the wind ensemble concert so the piano is covering all of the parts = shitty.

Roberta

Guess what, I am finally in possession of a new clarinet!!!!!!
I went to Gary Armstrong's on Saturday morning with mummy and spent over 2 hours fiddling around with new and used Buffet R13's.. and in my mom's opinion, the prices for the new ones weren't that much worse than the prices for the used ones SO... since my narrowing down resulted in one used one and one new one.. I went for the new one!!
Oh my oh my, she's ever so very shiny and beautiful and elegant!
I have named her Roberta. I'm not sure why, I kinda thought "hmm that's not quite it" but then that name kept coming to my mind so I figure I might as well go with it. Roberta sounds elegant to me, and perhaps I will call her Bertie or something for short. It's also very appropriate, I just realized, since my dad's name is Robert and it's his money that paid for her lol!
It will be a while before you see her in band though, she needs quite the breaking in and gradual increase of playing length over time before she can be played long enough to be in band.

It shocks me greatly that my parents have not asked for me to pitch in, not cheap indeed, but.. I'm not complaining!

There was something else I was going to talk about but now I've forgotten what.

You're all going to Max Galactic on Thursday night, yes? What time are you guys going and can I meet up and go with you?

Yess I'm still aalliivee

Oh dear I've been neglecting this thing haven't I? How very unlike me.

Mr. Caswell conducted TYWO on Sunday.. it was crazy.. it was grade 10 all over again.. except not. It was nice to see him, he may be a nazi but he's one of the great teachers to whom I owe my current position and ambition.

I'm playing Molly on the Shore in both TYWO and HHSB.. except I'm playing the solo part in HHSB, which means I can listen to Helen and learn from her brilliance before I ever have to play it myself! Hehe.

TYWO's doing a big band again this year for the Feb. concert.. you know why this makes me super excited? Cuz I'm gonna attempt to play my sax-a-ma-phone! I'm slightly terrified.. considering I've never played sax outside of my own home and have never played in a jazz band (and haven't actually worked too hard at sax lately..).. but I REALLY REALLY want to do this so I'm determined! The thought of doubling an instrument makes me feel so special! (Yeah yeah, I know all of you do it but I've never done it before so to me it's special lol)

Another exciting thing.. I FINALLY got a hold of my clarinet teacher earlier this week to get some advice on getting a new clarinet.. which I've been meaning to do for months now.. I was expecting her to tell me to try out a variety of different wood models but.. no.. when I asked she said "You want the R13." which makes me pretty excited because she wouldn't tell me to get an R13 if she didn't think I was ready for it. She said I might have to wait a while to find a used one.. but lo and behold Gary Armstrong has like 3 of them for sale right now, so mommy and I are going over there on Saturday to try them out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUEEE!!

I'm really not keeping up with my reading. I'm really skipping a lot of class. But, I discovered something magical called the audio book... instead of reading Pride and Prejudice for eng202 next week, I'm gonna listen to it while I'm at the gym.

Speaking of the gym, that's been going well.. it's a huge drag to make myself go every day, especially if I've got other plans, but I've been going nonetheless. I've been following the diet without much trouble too. The cravings actually haven't been too bad yet. I pity poor Max for being stuck with my boring food. Well.. Friday and Saturday night were cheats because of all the alcohol... GUYS I JUST CAN'T TURN DOWN FREE ALCOHOL!!! ... especially super sneaky shots of 'borrowed' vodka.. oh Jesse, we're badass mofos yo!!

Jesse's birthday party was fun.. I'm really glad everyone liked Max and I'm really glad that most of Jesse's cake ended up on his face so I didn't have to watch anybody eat it ^_^
The pit orchestra get together on Saturday night was pretty fun too.. watched some hilariousness, got to see Anton *yay*.. had a REALLY amusing trip home.. oh Tim.. "I feel like I look like a prostitute" hahah

Still trying really hard not to be a paranoid basket case but there's no help for it.. time, I guess.

Guess what though, now that I have a boy to drag places I get to go to Laurier to see Batboy after all!! :D

I'm getting sick. MOTHERFUCKER x 10.

New Years

Oh so much to say and so little will to tell it..
New Years actually means nothing to me and I'm really not into the whole 'resolution' bit.. and I don't actually even like saying "happy new years" because it all sounds kind of stupid to me.. I definately don't measure time by real years, I measure time by school years.. September is the "new year" to me.. yeah 2006, 2007.. I don't fuckin care, makes no difference to me.

Anyways, I went to Jeff's house and met his friends and I really like them all and we played on his Wii and played some pool and then I FLEW back to Markham and was at Jamie's house by about 11:40 pm..
Funny story.. Alex got a phone call from a girl so we locked him outside of the house.. and then midnight came and we all drank champagne and AJ and I kissed (figured I might as well kiss somebody haha) and then we noticed that we forgot to let Alex back into the house and no one heard him banging or calling their cell phones.. and he had no shirt on because it was raining and he didn't want it to get wet.. Alex missed New Years HAHAHAHHAHAH. Anyways, I felt pretty awkward at first since.. ya know.. but then Colin placed a concotion we later named the "Colin Making Love" in front of me (we call it that because it burns when you're done OOHH lol) which is a mixture of inferno vodka, rye, whiskey, and pineapple juice.. gross.. but did it ever get me hammered FAST.. after that drink I didn't feel awkward anymore, and had a great time for the rest of the night!

I'll post pictures another time, my camera cord is in Toronto.

Pink!

So we've all seen the hair now! It's been very well received so far.. I kind of go up and down about it, though for sure the picture that I'm using as a display pic everywhere is randomly really nice. It's weird how I seem to take the best pictures of myself. Actually, I'll post a picture for your sake Jamie since you haven't seen me since I dyed it, haven't seen you online and since you don't have facebook:



Well on Wednesday late at night I visited a friend in Markham, I drank 4 beers in a row.. he kept making me try and chug it (it was his, after all).. and ended up like the drunkest I've ever been (almost) skipping home (literally) by myself and actually laughing out loud at NOTHING at like 4:30 am. Really glad no one is outside in Markham that late lol.. it kinda rocked to be such a happy state of drunk.. but then I paid for it dearly on Thursday.. though I think the hangover might have been mixed with some other bug because.. yeah the nausia woke me up at 11 am and I couldn't stand up without the world spinning until after 4 pm! Crazy what beer can do to me. Haha and now he says he's depressed that I don't remember much of it.. BUT HE'S THE ONE THAT GOT ME DRUNK! *sigh lol

The important thing is that I got to feeling well enough to get downtown and meet up with Paul and go to Anton's celebration!! We ended up at The Red Room.. umm.. highlights... Anton drunkenly doing his first "blow-job", got it all over his face, glasses, hair.. that was hilarious.. "I'd rather give a real one" haha <3 ...umm yeah Lily was REALLY nice to me again.. maybe -this- time the niceness will extend past the alcohol/pub? I sure hope so. Yeah, she might have kissed me.. WITH TONGUE! AHH!!!!! But it's ok, Lily makes out with EVERYONE (if you're a girl.) The hair seems to be doing it's job with the me not blending into the wall as per usual w00t!

Anyways, I didn't drink enough to get drunk because I was afraid of the stomach freaking out.. but I still just had a really good time.. I knew enough people to never feel like I was being left out of anything and that made me secure enough to talk with new people, yay! Paul, I hope you had a good time too... MAN PAUL WAS SOOOO DRUNK! lol (DAMMIT JESSE one day you'll be there when we do 'blow jobs'.. one day.. people were asking after you.. never leave us again *tear)

We (Paul and I) left with Chelsea and Brendan to get food and got pizza (the chili stuff on Paul's nearly made me die but once milk was had it was EXCELLENT) but then I didn't really feel like making the walk home any longer and didn't feel like drinking anymore (god knows Paul didn't need anymore :P) so we let the others go on without us.. and a couple of other people sat down with us and eventually were like.. "were you guys at the red room"? They weren't with Anton's party but we ended up having some pretty hilarious conversation with them.. Emily (who is a klepto) and Will (who is very gay and was in Innis last year so knows a lot of the same people)! That was pretty cool.. making friends randomly is awesome. Oh by the way SNOW WAS FALLING!!! WEEEE!!!! We came back to my apartment by like 2:30ish and watched Home Alone 2.. I love that movie so much.

Okay I wrote all that earlier, and now I will continue this post and tell you about tonight!

So I met up with Chelsea and Brendan and we went to Rancho Relaxo and found Alix and Gita and Morgan and Massa (? :S) and I got to see Max Galactic and the Cloud of Evil play for the first time yay!!!!!! They're SO good.. oh my god loving the jazzy clarinetyness. I definately want to see them again. I randomly saw Josh there, who is a friend of Lily's and has "shocking blue" hair (clearly that makes us soul mates) and the friend he was with knew Alix and his friend looked really familiar and it turns out I've actually met him before in Alix and Chelsea's rez last year.. and his group and our group all ended up at New Ho King together (mmmm sooo good) and another of the guys with them I didn't recognize but after we'd been introduced I starting thinking he was familiar.. and then I heard him mention "Markham"! And it turns out that he's the infamous Scott Christian (infamous because I've heard the name so much from so many people but never knew who he was!!!) ANYWAYS after that I went with Alix to The Red Room for a bit so that she could see the boy and hopefully have a slightly less awkward time with his friends.. at any rate, the whole night was really fun and it was really cool to hang out with people that I don't get to see very often like Gita!!!

Yay I think this hair is good luck!! I've been having such a good time since I dyed it!!! *touch wood* I hope I didn't just jinx it.

Oh Ma Gawd!

I finally did it! What I've been saying I was going to do! I'm not gonna put pictures up till I get some good light.. doesn't look as cool with the crummy house lighting. But.. you'll get to see it at Einstein's tomorrow or on Friday night if you're going to either! Mmmm it's such a delicious colour! Even though I feel like the bleach has killed a handful of brain cells!

The Stars Are Brightly Shining, It Is The Night..

It's Christmas.. there's no snow but the sky is clear and the air is cold and crisp and the stars are shining brightly.

I went to a midnight service with my dad, it's becoming a tradition.. he was brought up in a Catholic family but had to ditch it to marry my mom (she's not religious at all). I scorn the conventions of organized religion and struggle with the concept of God.. and I try not to listen too hard anymore to the sermon because I find myself being critical.. why do I go at all then? Because of the feeling in the air.. there's just something magical and mysterious about Christmas Eve. You just feel good, you feel like there's something special all around you that you're taking in with every breath.. a presence.. maybe not of God, but maybe of good will. (Of course when I say "you" I mean "me" because.. who knows how many people in that church actually feel the same.) I always find myself near tears at some point and not really knowing why. And I love singing the Christmas carols lol.

I'm not religious and I DESPISE consumerism.. but.. if you give it the chance.. and let go of all the every day trivialities.. there's so much more.

Anyways, I hope you all have a very merry and holly jolly Christmas. I love you all very much and I shall take this opportunity to thank those of you who've taken time over the past few months to be there for me when I've needed a shoulder or an ear, or even just given a few words of reassurance, it means the world to me and you mean the world to me.

<3

Boldly Go Where No One Has Gone Before!

So I think last night's Star Trek TNG get together was pretty successful, started around 3 pm with a couple of people and added on a couple more as the night progressed.. we talked through most of the episodes, but that's ok lol we drank whenever my computer screen glitched.. and whenever Riker said "hell" or Deanna used telepathy or there was a red alert.. and so on. Haha. We ordered chinese food and played dreidel for swedish berries.. ew groped berries LOL! Not gonna lie, it's pretty cool to all sit around and have Star Trek discussions!

Oh the geekyest group of geeks that I could find <3 (so geeky that Paul AND Carolyn edited this picture... HAHAH  LUFF!!)






Anywho, so I guess I'm gonna have to wait until school starts again to really go hardcore into this meal and workout schedule.. I'm pretty overwhelmed by it.. I have to be at the gym 6 days a week and have to find ways to be eating every 2-3 hours and drink at least 3L of water a day.. my lifestyle is going to need some SERIOUS revamping. He put my goal amount of weight loss at 30 pounds.. which seems like.. an unfathomable amount for me to lose. I really hope I can do this, guys.

Tonight I met up with Jessica and Kelley and saw The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god, it was sooooo cool.. cooler than.. cool. I'd forgotten how much clarinet Danny Elfman put in his scores.. so good. And the NBC is just awesome anyway.

p.s. Jesse is soooooo entertaining when he's high on pain killers!!!  

J?SS? `Bye-bye wisdom teeth...hello painkillers says:
i am on codene

- ? jessica [i'm the master of fright, and a demon of light, and i'll scare you right out of your pants] ? - says:
hahaha jesse, i think you're on STUPID

HAHAHA.

WE DON NEED NO WATA!!

I slept more than 4 hours last night! w00t! finally! Hardly sleeping and then doing long shifts at work =  not cool BUT at least now the lack of sleep is due to fun and not school!

On Saturday night I didn't expect to find anybody to keep me company so I settled down for a night with my PJ's and The Sound of Music on CTV.. BUT.. it was not to be so! My phone rang and caller ID was the name it gives for when somone is calling from the buzzer downstairs..   .. "ANTON?!?" hehe he managed to get locked out of his house with no phone or wallet but he had his car keys so he came to visit me *yay* We continued watching the Sound of Music.. except.. under an influence.. which lead to him marvelling at my collection of jello and us making chocolate jello puddin! So good. I love being.. under that certain green leafy influence one on one with someone because there's a better chance that I'll actually speak and have hilarious conversation.. we had one about reindeer. Then played with my ratties for like 2 hours. They seem to love him, especially his hair.

AWWWW PATTY LURVES ANTON
   

At some point Mark give me a ring wanting to borrow something and we ended up meeting up with him and going home with him.. we played some hardcore BOGGLE!!! YEAH BEST GAME EVER!!! No Mark, "oost" is not a word. lol and then watched The Royal Tennenbaums which.. I didn't really get the point of, not gonna lie. Ahh I was in your (Alix + Chelsea's) house until past 4 am but neither of you guys were around!! BOO!

I slept for a few hours then went to work.. which was sort of ok.. because I got a first time volunteer who was SO DAMN HOT OMG. He actually looks a LOT like Mark except a bit taller and lankier. And when he smiles... *melts* He's 17.. but.. oh well lol. He's pretty smart too.. usually my volunteers are morons so I don't let them go near the cash register (that decision is left to my discretion) but I actually took the time to train this one and trust him alone with the register (= me getting to take breaks for once!!). 

Last night, after the gym with Jesse (jogged a whole km without stopping!!! woo improvement!!! )  I watched The Believer.. anyone seen it? Starring Ryan Gosling (LOVE him) about a Jewish anti-Semite. It's really REALLY intense.. and at the end you just want to sit there and think about it and try to figure it out, and then look it up online to see if you can get any insight on it. The last scene was just PURE symbolism. I love it. You should see it, so long as you don't mind seeing jews getting the shit kicked out of them (it doesn't ever actually promote or speak against anti-semitism).

I just got an email back from cousin's boyfriend Marc asking a bunch more questions and he says he should have something for me in the next few days and I'm SO EAGER/EXCITED to get going on this!! He says "Overall I don't think we are gonna have a problem" SQUEE!!   I sure hope he's right.. because I sort of feel like nothing I ever do will ever change me. 

Tomorrow SCP + new member (Gideon) gets together for the first time!!! *excited* 
Wednesday I'm trying to host a Star Trek TNG mini-marathon.. if you're a star trek tng fan you're welcome to come, but I don't know yet if anyone actually can!

WICKED!!!

So, last night was the best and luckiest night ever (finally some good luck!).

I was having a pretty crummy afternoon, just really really depressed-y and pms-y and frustrated that Kippen's website was down for the whole day so I couldn't study really because all the shit I need is on that website, wasn't too excited about attempting to see Wicked.. Renee felt the same way. We met up and made our way over to the Canon Theatre and stood in the "lottery line" and put our names in the ballot... half an hour later we stood in a huge crowd of people, all waiting for 10-ish names to be drawn, thinking "oh fuck.. there's no chance we're gonna actually get tickets.. this SUCKS".. BUT lo and behold.. second to last RENEE'S NAME WAS CALLED!!!!... and as we walked up the stairs to the box office to claim them.. MY NAME WAS CALLED!!! (each is good for two tickets you see, so we only claimed Renee's but isn't that still AMAZING? lol We had SO little chance but got DOUBLE LUCKY!!) So anyways, it was at this point that I got REALLY EXCITED ABOUT SEEING WICKED!!!

We had an hour and a half to spare before the show so we decided to try eating at Popeye's.. it was more entertaining than delicious. While Renee was waiting for her food I went to find a seat.. I prefer corners but the only corner was right beside a group of about 6 police officers. My mind momentarily flashed to everything illegal I've ever done and then decided it would be an interesting opportunity to listen in on whatever it is they talk about. Almost immediately after I sat down, the one nearest me asked "Hart House, what's that?" (on my shirt). And I tried to explain in my awkward way and anyways, it lead to a conversation about his son and my plans for the future (none) so the whole group of them started trying to give suggestions as to what I should do with my life! haha and then the whole time we were eating they kept semi-including us in conversation.. it was pretty awesome, they were SOO nice and hilarious (I love when stuff that like happens, a stranger's only a friend you haven't meant... well, for sure at least in the case of law enforcement in the sense that they're least likely to turn out to kill you later?) .. it kinda made me want to be a cop. This sounds kinda weird, but I feel like I'd only enjoy being a cop if I was a guy.

We took a stroll through the Stag store.. they've got some REALLY ridiculous stuff.. *note: buy me an explicit sex board game for my birthday.. please?? I've always wanted one lol though it'd definately be less thrilling now than years ago.. nonetheless!

Then.. WICKED.. our seats were REALLY COOL. We got a box ALL TO OURSELVES!!!!! Our view of the stage was partially blocked.. but that wasn't such a big deal considering we had a box to ourselves AND got tickets for like HALF of the price of the actual nose-bleed seats. AND we could see right into the pit orchestra!!!!! Clear view of the reed players!!! SQUEE!!

Oh man.. the show was SO good. SOOOO GOOODD!!! ... SSSOOOOOOOOOO GGGOOOOOODDD!! Everything about it was absolutely phenominal.. the story was so cool, the way it explained stuff that happened in the Wizard of Oz and like totally twisted the story around.. SO cool.. and the set and choreography and costumes were just fucking AWESOME and the singers had incredible voices and the music is stuff that I'd probably buy or download.. I loved the conductor, very young and very into what he was doing.

I'm SO glad we ended up going because it was absolutely worth it.. guys, see Wicked if you can, you will NOT be disappointed... omg the guys with no arms and extending necks HAHA

We went to Future's afterwards for cheesecake and beer respectively and had some super-satisfying venting.

Some buzzed text messaging avec Jesse on the way home made the walk seem really short.

When I got home I watched the new episode of House that I'd taped, tres awesome.

A bit after 2 am I got a call from monsieur Dimitroff (he'd called around 10 when we were still in the show wanting a post-exam celebration of some sort, but when I called him back after the show he didn't pick up, so this was him calling back again) and I told him to come over, so he did lol and we watched last week's Gilmore Girls since last night's was a repeat (gonna make us wait till Jan to find out what happened! NOO!!).. I agreed to make him go home at 3:30.. but I'm an enabler and a push-over so when the time came he got in bed with me and we watched another episode haha he left at about 4:30 am.

At which point I altered my state (so to speak), put on Star Trek and went to sleep...

Can you say.. ABSOLUTE BEST NIGHT EVER?

<3<3<3

p.s. I updated my banner, it's more colourful this way.

awwww

Omg haha I'm going to cry.. one of my little girls from camp, Isabel, bout 3 years old, and her mom left me a voicemail message.. I'm going to copy it out for you because it is honestly the cutest thing EVER

*woman's voice*: Hi this message is for Jennifer.. umm.. hold on
*in the background*: use your loud voice.. that's not a loud voice.. say Hi Jennifer
Kid: HI
Woman: it's..
Kid: ISABEL
Woman: say who it is..
Kid: ISABEL
Woman: what's your last name?
*incoherent muttering*
Woman: What's your last name?
Isabel: (she yells it)
Woman: from? how do you know Jennifer? which camp?
*incoherent muttering*
Woman: from bvg camp? and what do you want to say to Jennifer?
*incoherent muttering*

Woman: Jennifer if you're still listening, this is not a crank call, this is Isabel's mom.. Isabel has been asking me to call you for several days now to invite you to her birthday party, which of course I don't expect you to come to, but I just wanted you to know that you remain in Isabel's heart, I hope that you're school semester is going well and that you have a great holiday season.
There's no need to call back but just wanted to let you know... she's gotten real shy all of a sudden but let me see if she'll say bye.. hold on..

Isabel: BYE
Mom: What do you say?
Isabel: ..I love you.. mommy why is she not talking?
Mom: because it's a message, she's not there
*hang up*

AAAWWWWW!!! I called back and her mom was like.. "Isabel, the phone's for you.." and Isabel goes "IS IT JENNIFER?" and then starts SQUEALING hahahaha her mom was like: you can come to her party but I wouldn't recommend it, there'll be like 80 of her relatives there.
But that I could come visit some time if I wanted, maybe I will! Though I'll have to find a fellow ex-counsellor to come with me so I don't have to go alone.

*sigh* I miss my baayybbies.. I still have dreams about trying to keep them safe and stop them from crying and being scared and all that maternal crap lol I'm probably going to work at that camp again, but as much as I love the little ones I'm going to ask for an older age group (probably 5 and up) because it was just too stressful running after 10 of them and being sick for 2 months because of they way they're all over you.

On the other hand.. 2 or so is a piece of cake after 10.. guys, I want a kid. RIGHT NOW.

Busy Couple Days

Yesterday I woke up, went to work, went to dress rehearsal.. and then.. followed Renee and Jessica home (to Renee's house). And -finally- saw Goodbye Parker play, which I've definately been meaning to do since I met Ben and he started facebook inviting me like half a year ago! They were good.. I totally see what you guys mean now when you say that the band is "cute".. singer is soo funny. And anyone with a tambourine.. And Jessica's cute guy is SOOO cute!!

I'm definately MUCH MUCH more comfortable with the ska/rock/punk scene than the hip hop scene, I LOVE the whole crazy mosh pit adrenaline throwing yourself about wildly thing, it's SO much fun. (How much fun?) And that's actually REALLY ironic (are you clever enough to figure out what I mean exactly? Probably not :P) The walk home was long and cold- I want my bike :( but I ran into Chelsea and Brendan, who had also been at the concert, which provided temporary relief! Was too buzzed from the beer that Jessica bought me (<3) to bother reading so went to blissful sleeeeeep.

Was up again to work this morning, then rushed like mad over to the church. Oh god guys.. when Colin gathers us all around during intermission and tells us that we performed badly? BBRUU-TTALL!! I think we did ok under the circumstances though.. though I definately fucked up a lot.

Anyways, I went out for dinner with my mommy and daddy and oma and opa. It was actually THE FUNNIEST DINNER EVER. They kept making horrible sex jokes:
*Opa pointing out a spot we're driving by where he hung out as a kid*
Opa: And there were two girls who we used to visit on that street
Me: Were they out on the street corner every night?
Opa: Well not every night, maybe once a week
*Everyone laughing hysterically because he totally doesn't get the implication*
Opa: Well we didn't need to visit them more than once a week...
*LAUGHING EVEN HARDER*
He is soooo cute lol

And OHHH MAN when we were in Swiss Chalet my dad (after doing a rap music imitation aka. grunting and saying "fuck" a lot) went on this huge rant about how he thinks it's completely hypocritical for black people to get upset at being called the N-word.. and my Oma is hard of hearing so she's like "WHAT?" and he's like "NIGGAS" and everyone started staring at us hahahaha I don't think I've EVER laughed so hard, and he gets upset that I laugh because he's COMPLETELY serious, which makes me laugh even harder. And my mom was REALLY drugged up because she's got like arthritis in her spine, something shitty like that so she was laughing pretty hysterically too lol! And on the car ride to Hart House they started making jokes about the organ player.. "playing with his organ" etc etc and my oma never quite ever fully catches what's actually going on so the comments she makes are SO funny.

Anyways, Hart House Symphonic Band concert.. it was actually pretty decent in comparison to what we've sounded like at rehearsals.. I'm not gonna lie, I somehow had much more energy and enthusiasm for this concert. Maybe because the music was livelier. Helen and Matt came!! (Matt's bro is in the band..AND-MATT-WOULD-BE-TOO-IF-HE-KNEW-WHAT-WAS-GOOD-FOR-HIM) and sat.. in the front, right by me. Jerks. (Actually it probably made me play better? Shrug) Annnyyyyyyywaaaayysssss.... Helen brought me chocolate!!!!!!!! <3 x 10000! How SWEET (NO PUN INTENDED HAAAAHAAA)! Mmmm endorphins.. myyy favourite.. Well, it's almost as good as sex. (No it's not, but I'll take it.) At any rate I decided getting a ride home from Macy was more appealing than following a bunch of people I don't really know to a pub. And so here I am! And in a rather chipper mood.
Actually.. a social mood. Damn.

Tomorrow = CHICAGO!!! MMMMBSB!!! And the Carnegie screening!
p.s. Jesse is the biggest loser ever for choosing a rehearsal over the screening!!!

Warning: If You Are Health Conscious Or Don't Eat Pigs This Will Disgust You

I just created the best sandwich in the history of EVER.

It starts with the freshly baked foccachia buns from loblaws (cheese, onion & herbs). Very soft and marvelous on their own! You cut one open and you insert cheese. You also insert cooked bacon. You microwave it so that the cheese melts. This is DELICIOUS. But there's more.. the secret. Pizza flavoured Pringles chips!! You break them in about quarters and then INSERT THEM!

OH MY GOD.
I'm a fucking genius.
Hello artery clogger but HELLO CULINARY MASTERPIECE!

WHAT THE FUCK???

Someone stole my bike from outside of the subway station. WHAT THE FUCK?!!?!?!
Now I have to walk fucking 30 minutes to class instead of riding for 10, maybe that seems like nothing but it makes A HUGE difference to me, especially with going to work in the morning before the sun is fucking up.

Honestly, there better be something fucking amazing coming my way to make up for ALL OF THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT THAT'S BEEN HAPPENING TO ME IN THE PAST WEEK.

Yeah now I've got to go to rehearsal and I don't have time to fucking eat dinner first -EVEN THOUGH I JUST HAD AN 8 HOUR DAY AT WORK WITH NO BREAK TO EAT ANYTHING- because it took me so much fucking longer to get home!! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, FUCKING 20 MINUTES IS SURE SOMETHING.

I shouldn't have said to so many people how nobody would steal my piece of shit bike. I was asking for it eh? Though I definately remember locking it this morning and it's gone without a trace.

I hope whoever took it crashes and dies before they realize that THE BRAKES DON'T WORK!

Oh good, my tuner apparently is broken! I know the batteries ARE FINE and yet it's not turning on!

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK ME!

Goodbye Leaves

I took this picture from my BALCONY.. SQUEEE! <3 Casa Loma

ARRRGGHH

My head hurts from the weather change, Colin picked on me in band, my dvd player STOPPED WORKING so I can't watch 8 1/2, Amber (my ast partner/highschool friend) and I ordered a pizza last night and it DIDN'T COME. I called after two hours but I got an auto-msg saying it was closed and I couldn't be bothered to call today because I didn't feel like pizza anymore anyway. I'm frantically trying to do the assignment because we didn't get it all done last night because we were SO FUCKING HUNGRY. An old man at work today told me to "have a nice life" and that I was probably going to die on the subway when the terrorists bombed it. I've realized that my vision has gotten worse, my up close vision even which was FINE before. This also means the perscription for my contacts isn't accurate anymore meaning it fucks with me to wear them but I am NOT buying more cuz they are fucking expensive. I'm behind in all my fucking reading again. I couldn't concentrate on reading at work today so I literally actually just day-dreamed for over 4 hours. IT'S FUCKING COLD OUT.

I JUST ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED MY FUCKING BOWL OF SPAGHETTI ON THE FLOOR AND NOW HAVE TO MAKE IT ALL OVER AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS TOO FUCKING DIRTY TO SALVAGE.

ETC ETC ETC

Why the hell does the world HATE me as of the past 2 days or so?

Big problems and dramas I can usually handle (I'm experienced ^_^) but I just cannot fucking stand when a million little things go wrong (just for the sake of a higher power giving you a kick in the ass).

Time To Re-Evaluate

Last night was Gita's party, twas cool, the house-party-ist house party I've ever been to and first time in like 2 and a half months I've been drunk. Believe it or not I actually was in a pretty social mood.. or at least a minimally-socially-awkward mood. Jesse's friend Debbie and I bonded over the fact that we're white and can't dance like Monica so we invented a dance called "The Martian" since Monica told us to dance like we were "marching" and yea, her accent and all.. yeah that's right, I DANCED! You probably won't see that very often, if ever. ACTUALLY I met and DANCED for a bit with this guy by the name of Eric and THAT is definately something for the books ladies and gentleman, Jenn DANCED with a STRANGE BOY *gggassspppp!!!* Not gonna lie, it validates me emotionally to have a guy's hands on my hips haha even if my dancing is a bit awkward. He took me over to meet his friends later on after most people left so I had a nice chat with Adam and Roderigo (what an amazing name.. and I swear he's like Jack Black's brother or something lol). Alix stuck around with me till after 2 am and I walked back to her house with her but then walking the rest of the way home SSUUUCCKKEDD. Christ a LOT of people are on the street at 2:30 am. But, oh well. My fault for not having friends that live near me to walk home with? Anywho I LOVE YOU GITA!!! Who knocks over her bookshelf and then doesn't remember it like 20 minutes later when I reference it to her hahah but then knocks something else over and hits her head and passes out?? AHH!! And always great to hang out with the Alix and the Chelsea and I fully expect to see you both on Tuesday :D

Colin called Lily "Simba"... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH. I did start to feel a little sorry for her though, he picked on her a lot today and I guess.. I definately wouldn't have been close to as discliplined as the behaviour is expected to be in TYWO when I was in grade 7. BUT FUCK so I missed -2- entries today, only two for the entire rehearsal and he NAILED me on both of them.. and both were because I didn't think he wanted the clarinets to play! DAMMIT THERE ARE 40 OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE PROBABLY MISSING ENTRIES ALSO THAT YOU CAN PICK ON, GIVE ME A BREAK!!! Oh well. Yes, my fault.

I got a ride home from Steffi today and she gave me Fellini's "8 1/2" to watch (Carolyn don't let me forget to take it back to the video store on Bay on Tuesday) which is what our musical "Nine" is based upon, apparently it's really fucked up (fly a man instead of a kite!) so I reckon I'll watch it tonight after Ast. assignment.. true to my tendency to fall in love with obscure musicals I'ma falling fast for this one :D

Here, have a pic or two of ma baaayybies.


Mmm?Huuhh? Whaddya waking me up foorrrrr?

Mm tasty keyboard

Climb every mountain!

Perfect time for a bath.

The fact that Marcie is sleeping doesn't stop Patty from climbing on top of her head to say hello to me. 

Well Then, Down To Business

Alright, I need some theatre companions for several upcoming events, in order of occurance:

1. Hamlet @ Hart House Theatre.. H.H. Shakespeare is very entertaining, I promise you.. but it's like.. NOW. It runs from today until Saturday the 25th.

2. CHICAGO @ Princess of Wales Theatre. I love Chicago.. and.. OMGZ one of the Backstreet Boys (Kevin) is playing Billy Flynn. This excites me beyond reason so I'm determined to see it. It runs from Nov 21st- Dec 3rd. Go check it out here: http://www.mirvish.com/Chicago/ (Chelsea if you're still up for this, get back to me ASAP!)

3. Little Shop Of Horrors @ Hart House Theatre.. yet another I've always wanted to see but haven't.. runs from Nov 30th - Dec 2nd. Hey, it'll be cheap!

4. Wicked @ The Canon Theatre. I've really wanted to see Wicked and it's running in Toronto until December 31st. Any takers?

5. Bat Boy The Musical!! @ Wilfred Laurier Uni. I fell in love with this musical when Markham Youth Theatre did it a couple summers ago.. and a friend from high school, Jodi Jahnke, is playing one of the lead roles in a Laurier production in late January. I'm totally willing to drive down there and see it if someone would be so kind as to accompany me.. I'll make it worth your while *wink*
.... hey Jamie... you know Jodi.....................

Do They Speak Middle English In Middle Earth?

The last essay I handed in to Eng202 got RAPED.. but for this essay they gave us a choice of picking an essay topic OR writing 24 lines of Chaucerian verse and writing a tale to go with it. So, I decided to get the better of the evil TA and write the verse.
HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.
It took me 3 straight nights of non-stop work.
SO you are going to READ IT and APPRECIATE MY HARD WORK!

Middle English + rhyming couplets + iambic pentameter.

I've never written in iambic pentameter before and found it to be the hardest aspect.. if you know anything about Chaucer please give me feedback. Understand that for the metre to be correct you need to pronouce words properly (-ed, -es, and sometimes -e endings are pronounced as separate syllables)

If you are familiar with The Canterbury Tales then you know that there is a "General Prologue" that introduces all the characters.. my instructions were to pick a modern figure and "add" him to the prologue.

I chose a fireman ^_^

A FIREMAN was ther, fair and wyse was he,
A manly man, he loved chivalyre.
Ful worthy, mortal bataille for to seke,
Ther nas no dore that he nolde certes breke.
Ful big he was and treden soberly
But whan he spake was merye companye.
His heer as gold as leoun lockes shoon;
Perrye was he, al nat so doumb as stoon.
In cote of broun and helme this man was clad
And sleves with a yelow streme he hadde.
His stede was thikke, brood, and scarlet reed,
And greet of strengthe al trewely good of deed;
His roring noyse so loude a melodye,
So ferful was his crye and percen ye.
A hounde of whyt was in his companye
And lyk a lepart, blak y-spreynd was he.
This man, his entente proteccioun,
To yeve socour was his devocioun.
If heerd a cry of “help!” anoon he rood,
To maydens in distresse alway was good.
His fyry fo is fand in sonne and helle,
Ther lond y-brent and water may not dwelle.
Whan fyr is queynt, his fo is slayne and wonne,
The conquerour his victorie bigonne.

Rough translation:
A fireman was with them, he was attractive, smart, manly and chivalrous. He was very valiant and his intent was to seek and fight deadly battles. There was no door that he could not certainly break (because he’s a fireman and they break down doors tehee!), he was very big and serious but friendly when he spoke. His hair was gold and shone like a lion’s mane. He was a jewel but not as dumb as stone (because jewel is stone, oooh play on words!!) He wore a brown coat and a helmet, his sleeves had yellow stripes on them. His steed was thick, broad, and scarlet red (that’s right, his FIRE TRUCK!) It had great strength but truly was good of deed (a very subtle play on words- “great strength” vs “good deeds”) It’s roaring noise was a really loud and it seemed fearful because of this noise and its piercing eye (its headlight!). A white dog was also his companion, it had black spots like a leopard (dalmation!). The man’s intention was to protect people and he was devoted to giving aid. If he heard someone cry “help!” he went to them immediately and he was always helpful to maidens in distresse (double entendre? oh baby!) His fiery enemy is found in the sun and in hell, in these places land is burnt and water can’t survive. When the fire has been quenched his enemy is thus slain and the conqueror’s victory has begun (another double entendre? Why is the victory only BEGUN when the fire is out? Don’t forget the maidens.. *prowww)
w00tw00t! Now to think of a tale to write.. sigh.

pee ess:
So.. one of the more orgasmic inventions.. "Winter Oreos".. oreos coated in white chocolate.. mmmm.. I discovered something perfectly marvelous.. my tea (with milk but no sugar) was too hot to drink so I dipped the oreo in it.. and.. it melted the chocolate and like.. it was still firm when I took a bite but then it just DISSOLVED in my mouth.. *drroooll* oooohh heavenly.

Mucho Pica-tures!!

So Wednesday afternoon I went back to the M dot and went with my mom to the mall.. I'm going to show you some of what I bought in a moment because some of it is just TOO CUTE! I'm not big on shopping these days but I needed new bras, the damn underwire keeps coming through the material on my old ones grr! And while I'm not much for cutsie stuff.. if it's unusual AND cute.. I'm so in.

Anyways I drove over to Laura's house and we chilled for a bit then headed off to Angus Glen Golf Club. So, WOW this was a fancy event.. something like $100 per seat. Each table was in charge of coming up with a theme and decorating their table appropriately.. there were some REALLY cool ones. Apparently it wasn't a dinner event, it was a dessert event.. meaning a large table full of elaborate gorgeous sumptuous caaakkkeeess... oh man what a cake tease! (teehee). Anywho, we played on this little stage, which was a bit intimidating.. the room was HUGE.. so the acoustics were like playing into a brick wall. And we definately felt like no one could hear us or was listening anyway.. which actually is very liberating because it felt very casual.. you know, Laura's music blows off the stand so we just stop in the middle of the piece and so on haha. We had to play our duet repetoire like 4 times through to take up time but it all sounds so similar that no one would have noticed. And we did a lot of solo stuff.. really random stuff lol like Laura did some random Mary Poppin's and Beatles and I did some random Lord of the Rings (w00t!) and it was cool. (One of the random volunteers came up to me after and was like "I loved that Lord of the Rings bit!!" YEAH!) At the end, a lot of people came up to tell us what a great job we did, which was very nice of them.. and a couple of people asked us to come and give private performances for their tables.. which we did! And THAT rocked.. because.. well we play better under direct attention obviously, and they actually got to hear us!
And.. when everyone was done.. THEY LET US AT THE LEFTOVER CAKE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ok there are a LOT of really awesome pictures, but I'll hang myself if I have to go through posting them all over again, so please, my faithful Jamie and Carolyn, do
click HERE and see them :D

A Series Of FORTUNATE Events!

There is much that I have to say, though I shall try to say it briefly because I am lazy and tired.

By the random, it's been so chilly this fall that now and again I'll think about that greenhouse effect bit that's SUPPOSED to be making everything warmer.. and where is that now that I'm FREEZING?! We learned about it in Astronomy today and ACTUALLY the temperature is steadily rising something like a tenth of a degree on average per year. This doesn't seem like much, we don't feel it, but the nature of the temperature change over the past 50 years is matched only by a small ICE AGE in Earth's relatively recent past. Except the ice age was MUCH more gradual a temperature change.. the rate of temperate rise within the last 50 years is DRASTIC compared to the fairly regular slight up and down fluctuation of the average temperature over the past 500,000 years. It's like.. there's the happy line on the graph going along its way.. AND THEN IT SHOOTS WAY WAY UP! WE'RE KILLING OUR PLANET. Just.. really slowly in relation to our lifetime.

(I think I've absorbed and comprehended more information over the past month of Astronomy than I have in any of my other university courses over the past 14 months combined.)

For those of you who somehow didn't figure it out, I am now WORKING for Unicef.. yes, they pay me to sell their christmas stuff at a kiosk in the Eaton Centre. (Come visit me). I was dreading my first day and despite first day kinks (like the phone line not working so the POS machines not working argh) it actually wasn't so bad and went by really fast. I know the ropes and I know them well. The guitar player dude from CW randomly stopped to chat with me and talked to me for like 2 hours.. (like, actually..) enh it helped the time pass. Hopefully it'll continue to be not so bad.. but 3 more days a week of getting up at 8am-ish bites.

HALLOWEEN!!! Oh my, what a day.
First thing this morning I was greatly relieved to find out that I did ok on my Music exam, I was expecting MUCH worse (the one I wrote the day of the concert).
Instead of our unusual Sub stop during the hour Carolyn and I have between classes I decided for the sake of variety that we should cross Bay Street and that I should get some BREAKFAST! Yeye! *yummm*

Skipping to later on JESSE AND I WENT TO CASA LOMA!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE that majestic hill house. And the towers and underground tunnels at night? SO COOL! The ghost story tour was a bit weak.. but.. oh well.
On Thursday when I'm back in Toronto I'll post some HILARIOUS and cool and creepy pictures for you. Believe me when I tell you that at least a few of them will make you LAUGH! (I swear to god I caught some GHOSTS in some of them.. you know the random floating orbs of light? Jess you're a photographer, is there an explanation for them?)

Having seen my plans to go to Casa Loma in my msn name, Anton gave me a ring-a-ding and pointed out that we should visit his MANSION since it's close by, so we made our way over there after we were finished with C.L. Yeah his house is HUGE! And spooky. I don't know if I'd be comfortable living there.. but.. wow lots of space.. one could have the best gave of hide-and-seek EVER there. He carved THE BEST PUMPKIN EVER (picture of that also to follow).

Now for the most important thing in this post. I will tell you about what a lucky coincidence it was for me to put my msn to what it was.. and for Anton to call me.. and for us to go and visit him.. BECAUSE he had a friend over. And this friend just happens to be the girl who's in charge of the pit orchestra for Hart House Theatre productions. (We remember that I'm obsessed with HH Theatre yes). Anyways.. she needs a bassoon player for the next musical, so she asked Jesse if he would transpose the bassoon part for bass clarinet and play with them.. and I got jealous so she asked what I played and lo and behold.. though Steffi is their clarinet player, there are apparently two parts... and apparently she'll need me to fill in for the main part on a night when Steffi can't be there!!
SO.. what it looks like is that JESSE AND I ARE GOING TO JOIN THE PIT ORCHESTRA FOR THE NEXT HART HOUSE THEATRE MUSICAL!!!
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!! IT MAKES ME GIDDY WITH DELIGHT!!
It has honestly been like a life aspiration and desire of mine to somehow be able to play in a pit orchestra.. and for a musical no less (I LOVE musicals) and for HH Theatre no less (I LOVE HH theatre).
OMG!
She's giving Steffi the music to give to Jesse and I at TYWO on Sunday.. and apparently rehearsals start next week.
OMG!
This is -so- exciting. SO EXCITING!!
And Anton gave us candy, that was pretty exciting too.

OMGBESTFREAKINGNIGHTEVER!!!!

*deep breath*
Tomorrow I head back to Markham, so that Laura and I may thrill the Cancer Society function at Angus Glen Golf Club all evening with out clarinet duet skillz.. not gonna lie, it's sketchy.. we don't have enough duet material so it's half going to be us taking turns solo'ing. I looked at solo pieces today that I'll be performing tomorrow? Well it'll be a good experience, I'm sure it'll all come together! There's this solo book that all my high school "jury" pieces were taken from.. good book, but the awesome news is that stuff I struggled at in gr 11/12 is apparently REALLY easy for me now? FUCKING EH, I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE GETTING BETTER! (Not gonna lie, I'm fucking terrified of sucking at this pit orchestra bit.)

Anyway.. SQQQQQQUUUUUEEEEEEE!!! Ok I have to give you at least one picture.. but keep in mind that it is not EVEN the funniest one :P
THE ALICE IN WONDERLAND PROPS FROM LAST CHRISTMAS WERE STILL UP!

What Do I Want

It would seem that the cool thing to do these days is to exude some sense of superiority by preaching on the subject of "not happy? then stop complaining and do something about it".

It is not the concept itself that poses a problem to me. I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want. Jenn, what would make you happy? If you could do ANY job after university, what would you want to do? My problem is that I just honestly don't know. I've thought and thought and can come up with NOTHING that I would be happy getting up each morning to do. While there are a handful of things I like doing in my every day life, there's just nothing that I'm PASSIONATE enough about to want to pursue on the level of dedication that would lead to a career.

I'll be lying in bed in one of those "just one of those days" moods and I'll say to myself "screw responsibilities for a second, WHAT would make you feel happy RIGHT NOW? Indulge with the junk food? Chill with a favourite tv show? How about if the boy of your dreams was here holding you right now, would THAT make you happy?" And.. the answer is.. not really.

I understand that if I want change I have to make it happen, I understand that if I'm not happy, only I can change that. But you see.. before I can make changes.. I have to know what I want to change.. and for some reason these days I honestly just do not know what there is that will make me happy. I don't know what I want.

It's.. killing me. I am an EXTREMELY goal oriented person, I thrive under the pressures of needing to achieve a particular goal by a particular time. Problem is.. I can't figure out what my goals are anymore! School is starting to suffer.. I'm finding that I'm not motivated to do well in school anymore because it's leading me NO WHERE. My education right now is to absolutely no particular end. Maybe this degree will end up a waste of money? I've gone to 3 out of 8 classes this week. And that is really really unlike me.

Not knowing what I want from life terrifies me. Not knowing what I want to do after I leave the security blanket of school terrifies me. Not knowing how to find the answers to these questions terrifies me.

I've had it in my head for some time that one summer I want to do the OSAP Explore program in Quebec, and that another summer I want to do the ISV program (International Student Volunteers) and go somewhere cool like Thailand or Costa Rica.. but I've been asking myself.. will this actually make you happy? Will you actually ENJOY doing these things or do you just feel like you SHOULD enjoy doing these things? The answer is.. I don't know. Or, no, I probably wouldn't be very happy being away from home.

My life is kind of crumbling in my hands.. I WANT my life to have meaning and purpose and I WANT to make a difference and contribute to society, I want my presence to be worth something. I don't want to be here in this life just to wait for the next day so that I can wait for the next day, I don't want to live a life with no sense of purpose and no sense of goal. But beyond.. wanting to want something.. I'm stuck.

How do I figure out what will make me happy when I've got nothing to go on?


Well, on a completely different subject, Mark called me up wanting to watch Gilmore Girls, so he came over last night (good times, the commercial where everything is made of chocolate lead to a conversation about what if the world were made of candy which, to make a long story short lead to bike riding to Dominion and back and then getting stoned and eating rice krispie squares hot out of the bowl lol) and I realized something..
OK for about the past half year I have noticed that whenever I'm one-on-one with a guy that I'm not entirely comfortable with I get all awkward and have trouble finding things to say and end up sounding like a moron when I do say something and end up kind of like zoning out into space. I figured that.. well.. I'm a girl.. I like boys.. it's been over 2 years since I've had a boyfriend so I'm just afraid of screwing things up.. BUT.. I found the same thing happened with Mark last night. This is blogger so you probably don't know who Mark is, but so you know, Mark likes boys. So obviously if that were the concern then I should NOT have felt awkward around Mark. And come to think of it.. I've pretty much been the same around girls too.. it's not as bad as around boys but I just can't think of what to say.

Kind of odd.. one would guess it to be a confidence/self-esteem issue, by why in the past 6 months or so should I have suddenly started being awkward? Je ne sais pas. I'm aware of it happening when it happens and I try to then make myself do something to change it.. but.. it just doesn't come out right. It bites.

Oh, by the way.. so I'm playing clarinet duets with Laura in Markham next Wednesday at Angus Glen for some Cancer Society fundraiser. We need OVER AN HOUR OF MATERIAL. I got some of the music through the mail a couple of days ago, though we can only get together like once to try and put it together.. um.. yeah.. that is a LOT of music. We'll see how that goes..

Oh yeah.. and the concert.. it was ok. I didn't really feel like it was up to TYWO standards.. felt like.. if only we had a couple more weeks to pull this shit together.. maybe I'll change my mind when I hear the recordings? The audience seemed to love it but.. I don't know, just didn't seem to par. Jo Alessi on the other hand is AMAZINGLY INSANELY AWESOME. *starstruck*

I feel like I had more to say but this post is definately long enough.. not like it matters, the only people who read it are Jamie and Carolyn and.. well I'm sure Jamie will skim it and Carolyn already hears everything about my life in person anyway pretty much. (This blog is really a little pointless in that respect, I'm again considering just giving it the axe)

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JENN A DULL BOY

To see my schedule as of OCTOBER 30th, click Here

Flicka

This evening Renee and I, both being horsie people, went to opening night of Flicka. It seems that whenever I mention that word to anybody they look at me strangely. It's basically a chick flicky horse movie. Oh my goodness, it was cathartic. Very powerful acting. Both of us cried (and let me tell you it is NOT often that I will cry in a movie theatre, I can't recall really having done it before. The only other movie I can think of that makes me cry is Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. YES, it makes me bawl.)
Sigh
It was good
I swear to god that some day I will have a horse. Some day..
Maybe I can scrape together enough money to ride again at my old barn over the summer.. but with paying for clarinet lessons over the summer (I don't do lessons during the school year) I don't know..
This will likely sound ridiculous to anyone but Renee, but the last line of the movie was about how when she's riding she feels free. And that is exactly how it feels. There is nothing I can even compare to the feeling.. but it is both exhilarating and liberating. I can't let it go. Wild hearts can't be broken. (And I've finally found someone else who knows what that even is!)

Anyways.. sigh how can I get any work done tonight in a mood such as this?



By the way.. I've finally seen someone else on my floor! Another middle aged man.. I couldn't tell you anything else except that his Labrador's name is Hunter! Very sweet dog lol (I love that I don't any of my neighbours' names but now I know the dog's name)

Professor Kippen (my music prof) added me on facebook.. weeeeird

Montreal!!

It's about time I get around to posting about Montreal.. (soo lazy). It was definately better than I was expecting it to be, though indeed it's annoying to travel for 12 hours and not be in Montreal for much longer.

Since this is Blogger and not LJ I'm sad to say it will be the edited version.

When we arrived we went to see a concert at McGill.. it was.. I guess it was good for what it was.. but I didn't really like what it was. Contemporary music is not really my cup of tea. But MARIA CAME!!!! And hung out with us later, and Emily too!!! The rules were much more lax than they were on the NY trip.. apparently Beryl even bought people drinks? I wasn't there, I was with Jessica, Emily, Helen, Gideon, Maria, Jesse at a bar. We got back to the hostel past the time we were told to be back and no one cared and then partay in room 307! There were 14 people in my room at one point (my roomies being Renee, Gita, Joanna, Helen) INCLUDING Colin (!) until late. It was awesome.

The next morning we went back to McGill and woodwinds and brass split up to have a boring pointless tour OR (for woodwinds) to have a really awesome workshop with Michael Dumouchel, one of the clarinet players from the ORCHESTRA SYMPHONIQUE DE MONTREAL!!! Really cool and got the section pulled together.

After this we had a couple hours before leaving so we went to eat.. we took the Metro cuz it was FREE ALL DAY! How cool is that? I wish TTC would have a free day! We were kind of late getting back.. again.. but we were WITH Colin and Beryl (awesome lol). Joanna and I have decided that we are going to have a kid together. I know Jesse was dying to use his French but he DID get to use his Spanish with some tourists who asked us a question! And to the surprise of us all RENEE whipped out the French when some guy asked us about the Metro! Go Renee! The ride back seemed like a loongg time but the last couple of hours Jessica, Jesse and I amused ourselves with interesting games of "fuck, chuck, or marry" and "would you rather?"

It was a short, slightly drama-ridden but very fun trip. It was nice to get to know better, or at least get to the know the names of people I wasn't already well-acquainted with. I'm sure there are plenty of funny, inside joke sort of things to be said but I can't seem to remember any at the moment.

I'm really too lazy to post all of the pictures.. I'll post some but you'll have to go to Facebook to see the rest.

Oh, yeah, my hair changed colour again, if you hadn't noticed :) (Thanks to Carolyn <3 )

Louis (he looks like Heath Ledger!!) and Rebecca

Rebecca, Strahan, Michael

Renee in our hostel room

Me, Jesse, Gita, Renee

Scott's getting a bit nippley

IIAAAANN!!!



BOOOOO SEPARATISTS!!

I REALLY suck at chugging anything bubbley..

Party in our room!!



Colin too! Throwing grapes..

Sleepy ride home Awww Helen

Jesse et moi

Whether I Can Weather The Weather

After a few days it starts to feel like it's been grey (grey? gray? fuck Jesse where are you when I need you?!) forever and like the sun won't ever shine again. God I HATE when the weather is like this.. it fucks with my mind. AND it means I sit in class with a soaking ass because I forget to bring a plastic bag to cover my bike seat. It's not so bad when there's snow. Falling snow gives me a strange sense of security when I'm indoors and a strange sense of mystique when I'm outside.. even rain.. I love being inside when it's raining hard.. actually I love being outside when it's raining hard (provided I'm able to go back inside and change and not have be stuck wet in class or something) but IT'S THIS PERPRTUAL BLAND DREARY MONOTONY THAT I CANNOT STAND.

I'd say that it makes me irritable and slightly depressed.. which it does on and off, but mostly during this sort of weather I find myself predominately in an unnerving state of indifference and apathy to all aspects of life. It's not even an active sort of not caring.. it's sort of a.. *there's no point in reacting because if I just wait it'll be over and we'll move on to the next thing and I'll wait for it to be over too*

When I'm not in this specific frame of mind I find myself, as my Trainspotting poster would say, "wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning". I don't have an identity. You know how pretty much everyone you know you sort of categorize? You identify them with something. She's the girl who always says stuff that makes me laugh and is obsessed with celebrities, there's the guy who lives on his skateboard and always wants to smoke weed, etc, etc... there's something for everybody that I can think of and I assume that everybody does this without really thinking about it. The thing is, I don't see myself as having any sort of identity whatsoever. I don't see myself as standing out in absolutely any way. Any permanent way. And not in any way that separates me from anyone else, anything you COULD say about me you could say about countless other people who are better at or better known for that given thing.(No I'm not the girl who changes her hair colour because that's not ME really, that's me as of the last 3 months.) WHO THE FUCK AM I? It really really frustrates me. I hate that there's just nothing remarkable that you can really say about me whether it's good or bad (unless you don't like me for some reason and I just don't know about it), I hate blending into the walls but it seems to be something I'm good at.

You see what this weather does to me?

I've also been having nightmares. Even though there's nothing actually going on in my life that is all that stressful or notable. These are nightmares that don't feel scary at the time but that horrify me when I wake up and think about them. The one I had Monday morning was worse than anything you could ever imagine. It's actually bad enough that I don't know if I could bear to repeat it to anyone. Last night I was being chased. The feeling wasn't exactly fear, just an overwhelming need to ESCAPE. (It was my parents I was running from though I don't know why it should be them since it's been over a year since my parents could control me really.) Also I was running through a shopping mall. I always seem to be running through a shopping mall in chase dreams.. what the HELL does that mean?